only the lonely // josh klinghoffer

ch. 27

"Are you gonna be okay? You're acting strange.." whispered Jakob as we tried to keep up with Josh as he led us towards the back.

I looked at him but I couldn't produce any words. I just nodded my head, hoping he'd believe me. I was still thinking that I was inside of a dream and that I hadn't woken up yet. Josh was literally inches away from me and I couldn't keep my cool. 

"I can't believe we're going backstage!" he whispered loudly to me as he dragged me along. He was so excited but I was still having trouble processing all of this.

Josh was a few steps ahead of us, and opened the door to the backroom for Jakob and I to enter.

Before I could process what was happening, I was bombarded with hugs by Anthony, Chad and Flea. They each picked me up, hugging me so tightly that their sweat from the show rubbed off on me. God I missed these guys so much, even if they smelled.

"Long time, no see beautiful," said Anthony as he hugged me gently.

"You didn't tell me you were coming to see us?" asked Chad, fumbling around with his drumstick.

"Yeah I didn't know you were in Houston?" asked Flea, his arms crossed, staring at me with his funny smile.

"Uh, yeah. I came back home for a while, to visit my dad. He got me tickets to see you guys," I replied, realizing that Josh was still staring at me. It took everything in me not to go over there and apologize for how much of an idiot I had been these past few months. But I needed to keep it together. At least for a little while.

I turned next to me, realizing that Jakob wasn't there. I turned around and found him frozen by the door.

"Oh shit," I thought. He's probably wondering how the hell I know these guys.

"And this is my friend Jakob!" I grabbed his arm and dragged him over to meet the guys.

"Sorry for freaking out back there. I'm just a big fan," he said, shaking the hands of the guys and complimenting them on their show tonight.

I watched them talk for a while before Anthony interrupted, "There's a small gathering happening in a few minutes at the top of this hotel in the city. You both should join us, yeah?"

He was looking at me as if he needed to tell me something. How could I ever say no to him.

"Dude, yes! We're so there!" Jakob answered for me. I smiled weakly, following along everyone as they entered on their bus that was going to take us to the party.

The ride felt like hours, even though it was only a ten minute drive. I knew Josh was staring at me and as much as I wanted to return his gaze, I forced myself not to. I didn't want to have a confrontation right here in front of everyone, even though they already knew that there was something going on. Except Jakob.

When we exited the bus, I wasn't surprised to see that lots of fans had followed the bus here. They surrounded the entrance to the hotel, holding out lots of merchandise to be signed and such.

I stepped off the bus and tried to maneuver my way inside, completely taken off guard when I felt someone gently hold my hand and pull me inside. This touch felt familiar. It wasn't Jakob's, like I had become used to. It was Josh's, and he didn't hesitate as he interlocked his fingers with mine.

I wanted to melt instantly. And I didn't want to let go of him, ever.

It was he and I who were left behind as everyone else had already taken the last elevator up to the top of the hotel. I wondered if Anthony may have planned this? Maybe he knew Josh & I would be forced to take the next elevator by ourselves.

Nice, Anthony.

The elevator doors finally opened as we both ushered inside. He pressed the button and remained still.

As much as I wanted to say something, I didn't have the courage to. What do I even say?

Do I say hey?

Or do I go straight to apologizing?

I wasn't prepared for this at all, but I noticed that we were still holding hands, connected as if we never let go of each other. Physically and emotionally.. 

I started coaching myself in my head, telling myself that I needed to stop being such a brat and talk to him.

I looked over at him and before I could say anything, a ding went off and the elevator doors opened, revealing lots of unfamiliar faces mingling with each other.

We both walked out of the elevator, and I instantly spotted Jakob who was walking over to me with two drinks in his hand.

Before I could say what I wanted to Josh, I felt my hand being released and he had excused himself and disappeared into the crowd. I wanted to slap myself for not saying anything sooner. I was also hoping Jakob wouldn't notice that we were just holding hands.

"Okay, you've got major explaining to do. How do you know these guys and didn't tell me?" Jakob asked, taking a sip from his drink.

I felt relieved he didn't mention anything about the hand holding.

"I can't believe I let it slip my mind," I chuckled. "Long story short- I met their new guitarist at a bar in LA. And then I somehow met the whole band."

Jakob looked at me with confused eyes. "Really? A bar? I need to get out more and see who I can end up meeting in a bar.."

I laughed, taking another sip from my drink.

For what seemed like hours, Jakob and I were found talking to so many different people. I assumed that these people were probably part of the crew or somehow involved with the band, and that this was some kind of 'last tour party' since they only had one more show left to play before the tour was over. I really was having fun, but I was feeling overwhelmed by meeting and speaking with so many different people.

I excused myself from Jakob and made my way over to the edge. I pulled out my cigarette box from my pocket, taking one cigarette out and putting it into my mouth. I reached into my other pocket and tried to find my lighter that I always carried with me, but I didn't feel it.

"Shit," I said to myself.

I looked around, thinking an imaginary lighter would appear, when I noticed that Josh was next to me, holding a lit cigarette in his hand.

"I can get that for you," he said, inching closer to me.