Ten & Levan

Epilogue

LEVAN

8 years later

I wake up to the sensation of a grip inside my throat, one that would usually be associated with intense fear or angst. A nightmare, most definitely. Every time I open my eyes, it's gone, I don't even remember a fleck of it. But sweat mists my forehead, my spine still tingles, and my hands are still balled up tight; traces, that's all they are, of a nightmare I never seem to remember.

But just as the frenzy starts to subside, I realize the vast emptiness that lies in front of me. I'm lying on my side, staring straight at the window that's starting to pour sunlight in, but not quite. I lost her, she's not here, I lost her, I'm empty. My throat starts to dry up, my heartbeat picks up and panic sets in once more. Ten, Ten, Ten, Ten, goes on inside me head on a frantic loop, lost, lost, lost, lost.

When sanity does begin to burst back into my groggy brain, I support myself up on an elbow and look to my left. Fanned across the white pillow, in contrast, are deep, dark waves; waves that I'm sure now, don't stain. That's when my heartbeat slows to a calm, and I draw a deep breath in. Placing a kiss on her shoulder, I wrap my body around her tiny frame, and her warmth instantly welcomes me home. Ten, you are home.

She shuffles in my arms, turning so that her face is next to mine. Even though her eyes are squeezed shut and she's probably only partially awake, she reaches for my face, her sleepy fingers running across my plains, until she finds my mouth and her lips graze against mine. She kisses me with fervor, making my heartbeat come to a halt. I grin, she does it every time.

"Happy birthday..." her raspy mumble is followed by a yawn. I kiss her back, her mouth is warm and sweet when she's just woken up. But she stayed up late last night, probably working on a screenplay, and I don't want to be the heartless beast who woke a hardworking boss-woman up too soon so I pull back rather quickly than I wanted. Her eyes flutter open then, warm browns to wintery blues, "...Number Eleven," she finishes with a smile. I can't help, I'm under a never-wrecking spell, so I smile right back, baring my teeth and practically all of me.

"You've already conveyed that last night, really well," I remind her, she bites her bottom lip, her cheeks turning a golden pink, "but thanks..." I say, placing a kiss on her temple. Ten giggles and closes her eyes again. She shuffles until her face is carefully nestled against the crook of my neck, where she gives me another peck.

"Do you have an appointment with Dr. Smith this evening?" she mumbles, yawning yet again. I tell her I don't. She mumbles something about good shrinks, but I don't really catch all of it, because she's already falling back asleep, I can tell.

"I'm gonna take a shower," I coo in her ear, suggestively.

"I'll be there..." she whispers back, but we both know that not going to happen. The baby is due in August but it's already taking a toll on her. I shouldn't let her work late any longer. I think of the many ways I can coerce her into bed sooner starting today.

I lay awake but not quite, trying to shaking the bits and flecks of the nightmare that still clings to me, and when Ten's breathing is soft and even, I slither out from under her embrace. She doesn't budge, it gives me an uneasy feeling, but the sun filters through her splayed out dark hair, making it seem much lighter, almost like caramel, and that's how I know I've lost her, yes, but only temporarily, so that's okay.

As I make my way into the bathroom, I try to not frown at the future-plans that cover a whole wall in the form of sticky notes. There's also a long list of baby names that still includes Six and Seven, even though I clearly told her that we're not naming our child a number. There are a few maps that Ten has on display beside her desk, tacked with places she wants to go next, radium constellations on the ceiling so that we always have our personal sky, and plants inside the bathroom, I still don't know what purpose they serve. In my defense, after all this time, I'm still getting used to Ten, but you can never really get used to her. She's always something new.

Turning the shower on, I sigh, letting the water course down my body and calm me. I smile to myself as I think about the morning Ten ordered me to propose to her, over breakfast. Now, it wasn't like I wasn't thinking about it, but Ten being Ten, had to get to it first. I remember almost dribbling my cereal out. I'm not kidding when I say I hadn't even brushed my teeth, and since we had nothing closer to a ring, add to it, the fact that I got nervous as hell, I ended up sliding a Froot Loop onto her pinkie, which Ten laughed about for days.

We got married a year ago, barefoot on the beach. Ten was the most colorful bride you'd ever see, with paint splattered on her Ivory dress, flowers woven into her wild, dark hair, and the way danced down the aisle. She took my breath away, she's done it every single day. We ended up building sandcastles for the rest of the evening because what do you even do after you're done taking the vows? She told me it had been on her list of plans for a long time. I still don't know if she was talking about getting married, or playing in the sand.

My thoughts take a shift and I wonder if dad will be here this evening, he's only visited a couple of times since we bought the new place; the Sun House, that's what Ten calls it. He's been sober ever since he was entered in a rehabilitation facility. He's really turned his life around, he's got a new job and I see in him, the father he tries to be to Ava, even though she lives with us. I wonder if everyone's going to be here for the birthday party that I know Ten's having for me. She thinks it's a surprise, but it's obvious because I helped her blow all the balloons yesterday. I laugh to myself.

Sometimes I don't get her.

Most times I really don't get her.

But I also know that I'd never get anyone better than Ten. To me, she's the only thing that makes sense.

When I do get out of the shower, Ten is not in the bed sleeping as I expected, she's hopping around the room trying to fit into a boot. When did she change? What's happening?

"Are you...going somewhere?" I ask her, wide-eyed. She looks up at me while zipping up her jeans.

"Not just me, we are," she tells me, throwing a bunch clothes smack on my face, "put theses on," I stand at the doorjamb gaping at her, my mind trying to process everything as quickly as possible. She hurries to run a brush through her hair. "Quick, Number Eleven! We don't have time!" she chides.

I quietly put on the clothes without any further questions. In the next five minutes, we're rushing out the house and into the car. Ten backs it up and she's practically heaving, which according to me isn't alright. A panting Ten is never fine. Even though she breathes better now than she did before, she still gives me scares occasionally. Last time we went cliff diving, she couldn't breathe for twenty minutes straight afterwards. I almost died, again.

"You okay?" I ask her. She ignores my question completely and asks me to give her a time check. Looking at my phone, I tell her it's seven twenty. She sighs with relief. What's even going on?

"Thank god, we can still make it," she says to herself. I don't even know what we can make, and what's going through her brain anyway. I look at the backseat, I needed to clear it first thing in the morning, it's still stuffed to the brim with copies of Revolutionary from the book-signing event the day before. I make a mental note to do it tomorrow.

"Are you gonna tell me where we're going?" I ask her as I turn around and watch her shoulders relax. She puts on her sunglasses and turns up the stereo.

"Don't worry, Number Eleven, I have a plan," she tells me, grinning ear to ear. Warmth spreads across my body like wildfire. I try to remember the notes on the walls and wonder what it could be. But there's just so many options.

Measuring my confused expression, she giggles, it's the sound I love the most. Warning: Tenfection is contagious; if you catch it you never stop smiling. Since I'm a long term patient, all I can really do is smile, full and wide.

I know she'll always have plans, and I'll always follow.

THE END