Learn To Love.

Chapter 13

After the first few visits, therapy stopped being so scary. He still got nervous every time Ursa came out and said his name and he had to say goodbye to his escort- which was usually Sans but sometimes Papyrus or Gaster- and was left alone with the bear monster. But, like usual, Sans was right. Ursa was really nice, and they always listened to everything he said- or more often than not, all the things he didn't say.

The first couple of weeks were spent mostly learning skills he could use to cope with things before he got bad. He got his medicine- but Dr. Shore said it might take a while to find one that would work the best. Eventually, she said, he might not even need medicine. He did his best to learn all the things Ursa taught him, and to use the skills he had. He spent the boat-rides home telling Sans what they did, what he'd learned, all the things they talked about. He didn't like telling Ursa about how often he'd cut, or how he wanted to be dead a lot, but they never looked down on him or made him feel little.

He remembered Ursa's words as he sat alone in his bedroom with a sharp crafting knife clutched in his hand: things will get worse before they get better.

He shouldn't. He shouldn't do it- he knew it. But he was hurting and he wanted the aching pain in his chest to go away, even just for a while. His hands were shaking. He was crying, but he stifled it back.

He didn't want to talk about what had happened before. He didn't want to talk about his Papyrus, or the abuse, he just wanted to forget. He knew it was for the best that he opened up, but it hurt. Even just thinking about it hurt.

He heard Papyrus in the next room over. He was laughing at something, probably on the computer or his phone. What would Papyrus think if he came in? What would he do? Red felt so awful for what he'd unintentionally done to him- making him see something so fucking horrid and bad. He didn't want to make Papyrus or Sans or his father feel like that again.

He put the blade to his scarred bones but gritted his teeth together. He shouldn't. God he really fucking shouldn't but he felt like he had to and it wasn't like he'd do it so deep- just some scratches- just a few-

He scrambled to his feet and threw the knife away. Ursa had told him to tell somebody- talk to someone if he felt like he wanted to hurt himself. He had to do something- it was unbearable. Being alone with his own thoughts and the feeling like greasy sludge in his bones would drive him insane. His mind felt a little cloudy but he found himself at Papyrus's door before he could think about it. He opened it without even knocking and stood there, still shaking and crying like a kid.

"Oh, hey Red-" Papyrus lazily wheeled his desk chair around before he caught sight of the crying skeleton. His eyes went wide. Red sniffled and hugged himself.

"C-Can I talk to you?" he asked. He felt stupid. He felt really fucking stupid, but Papyrus was on his feet in a second and had his arms around Red the next. Red leaned into him without even thinking.

Papyrus guided him to his messy bed and sat him down. He stayed close, though. Red was glad for that. He leaned into the bigger monster and Papyrus had him back in a hug before he knew it.

"What's wrong?"

"Ursa told me... I should do this. I-Instead of... other things. Sorry," Red added without thinking.

"Hey- hey, don't be sorry. Did you...?"

"No," he said with a sniffle. He buried his face in Papyrus's hoodie to block out the rest of the world. "I'm just a fuckin' mess."

"You're fine," Pap said as he comfortingly rubbed Red's back. "I'm glad you came. Did... did something happen?"

Red was quiet for a bit. Papyrus was so warm and soft, like a big marshmallow. He felt his soul beat, heard him breathing. He was there. Red hugged him a little tighter.