Bruises & Bitemarks (SasuNaru)

41.

I'm distracted all over again. Every time I look at Sasuke I can feel blood rush to my face. If he notices me looking at him, he just smiles, which only makes it worse. Finally, when he catches me staring at him changing after showering, he asks me why the hell I keep blushing.

I look away quickly. "I..." Throat dry, I swallow and try again. "I just... How can you act so normal?"

He laughs at my embarrassment. "You're still hung up on that?"

I drag a hand down my face, feeling my skin burning. "It's not every day you jack someone off," I groan. Then I realize the hand on my face was the one I used to do said jacking off. I snatch it away in alarm and stare at it. I can't hold it still. This... With this hand, I...

Another hand reaches into my vision and puts itself in mine. Sasuke rubs the middle my palm with his thumb.

"Hey. Don't worry about it."

I look up. The smile in his eyes and on his lips is soft, comforting.

"The fact that you were strong enough to do something like that for me... I can't tell you how much that's worth."

His fingers close around my hand, and I return the action, clutching tightly. Slowly, I pull him in, sliding my arms around him, and hug him close.

"I need to be near you," I whisper. "I need you."

"I'll always be here, Naruto. Always."

"Sasuke, I..." I take a deep breath. I can feel his heart beating against my chest, and my own pumping, not all that quickly, but very distinctly against his. "I can't say it."

His hand rests on the side of my head. He tucks my hair back behind my ear, and a flood of affection overwhelms me. So gentle... So tender. Sasuke.

"Write it," he says. "Remember, if you can't say it, you can always write to me."

"...It doesn't feel the same," I say, still clinging to him. He's still standing strong, holding me gently. "It's not right."

"What are you afraid of?" he asks, not teasingly, but comfortingly. "You know you can tell me anything. There's no reason to be uncomfortable."

I shake my head. "It's not about you. It's... I try not to even think about it. It's my own lack of courage."

"Then try to think about it. Think it through carefully, then talk to me."

I consider this, then nod. "Okay."

Silence envelops us like a blanket, holding us together. I close my eyes, concentrating on the warmth of Sasuke's touch, the life pumping through his veins, the sense of comfort and protection he's projecting. So quietly that the sound barely escapes my mouth, I whisper, "Can I kiss you?"

He squeezes me tightly. "You don't have to ask."

He allows me to pull back a little. I stop for a moment and stare into his eyes, trying to be as aware as possible of this moment, this contact between us. Just us in this little space, in the first place I've ever been able to call home. It's strange to think of how many times I've run these thoughts through my head, and how many times I've taken them for granted. It's been six months since I learned someone loved me, five since I found out who; and I've become so used to it. I can't forget sixteen years of loneliness, but I can cover it up with this overwhelming love.

"Naruto?" he says softly.

"I love you," I say, and press my lips to his.

—

Dinner after that is fairly quiet. We buy our food and bring it back with us to the dorm, where we eat in silence, sitting side by side at Sasuke's desk. In such a small space, we're nearly shoulder to shoulder, but I like it that way. Sasuke's closeness is something I'm so used to that I feel less whole when he's not nearby, as though a part of me is stuck with him. Sometimes his touch comforts me; on rare occasion it makes me uncomfortable, and sometimes it sets my heart on fire. My different reactions to his body have always been separate. So what do I do when the lines start to blur?