Learn To Love.

Chapter 2

  WARNING: VERY BLATANT RAPE/NONCON FONTCEST FLASHBACK IN THIS CHAPTER 

  hello darkness my old friend
(i was gonna touch on red's PTSD in another separate little diddy but figured HEY why not just do it here. more angst. lmfao)  

"Fuck... fuck..."

Red didn't know what the fuck to do. He sat behind the house, staring into the darkness of the trees, trying to calm his breathing and stop his hands from shaking. This wasn't happening. He grabbed fistfuls of snow and closed his eyes.

Papyrus was on top of him, fucking him, clawing him, kissing him. He ran his tongue along Sans's face like a dog before he bit down on his neck hard enough to make him scream into his gag.

"Stop it- fuck- stop-" Red breathed.

"Kiss me back," Papyrus demanded. Sans shook his head, trying to pretend he wasn't crying, trying to pretend that his brother wasn't fucking him senseless while he was tied to the bedposts and gagged.

"Kiss me back or I'll put my cock somewhere else," Papyrus growled, pulling out. He reached around and undid the gag and Sans obeyed him. As a reward, he kept himself inside of Sans's ass, instead of his eye socket.

Red grabbed his skull and gritted his teeth. It was cold, and he tried to focus on that. The memory lingered, half alive and disgusting and dark, until it sank back like something submerged in mud. Red felt gross. He felt wrong and gross and he hated it.

It took him a while, but how long exactly he had no idea. It could've been five minutes or it could've been half an hour. He waited until his breathing calmed down and his head stopped buzzing.

It was Blueberry . It was a kiss- spur of the moment, meaningless, Sans probably regretted it. Of course he did. He'd said sorry- but Red still felt his teeth on him and his chest tightened.

"Stop it. Don't- don't fucking do this. You can't." Red hugged himself again. When he looked at Sans he felt happy. He felt... not-gross. He felt like a normal fucking person when he was around his counterpart. He wanted to keep Blueberry safe, and happy, and he wanted to make him smile. That was what friends felt, right? That was how he was supposed to feel?

He rocked himself. He didn't fucking know. How the hell was he supposed to know this shit? He'd never loved anybody like he loved Blueberry, but they weren't supposed to kiss. Kissing was- kissing meant you wanted to do other things. Blueberry- he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do that to Red. He wouldn't. He... he wouldn't.

But I would. I did . I raped him-

Red couldn't stop himself. He scratched viciously at his arms, the dust drifting down to mix with the snow. He had no right to feel like this- he was the one who'd done it, Blueberry was the only one who should be sitting in the snow crying. He had absolutely no right.

He stayed there for a long time.

Red didn't come back. Sans felt like he was going to be sick, because he had messed up, and Red was suffering for it. What had he been thinking ? Clearly a whole lot of nothing, to do that to his friend without asking.

He slapped himself in the face. He was an idiot. A big, fat, dumb idiot, and he felt awful.

He cleaned the whole house again. He cleaned Papy's bedroom, and he even did his laundry. He knew he was stress-cleaning but he didn't know what else to do. Go out and search for Red? Would Red even want to see him after what had happened? Had he ruined the friendship they'd had?

Blueberry groaned aloud and admonished himself for freaking out like he was. Red was the only one who had a right to be upset- poor Red. Sans didn't know the specifics of Red's abuse, but he'd triggered something, and he felt awful. Sure, it would be nice to be Red's boyfriend and kiss him and hold his hands sometimes, but- Blueberry caught himself and felt a sharp pang of guilt. No, he couldn't feel that way. He couldn't force his romantic feelings on the skeleton. Red probably didn't even want to be more than friends! But, that was for Red to decide on his own time. Red was like a shy rabbit, and he had been through a hell Sans could never in his life understand. He cared about Red too much to make him uncomfortable.

He groaned and cleaned and then re-cleaned everything he'd already cleaned. Red didn't come back and Sans thought he was going to puke. He'd messed up so bad. He'd apologize to Red and beg for forgiveness as soon as he came back. No! He would say sorry but he wouldn't beg- Red didn't have to feel pressured to forgive him.

Red didn't like Sans like Sans liked Red, and that was okay. Blueberry just wanted him to be okay.