New or Old Love?

Deadly

You had gone out on supply runs for the Alexandrians for over a week now, as they knew you were their best asset, given that you trained with who were arguably the most deadly survivors. You always went out alone, and you always came back alone, with everything that anyone had asked of you. No matter how much Rick tried to convince you, you never let anyone else go with you, not even him, you never told him why but you knew that he knew it was because you needed the time alone. To think. To sort through your head. Not only that, but he knew everyone was afraid of you; you were deadly in your own right, and you could easily take down any opponent, at any time. Your training had given you that ability, mainly from Dean's lessons, not so much Scott's. But nevertheless, you were the most deadly survivor out there, and everyone in every community knew it. When you got back from your 'missions', you would curl up with a book and ignore everyone else, the only person who was allowed to disturb you was anyone from Moriarty's Gang. No-one else. Not Rick, not Negan, no-one. You were, essentially, an attack dog. Used only for others' whims, never your own, and the most deadly thing known to the new world. No matter how many undead you faced, you always came out on top. You were deadly. In every aspect of the word. 

"I am not throwing away my shot!" you growled at Rick, who had followed you one day whilst out on a run, and you were aiming your bow and arrow at a deer that hadn't yet seen you; Rick sighed and looked away, when he did, you took your shot. Right in the deer's head, killing it instantly. You smirked triumphantly and made your way over to what would be dinner for the Alexandrians that night. 
"Y/n, why won't you talk to me?" he asked, you rolled your eyes and glanced at him before hauling the deer onto the back of your motorbike, securing it with some half-decent ropes, you turned back to him and crossed your arms over your chest. 
"Because, Rick, there's nothing to talk about. We're not together anymore, you decided that when you told me last week" you growled, venom dripping from your words; Rick had broken things off as you continued to spend more and more time training, ignoring him and refusing to talk to anyone but Moriarty's Gang; it was his last resort, but he knew it would only end in anguish if he allowed you to deteriorate, and he had hoped that he had snapped you out of it by saying he wanted out. Clearly not. 
"Y/n-"
"Shut it, Rick, just go home" you barked, Rick's lips parted as if he was about to say something, but you had walked away, leaving him stood by your motorbike. He mumbled a small "I lost you" before shaking his head, getting back into his own car, and driving back to Alexandria. 

You had found yourself in a particularly hairy situation: a group of men were trying to attack you, taking your stuff, and steal your weapons. You were fending them off pretty well, but there were thirty or so of them and only one of you, and no matter how much training you had, you were no match. 
"Oi, motherfuckers!" you were sure you were hallucinating from blood loss when you heard Dean's voice, followed by the sounds of dying men's final words. 
"Dean!?" you called, fighting off the last man and heading toward where you had heard his voice; you were shocked to find him there, covered in blood, a smirk on his face. 
"Alright?" he asked, his eyes studying your blood spattered clothing and looking for anything that John had told him would point to you being injured. 
"Yeah, you?" you asked, brows furrowed, you shook your head before adding, "Why are you here?" 
"Oh, Rick sent me. He was pretty worried about you being all alone. Y'know how he is, overprotective boyfriend and all that" Dean shrugged, peeling off his blood soaked shirt and discarding it, you paid him no mind as you climbed onto your motorbike. 
"Cheers. And he's not my boyfriend" you told him, driving off and leaving your best friend stunned, gaping like a gulper fish. 
"Y/N! WAIT!" he called, easily running up to you and stopping you. You sighed and looked at him, "What?" 
"What do you mean he's not your boyfriend?" the Welshman asked, you rolled your eyes and explained, Dean was shocked and hurt that you hadn't told him, but he understood why you didn't. 
"So, what're you gonna do?" he asked, you shrugged and were about to start your bike again when he asked, "Are you okay?" 
"No. Dean, I'm not okay. Rick broke up with me, my head's a mess, and honestly? The only time I can actually clear my head is when I'm on these supply runs, otherwise thoughts of Rick or Negan just throw me off. I can't have that. I'm the most deadly living person, thanks to you and Scott, and I can't just throw that away" you told him, Dean sighed and scratched the top of his head as he thought, his curly brunet hair getting caught in his fingertips. 
"Is that why you won't talk to anyone? Because you don't wanna throw away what you've trained for? Y/n, listen, none of that shit matters anymore. You can't just let yourself become some emotionless wreck! You gotta rise up above that, you gotta make a decision. Do you wanna be with Rick? Do you wanna be with Negan? Or do you wanna suffer? Because that's all I can see right here, is you suffering. Y/n, you were there for me when I began cutting, and to me, this is your version of cutting, and I gotta return the favour. I refuse to stand by and watch you become the deadliest person, an emotionless monster, just because of your head" he argued, you rolled your eyes and sighed. 
"Dean, I won't talk to anyone because I keep getting flashbacks of Rick or Negan. I can't throw away what I've trained for, not when it can save lives. I'm already an emotionless wreck, Dean, I have been for a week now. I can't make a decision when there isn't one. I deserve to suffer, Dean" you deadpanned, starting your motorbike again and driving off. 

"'ow is she?" John asked, sitting with Dean, Scott, Rick and Dwight. They all sighed. 
"She's got it in her head that she deserves to suffer" Dean admitted, explaining the encounter he had had with you a few hours ago to the rest of the men around him. 
"She won't talk to me" Dwight sighed, he wanted you to be you again, not some killing machine that only showed emotion when you were on your 'missions'. 
"She won't talk to me, either" Scott lamented, the other men nodded and sighed with him. 
"We need to do something, John" Rick pleaded to the cockney doctor, who gave him a woeful look. 
"I'm not sure what do to, Rick. She ain't talkin' to none of us, and she could kill us all thanks to a couple of idiots who thought it'd be a good idea to train 'er and make 'er the deadliest damn person out there" John sent a glare towards Dean and Scott as he said that, he turned back to Rick and continued, "But I do think if we get 'er ta see 'ow much we cares about 'er, then maybe she'll open up, no matter 'ow deadly she is." 
"When?" the others asked in unison, turning to the only hope they had. 
"Tonight. We'll wait at 'er place, and we'll get 'er to talk." John told them.