Let's Get Lost in Words

::Twisted::

There once was a girl, trapped by her mind. Her shyness aiding in her social anxiety and introvertedness. Her depression holding her hostage to her bed, with a closed door to separate her from the world. Every morning the struggle to get out of bed, to find the energy and will to make it through the day. Every day the battle to make it to class on time, to find the motivation to succeed. Every evening spent under the covers, with tears running down her face and pain on her arms. Searching for the need to eat, for her appetite has since withered away. The girl trapped by her mind, trying to get through life, barely living and just surviving.

Then she found him, the one that after four years had finally come around. She was happy. The girl forgot about the bars on the windows of her eyes, the chains on the door to her heart, none of them existed. With him she would smile and laugh, all the good conversations they had shared. Nothing could take that away from her; or so she thought. For the boy had her on a string, with the lies he used to keep her contained. The never ending fear of her cheating which he spewed at her, the tears he shed to put the blame of everything on her. The words "I love you" and "I would never leave you" and "I would never hurt you" which had no meaning. He blamed her for his almost suicide attempt, saying she never loved him, then proclaimed she was his saving grace. He saw her as an object, an asset to his persona.

The girl trapped by her mind was heart broken. For the trust and affection she had for this boy was pointless and painful. It was nothing, it meant nothing. All the times she cried for not being good enough, all the sacrifices she made for him. She stopped talking to her friends because they were male, she put him before herself because her problems were never as great as his. All the early morning talks she put up with, all the accusations that she never loved him, that she had to prove it to him with her body. The sleepless nights she encountered because he made her feel terrible, all the worry she felt for the fear of him leaving: because he told her she wasn't enough. She lost weight, she was starving herself and never knew until it was over. She lost her friend, she lost a person she trusted, she lost the boy.

The boy claims he doesn't know what he did wrong. That he had no idea what he was doing to her. Objectifying her, causing her worry and anxiety, making her feel less and less human. All he had to do was tell her was "I would kill myself if you ever left" to make her stay; sympathy is what he fed on. He stole her emotions to keep her by his side, playing to her empathy. THe girl trapped by her mind had found another prison, one that she had to break through with the help of her best friend. For she could see the poison on the night, when he blamed her for his suicide at 2 a.m.

The road was hard, but she built herself up again. With the aid of her friends, particularly her best friend, she got back to her feet. She started eating again, she was happy all on her own, even when she was imprisoned by her mind. She smiled more, she laughed more, she was so much better off without the boy she wondered why she wanted him in the first place; why she didn't leave sooner. Her prison had become less of a pain, less bothersome, until a year and a half later. She was happy and smiling, but she wasn't eating.

The girl trapped by her mind knew it was the sign her depression was once again rearing it's ugly head. She could not understand why, but she left it alone. She was not cutting her arms, she was not crying in the bathroom mirror, she was still smiling and still going. But her world changed, for the better. Her best friend had showed her someone, a man. A man who knew how to treat her right. The girl was blinded and dumbfounded until she was forced to swallow the truth that she was oblivious to. This man made her smile, laugh, he made her feel important and valued. She was flattered, she felt like the luckiest girl in the world. It wasn't until the man said, "I'm just treating you the way you deserve to be treated" that she realized, what that was like. She could not utter a word and could only stare at the truth on her screen and smile. The girl trapped by her mind had never realised how true the man was; that she had never been treated that way before.