REKINDLE

You are a Light

The world is rotating so fast that each leaf falling from a spring tree seemed like a raindrop of a heavy storm. The clock is ticking so fast it left me staring at the space between second after second asking myself, "what happened to me?"

I used to walk hand-in-hand with the world, savoring each step as I count each particle of the wind kissing my cells, watching how the sun plays with the complexion of the dull sky as the night lulls it to slumber. Then count how many times the Polaris twinkle each minute, so mesmerized by the world that time became just another unessential measurement of science. And every sunset and sunrise passed like the same train routing in the railroad -- and I am just... staring at every cart passes before my eyes, confused with the blurry result of acceleration.

I was busy. So busy doing everything that the world lays on my feet and at the same time so busy being confused which amongst all the things laid before me should I start with. I was moving, I knew I was. However, it felt like I was stuck, unable to ascend, unable to thrust. I was so busy pleasing people, thinking I could satisfy myself with it. I was so busy journeying in my own created path that I didn't realize that my eyes were closed as I walked. And the moment my eyes opened, it was too late for I'm already lost... Lost in the darkness that I created.

Venturing into the darkness is not sad. It feels more than that. I feel empty and the emptiness is maddening. I hear everyone's voice yet I don't understand at all. But instead of being disappointed with the ignorance that I feel, I actually feel hopeful, giving me the courage to shout. What disappointed me is that nobody seems to hear me, nobody seems to listen. And when I thought that somebody heard me, the hope would ignite again but instead of giving me fuel, the person gives me water thinking that it is what I need, killing the only fire which provides me the light.

And there's the point when I just broke down. And cried even when tears are coming out no more when even I couldn't hear my sobs-- the time when I decided to not do anything at all. To just stay still and be consumed inch by inch by the darkness. And just before the last cell of my being shuts down, a spark of warmth ignited a flame upon the depths of my soul. And drop by drop, memories poured...

I was so busy doing everything. But I forgot why I was thriving. And it is not to satisfy myself by pleasing people. It is so I could satisfy my Creator through serving His people. I was moving but I forgot my destination, the source of my light. I was busy finding the light that I forgot what the fire was for. And it is not to light my way so I won't stumble, it is to brighten the path of the voices I hear in the darkness. I thought I was journeying blindly into the darkness. And I forgot why... That's why I lost courage-- that's why I got lost. For I was not supposed to be walking blindly... I was supposed to be trusting Him who promised to save me. I forgot that I am not alone, never was and never will be. Because the Lord got my back and He will never let go of my hand. I was so busy listening to people that I forgot I should only listen to God, that He will guide me through the ocean of darkness and pull me back to the source of light-- Him.

I was so busy dwelling on the thought that I was lost in the chaos, seeking for even a spark of light. I forgot that I myself is a light. I forgot that the Lord loves me so much that He is so proud of me He made me a light, warm and bright to shine and overcome any darkness; and a fuel, to rekindle other's lamp.

I used to walk hand-in-hand with the world but the world is rotating so fast that each leaf falling from a spring tree seemed like a raindrop of a heavy storm... And I realized I held the wrong hand.

So I held the hand of Jesus, savoring each step as I count each particle of the wind kissing my cells, watching how the sun play with the complexion of the dull sky as the night lull it to slumber. Then count how many times the Polaris twinkle each minute, so mesmerized by the world that time became just another unessential measurement of science. And every sunset and sunrise passes-- clothed with colors mingled with glitters, cloaked with melted gold and silver. And observe the darkness unlit... No more.

"For you were once in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light."

-Ephesians 5:8