Bruises & Bitemarks (SasuNaru)

22.

Stable.

The steady beep – beep – beep that punctuates the silence tells me that the condition is stable.

I'm lying in a bed that's not mine, under covers that aren't mine, in a place I don't know. All around me is the smell of sterile, clean things.

I never did like hospitals much.

I look around. I have nothing attached to me – no tubes or wires, no machines or strange fluids. But I am in a hospital bed, with a curtain drawn around one side and continuing on to the far wall. A little ways away, closer to the wall, is another bed. Sitting up, I realize I'm no longer in my own clothes – someone's put me in hospital PJs. I throw the covers off and swing my legs off the bed so I can get a closer look at the other patient.

Sasuke.

My heart speeds up instantly, panic rising through my blood. There are bandages on his face and the one arm that's above the covers. Taped at his elbow is a tube leading to an IV drip. I look away – I've always hated needles. But again the steady beep – beep – beep reminds me: stable.

Sasuke looks peaceful. He must have been given a lot of medication just to ease the pain. But why is he hooked up to a machine? Just how bad were the injuries? There was blood everywhere. I can still remember it, flowing freely, darkening the rainwater around him. I can still smell it, a dark, sickening scent. Though he's covered by sheets and, surely, bandages under that, I can still imagine those bright red slashes, that strangled yell when he...

I put a hand to my heart, chest heaving, painful. My eyes sting with tears. But I can't stop thinking about it, and the tears fall. I stay silent, trying to mask my shuddering breaths even as I drag my sleeve across my eyes. It hurts. It hurts in my heart, in my entire body, and it hurts more because I know I can't be hurting as much as he was. I curl up into a ball, sitting on my bed with my toes gripping the edge of the mattress. I hug my knees and bury my face, still shaking, still crying soundlessly.

This is love. This is what it means to love someone. I can't stop the pain; it hurts, it hurts so badly. I want it to stop. I don't want it to stop. It hurts, but it's not enough to pay Sasuke back for what happened. This is love, but it doesn't matter. Everything hurts. Me, him, everything.

When I can control my body a little, I cross the distance between our beds – it seems too far – and carefully climb in next to him. I take his hand in mine and silently bury my tears in the pillow.

—

"...Naruto?"

When I open my eyes, the first thing I see is Sasuke's face, quite close to mine, in a dim light that hints at the coming of dawn. I stare into his eyes for what seems like forever, searching for a message – anger, pain, anything – but all I can see is a peaceful happiness, so strong that I have to look away, as though I'd looked straight at the sun.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

His hand closes tighter around mine. "Stop."

My gaze flicks to his face again.

"It wasn't your fault, Naruto. I don't want you to apologize for anything."

"What if I want to apologize?" I turn away, once more unable to hold his stare.

"Then too bad for you."

"It hurts," I say, almost so quietly that neither of us can hear it. "Even if it wasn't me... it was my body. It may as well have been me. It hurts to know that."

"I'm not going to forgive you for anything." His tone is stern. "There's nothing to forgive."

I say nothing for a long while, staring at the wall in a sort of stupor. I can't help getting stuck in the endless cycle – I feel pain because of the pain I caused him, but then I feel bad for thinking my own pain could ever match his. With a listless will I drag myself out of it and ask, "How are your injuries?"