Allodoxaphobia ♅ Viktuuri

22) ''I Can't''

A/N Here, have a ridiculously long chapter in which I try to make Lily not the bad guy but clearly fail in doing so.

Another week passed and it seemed that things were beginning to find routine again. It was Monday again and Yuuri found himself in Viktor's classroom as he did every lunchtime. Yuri had yet to turn up to school at all. He had supposedly been ill but they both knew better. They would leave it for now, he just needed time. He had the ability to catch up in his subjects, they both knew that. Yuuri, especially, who had been trying to do so for weeks after his continued absences.

'Yuuri, it's been awhile since we talked about this. Are you sure?' Viktor confirmed, watching as Yuuri's brows furrowed and relaxed, over and over as if his thoughts were just bringing him around in circles. Yuuri nodded, nonetheless, squeezing his eyes shut once more.

'I'm sure, Viktor. I have to at least try.' Viktor nodded and took his place on the floor opposite Yuuri, both of their legs folded. Viktor just watched, painfully aware of the winces that Yuuri was showing the more he concentrated.

A minute or two must have passed before Yuuri gritted his teeth and opened his eyes. 'Nothing.' He breathed, frustrated, a look of sadness quickly passing over his face before he shook his head and found some resolve.

'Viktor, I need you to talk me through it. Your power I mean. I know, you've had it from birth, you probably don't know the steps or anything but at the moment, anything will help. I'm clueless here.' Yuuri explained, his eyes solemn but determined.

Viktor sighed, running a shaky hand through his silver locks that glistened gently as the sun poured through the windows- an awkward contrast to the sullen atmosphere. 'I don't know where to start.' Viktor muttered, looking to the ceiling for a short moment, sifting through his thoughts, trying to pick out the single one that would help him. 'I'm not sure how to without using it.' Viktor sighed, defeated. Yuuri had other plans.

'Use it on me. If it would help, I give you your full permission to use it on me.' Viktor stared at him, shock a secondary thought to his confusion. His mouth hung slightly agape as he stared at the boy.

'I can't, Yuuri. Not only do I not want to but I'm your...' his words fell short. The word seemed incorrect. The word 'teacher' was a falsehood to them now, nothing more than what others told them they were. Not even Viktor could persuade himself of what he was anymore.

In simplistic terms, yes, he was Yuuri's teacher. He taught and Yuuri learnt. But, their relationship was far from it. Just as it was beginning to draw away from their friendship. They were something more. They both just knew that they could never admit that 'more'.

'You can use it, Viktor, I'm giving you my permission.' Viktor's face turned blank. Any emotions had drifted away, leaving him thoughtless. It was as if Viktor was detaching himself from his own body. But, with the same dedication as he put into so much he did, he furrowed his eyebrows and spoke- not that he needed to but it was clearer to himself what the stages were if he voiced them aloud.

'Lift your arm.' Viktor's eyes shut in concentration. If he was going to explain this, he had to dedicate his mind to every single thought and action he went through. Yuuri did just that, despite his unwillingness, his arm lifted; at first, almost painfully. Viktor's power was a battle of two wills, a battle in which Viktor never lost. Viktor breathed out, taking a huge gulp of air afterwards as if he hadn't breathed for days. Afterwards, taking deep breaths, seemingly to calm himself down more so than for the sake of breathing itself.

'Viktor?' Yuuri asked, his voice no louder than a pin dropping, worry lacing the edges of his words. Viktor's head shot up in acknowledgement, a small smile crossing his face.