Are You Hearing Voices Again? [COMPLETED]

We're Taking the Sound Back With Us

A/n: short short short short short chapter. I'm sorry. Don't hate me

Hello again.

Maya bumped up my medication back to its original dosage. Whoop.

Apparently I was being extremely aggressive. You don't believe her, do you? You wouldn't do that to me, right? You wouldn't think of me in that way...

Anyways, I've been thinking.. do I really know what love is? I mean, look at Frank. He's so amazing and wonderful and he's more than I could ever ask for, but, then, look at me. I'm a mess. Isn't there a saying that if you don't love yourself then you could never be loved? Is that true? Or am I just trying to make my life complicated?

Should I even be strung up on love?

Love is a strange thing...
It makes you do some crazy stuff.
Do I really know is what love is though?
Yeah yeah I get the whole butterfly feeling and the sense of home and security but who am I to say what love feels like? I've crushed on people. Okay? But none of them really liked me back.
But Frank....

Oh god I could see the stars in his eyes since the first day we met, but he's so different. The angels tell me that he's  bad. He's so very bad... He's the type of person that my momma told me to stay away from. If Frank wasn't Frank, I'd hate him.

So... what is it about him?

I love Frank because he's sweet.
Even with that thick built up wall, he still tries to take care of me. Not too much though. I don't want to jump to any conclusions....

Maybe he has someone else in mind. I wouldn't try to change that though. He would be happy. Why should I take that away for my own needs? I know I'm not her or him, if they even exist.

Life isn't like the movies.

I used to think... Maybe I can stay away from him by fucking a girl... It worked out, kinda, but not like I planned. She was beautiful, don't get me wrong, but it's not.. Frank.

God. Why am I so confused.

I tried so hard to tell myself that she stole my heart but when we undressed, and when we pressed our skin together, my heart didn't skip a beat like it did for you. The butterflies didn't flap around and my hands didn't shake with nerves. Don't even get me started on butterflies and Frank's beautiful butterfly lips. So delicate. So pretty, and those golden hazel eyes that I could stare into for the rest of my life.

I know there's no chance for us. That's what the angels think.

It's okay....

...but I see how broken he is....

I know what it's like. I've been there. I want Frank to let me help him. I want him to let me try... I'm tired of wishing that I could do something. I want to collect Frank's broken pieces and fit them back into that puzzle that is him. I can't though...

Maybe it's because I'm a whore.

It's easy being a whore.

Yeah, I could just be that.

I'm already dirty. Stained. Right? It's not too hard anyways...

No.. Frank wouldn't want that, and the angels would disown me. They let that one time slide, the time I slept with that girl, but never again. They told me, in my head, they said "one more time and you'll be damned."

So... there goes that idea.

I don't think I'm ever gonna tell frank about what I did. Yeah, I think he would hate me.

Frank would hate me for a lot of the things I've done, and trust me, I've done a lot. Y'know, I never learned that girl's name. Or did I tell you that?

I don't know.

I can't really remember things anymore.

Between you and me, I think the angels are keeping things from me. I think they're hiding the stuff that's really important like... Mikey's hair style or what color shirt Maya was wearing yesterday. Normally I'd be able to see things, but they're blinding me. They're stealing my eyes. They want me to bow down to them.

The angels are scaring me.