New or Old Love?

One Step At A Time

Careful. Quiet. Deadly. Your prey was mere seconds away, and all you had to do was pounce. All you had to do was run, grab it by the neck and take it down. Your body acted before your mind, and before you could stop yourself, Dean was on the ground, laughing.
"You're getting pretty good" he smiled, his Welsh accent making the compliment seem more honest. You grinned; you had been training with Dean and Scott since they had advised you on the situation with Rick and Negan, and you couldn't have been more happy. Training allowed you to take your mind off of everything and focus solely on being the quickest, strongest, deadliest what could be called an assassin in the 'new' world.
"Well, I do have the best teachers" you waved at Scott, who was applauding enthusiastically as he walked over to you and Dean.
"Shut up" Dean nudged you playfully, causing you and Scott to exchange a look before tackling him to the ground; the three of you laughed and you almost forgot your situation, but as soon as you heard Negan whistling in the background, your mood dropped. 
"Morning gorgeous" Negan grinned as he walked over to you, you smiled at him quickly before tidying yourself up and packing your stuff up so that you could drive back to Alexandria; you spent most of your days training, then returned to Alexandria at night, although you stayed in one of the more secluded houses  - not that you spent a lot of time there, as you kept sneaking out and finding solace and sanctuary amongst the trees in the forest to the back. 
"It's almost dark, Negan. I gotta go, anyway. Dean, Scott, I'll see you tomorrow." you told them, getting onto your motorbike and speeding off into the distance. 

"You're back" Rick smiled, taking your hand gently and helping you off of your motorbike as you parked it just outside your house. 
"Yeah" you answered, smiling at him shyly, you had decided to stay in an empty house so that you could work through your feelings - Rick understood greatly, of course, and had given you your space when you asked for it, or when he thought you needed it- before adding, "I think we need to talk." Rick's heart dropped as he sat on your porch with you, he noticed how you seemed a little off, a little distressed, like an animal that had been in the wild all its life only to be caged right in the middle of it. 
"W-what about?" Rick feared losing you, he had already thought you had left him after you had been shot, but now he feared he was losing you for good. 
"Rick, I don't know how to say this, so bear with me... I love you, I really do, but after a long, very long, process of thinking and looking back and going back and forth through my head, I've realised that I still have feelings for Negan. I know, I know, what he did was deplorable, and I'm an idiot for still feeling anything but resentment for him, but... I still love him. Rick, I understand how you feel about him, and I understand if you want me out of Alexandria. But I still love you" you allowed him to think, to run through your words himself so that he could tell you how he felt, and you saw the tears brimming in his gorgeous cyan eyes. 
"Y/n, I love you too, and if you still have feelings for Negan, then... I get it. I can't change it. I don't want you out of Alexandria, I want you here, with me, if you want to be here with me, of course. If you want to go to the Sanctuary, then go, but promise me you'll stay in contact and that you'll at least stay here until morning. I can't lose you" he told you, his brunet eyebrows furrowing with plight as he looked into your eyes, the tears were making their way down his face and it was only then that you noticed the marks of weakness, the marks of woe. 
"Rick, I'll stay here, but I can't stay with you, I don't want to hurt you if I get back with Negan. Of course, if I do go to the Sanctuary, I will stay in contact with you, Rick, I'll always be here for you. Whether I'm with you or not. I'll always be here. You won't lose me, okay?" you cupped his cheeks and almost cried when he leaned into your touch, you had no idea what to do, what to say, where to go, or who to talk to. 
"Okay" he nodded slowly, you smiled sadly at him and began to open the door to your house when he licked his lips and asked if he could come in. You agreed, and the two of you sat on the sofa, the silence deafening. 
"Does this mean... We're through?" Rick asked, his voice hoarse and cracking, as if he was scared to say the words aloud; in all truth, you feared having to answer that question. 
"I... I don't know" you admitted, looking into his eyes and sighing. He was so beautiful, such a diamond in the rough, that it made you scared to look at him for fear he would break, as if he was made of china. 
"What do we do?" he asked, fearing the answer whereas you feared the question. 
"Rick, I know fuck all at this point. I don't know what I'm supposed to say, to do, where to go, who to talk to, or even if I should be fucking breathing right now" you told him honestly, tears spilling from the anguish that was tearing through your heart, Rick sighed and did what he always had to do: be brave. 
"Y/n, it's okay that you don't know anything. I don't either. What do you say... What do you say we take this one step at a time?" he offered, you nodded slowly and hugged him, not wanting to let go for fear that if you did then he wouldn't be there. 
"Yeah... One step at a time." you agreed.