Another Romance

Chapter 28- A glimpse of her Heart

She stared at the cabin's ceiling while her head still leans on the door while Lance is still on the other side of it. The wind blows and the rain starts to fall.

"My ex of five years cheated on me. Okay kami eh lalo na nung una. He is my childhood sweetheart and it's such a wonderful and heavenly feeling to be in love with your best friend your most trusted person. Strict ang parents niya, sobrang taas ng standards at expectations so I tried my best to fit in, to achieve those standards. Maayos naman ang pakikitungo nila sa akin, inaasikaso ako pag dumadalaw ako sa bahay nila. Pero minsan pabigla-nigla nalang na tatawag si Jules sakin, umiiyak nag-away nanaman daw sila ng parents niya."

"What? Why? ano nanaman nagawa ko thhis time?"

"hindi daw ila nagustuhan dinamit mo kanina, medyo maikli daw"

"yun lang? that's below the knee na mahal"

"I know, pero hindi lang yon, nagtataka sila bakit hindi mo daw tinaggap yung supervisory position na inalok sayo ni tito sa hotel"

"mahal naman, alam mo namang ayoko sa marketing diba? ag toxi sasabog ang utak ko doon"

"oo naman, alam ko yon kaso nasasayangan sila eh, lagi ka nalang daw wlang work, papalit-palit ka ng trabaho, parang wala kana raw direksyon eh"

"is it too hard to understand na I'm still trying to search for what I really want?"

"hindi naman pero syempre kung gusto mong makasal tayo dapat nakikita nilang kaya mo na diba? hindi mo naman kakayaning mag-asawa kung magulo pa isip mo mahal eh"

"oh sige na, sorry na mahal. dont worry babawi ako, I'll prove them wrong, I'll make your parents proud of me, para narin hindi na ayo nag-aaway"

And so I've struggled my way to make them proud. ang ironic kasi my parents never asked for that much from me. But still, I pursued with my plan. I worked at his uncle's hotel kaht hindi ko talaga gusto. I was so busy with work and spending time with him and with his family. But just when you thought you are winning, when you finally reached the finish line an invisible knife stabbed your back. It's too late, you found yourself already bleeding.

"he broke up with me all of a sudden. I was so lost hindi ko matanggap, I plead I begged gosh I begged for him to change his mind.

"mahal makinig ka, it's not healthy anymore, lagi ka naming pinag-aawayan eh"

"what did I do wrong this time? I did everything diba? lahat ng gusto nila? lahat ng gusto mo lahat mahal lahat lahat"

"they feel like under mo ako, like a puppy na kaya mong pasunurin, kaya mong paikutin s amga kamay mo"

"that's not true, you know thats not true!"

"I know but"

"but what? don't tell me you're giving up. you're breaking up with me?"

"naging masaya naman atyo diba? pero wala na akong magagawa, matatanda na mga magulang ko ayoko na silang pasakitan"

"Ill talk to them, let me talk to them"

"and you think you can change ther minds? tama na to mahal, ayoko nang masaktan kapa"

I nver wanted to end that reationship. sobrang sayang. Yung taon, lahat ng efforts nasayng. Dahil nga sabi mo stubborn ako, tinuloy ko parin ang plano ko, for the first time  confronten his parents about our reationship. Ni minsan hindi ako pinayagan gawin ni Jules yon, sinunod ko nalang siya, nagtiwala ako sa sinabi niyang siya na ang bahala.

"Faight iha, honestly wala kaing problema sayo. Nakita namin ni tita mo lahat ng hirap mo, lahat ng pagsisikap mo pero wala kaming magagawa kung ayaw na ng anak namin"

'ano pong ibig niyong sabihin tito? hindi bat kayo po ang may ayaw sa akin? gusto ko pong malaman ung bakit at kung ano ang wedeng gawin ko pa para maaos lahat to"

"anak, biang magulang gsto lang namin maging masaya ang aming mga anak"

"po?"

"I was walking beside the pavement, sobrang lutang. Parang binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig sa mga nalaman ko. Ikakasal na pala siya sa iba. Shit alam ng lahat ako nalang ang hindi pa? Two years na, two years na pala niya akong niloloko kaya pala everytime na mahahawakan ko cellphone niya nagagalit siya sa akin gagong yon! ha ha ha. ang tanga ko diba? sobrang tanga.

Family friend nila ang family ng girl. Mayaman din, professional nurse may direksyon sa buhay. Sobrang sakit, na parang lahat sa paligid mo nagkasundo para saktan ka lang, sabi ko bakit hindi nalang nila ako pinatay? bakit hindi ako nakinig sa magulang ko? napansin na nila eh, pero ako tanga, gaga pinagtatanggol ko pa pamilya niya lalo na siya.

Papalit-palit ako ng masakarang isusuot para magustuhan nila hanganng sa maubusan na ako at matira naang yung totoo ako, sa huli yon parin pala ang hindi nila tanggap, yon ang hindi niya minahal ng tapat. sa kagustuhan kong mahalin nila ako, tanggapin ako nalimutan at napabayaan ko ang ga taong totoong nagmamahal at tumatanggap sa akin. My family, true frineds and myself. 

Medyo naging bitter ako sa efforts ng mga tao sa paigid ko feeling ko lahat yun may kabayaran, he he he kaya ganon ako sayo nung una kitang makilala. Lahat kasi kay Jules to good to be true. Dahil sa ginawa niya napaliit ko ang mundo ko thinking lahat ng tao o lalaki ay katulad niya, medyo walng kwenta ganon lol, sorry na.

I promised myself I'll make it up with my parents and my losses. You see, I've moved on from him, from my relationship with him, but I still haven't moved on from myself. I need to be successful even if have to be alone.

Continuous battle, mas matndi after breaking up with that jerk. It came to me that I'm the one who cheated myself first, thinking I can be loved by being someone I am not. I chose to be blind kahit una palang marami na akong doubts.

Still searching for my purpose, kung ano talaga ang passion ko, so when Mariz invited me to teach here for a while? Impulse! I took the bus and tsaaaaaaraaaaannn! I'm here, with you.

Hind ko alam kung relevant ba tong kwento ko sa nangyayari sayo  pero kasi na-reaize ko na some things need to happen. No matter how devastating it can be, it has to happen. Hindi ko man alam totally ang sagot, malamang hanggang ngayon nilalakad ko parin ang daan patungo sa kanila pero alam kong dadating din yon, kung kailan kailangan niya ng magpakita.

Isa lang ang nasisigurado ko, dinala ako dito ng Dyos para sabihin sayo na hindi ka nag-iisa. at para iparamdam sayong kahit sino kapa hindi mo hawak ang buhay ng iba, wala kang lakas o kapangyarihan tanging ang Dyos lang ang may karapatang bawiin ang lahat, masakit oo masaklap oo, patawarin nalang natin ang mga sarili natin sa mga maling nagawa para maka-kilos na tayo pasulong. Kung hindi mo parin kaya, hayaan mong hawakan kita kung papayagan mo ako Lance, hindi kita bibitawan hanggat maging maayos na. Kung gusto mong manatili dito, magpapaiwan din ako, kung madilim parin ako ang magiging ilaw mo, kung pagbibigyan mo lang ako Lance, please sana pagbigyan mo ako."

She stood up and dust her polo.

"I'm going outside, tambay ako sa lake. It's up to you if you'll come but know that I will wait."

He heard everything, every bit of her words pierced his heart. Faight tries to reconnect with his heart by letting him feel her own pains and misery from the past.

He stood up and opens his door but Faight left already. He stepped onto a rolled canvas. When he opened it slowly, he sees his portrait painted by Faight.