When everything falls apart

one of those mornings

It was seven am when I dragged myself out of bed to the doorbell. “Alright I’m coming.” I yell pulling my hair into a ponytail taking special note that Harry obviously liked it like this. Harry? What the hell? Where did that come from?

I shake my head of the thoughts running down the stair in my floral print pyjama shorts and pink top. I open the door to see Harry standing there Green eyes dark and unwelcoming. “What the hell are you doing here?” I yawn leaning against the door frame blocking his path into my lounge room. “Good morning to you to.” He says sarcastically mimicking my actions of leaning on the door frame “well aren’t you just a ray of sunshine in the morning.” He rolls his eyes; I take in his appearance his trademark black t-shirt matching the colour of the ink on his arms but what catches my notice is the bruises that still cover his arms just as deep and purple as the other day. Harry catches me staring before turning to the side so only half of them are visible. I shake my head watching him break the silence “dragon lady gave us our criteria for the speech on Monday.” I smile behind the paper at the name he gave my principle. “Are you here to help me or...” I ask but recoil when His eyes turn dark again “nope just the messenger.”

“Oh so we’re not going to coordinate or whatever?”

“Well I’m not that bothered I was hoping you’d write my half.”

“Fine whatever,” I go to shut the door but he stops it with his foot “fine c’mon let’s get this crap over and done with.” He sighs barging into my house.

“I just need to get changed.”

“Fine with me.” He goes to follow me up the stairs but I shake my head at him. “Really?” I ask quite annoyed that he would think I was like one of his womanizer girls.  “Fine but can I at least wait in your room.”

“Fine.” I sigh defeated as he plonks onto my bed looking around my room. When something catches my eye the same time it catches his. “Is that our old class?” He whispers when he walks over to my pin board where a picture of our primary school class lies behind photos of me. I groan “yeah well I never had the opportunity to burn it.” He takes it into his hands running his fingers over us all. “You look like you’re crying.” He observes looking at me I swallow trying to get rid of the lump in my throat. “Really I don’t...”

“Why?” He asks walking over to me I shut my eyes thinking of the whole scene.

FLASH BACK

“Catch!” Someone shouts in my direction I nod holding my hand up as Harry does I throw my hand up gripping the ball. Everyone’s eyes widen even though I’ve caught the ball I still feel that horrible feeling in the pits of my stomach. “Good Catch.” I look to where Zayn Malik is next to me I smile at his compliment before looking to Harry who’s fuming. “That was my ball .....” I swallow breathing heavily “I’m sorry i didn’t realise...” But I’m stopped in my tracks by Harry grabbing a cricket bat I step away turning my back before feeling a cracking sound against my hip. “I told you it was MY ball.” I nod through mm tears “it won’t happen again.”

“Oh don’t worry I know it won’t.”Harry sneers, my sports teacher walks back in smiling at me as I try to hide my tears. “Great Catch Jay.” I see Harry’s teeth clench as I just wish she’d just shut up. “Okay; class photo everyone Harry, Jay jump in the back.” I gasp jumping up and standing next to Harry who is purposely holding the cricket bat so it scrapes my back where a bruise already forming. I can’t stop them the tears just fall down my cheeks.

FLASHBACK ENDS

“Jay? Why were you crying?” He asks softly stepping so close to me that our bodies press together. “It was probably the heat or something.” I murmur to embarrassed to say the real reason. He grips my arm staring into my eyes “don’t lie to me.”

“Oh like you don’t” I remark he presses his lips into a line “I never lied to you.”

“Oh yeah? When was this before or after you pushed me up to a wall while you yell in my face? I challenge he narrows his eyes stepping closer to me. “Tell me the truth.” I gulp his frame making me feel a little intimidated. Just a little.

“You hit me with the cricket bat before the photo! Happy?” I yell cocking my hip in his direction Harry’s brow “wh-why?” He stammers I tilt my head to the side “like you don’t remember.” I spit Harry steps forward so I take a step back making him frown. “Are you scared of me?” He asks I furrow my brow he asked that yesterday.

“No.”

“You should be.” I gulp looking at the bruises on his arm the colours making me feel sick. “Where did you get them?” I nod my head in the direction of Harry’s forearms. Harry glances at me shrugging “why do you even care?” He remarks I bite my lip running a hand through my already messy hair. “Now will you tell me why I hit you?”

“No.” I reply to a frustrated Harry. “God dammit Jay what did you do send me some sassy remark? Push me?”

“I did nothing.” Harry stops his green eyes burning into mine. “We both went for the same cricket catch and I...I caught it and you didn’t you got mad and whacked me on the hip.” I whisper looking to the ground “that’s no excuse to...to hit you.” He whispers putting the photo down his expression pained. “Well I came out alright didn’t I? I’m fine...”

“It’s not fucking fine. I was so fucked up.” He yells I’m scared he’ll grab something and break it from the way he’s fuming. “Harry...please I’m fine look at me it barely bruised.” I lie trying to soothe him and not knowing why. “Barely? Stop lying if you got whacked with a bat it would kill Jay!”

“I’m fine! Would you calm down?”

“No!”He shouts back sitting down on my bed his head in his hands. I sigh kneeling down in front of him. “Harry look at me I’m fine see?” I lift his chin so he’s looking into my eyes. “Please believe me I’m sick of saying I’m fine.” He doesn’t laugh like I wanted him to he doesn’t even smile he holds my hands “where did it bruise you?”He asks cautiously I swallow pointing to my hip even though it had been so many years in my head I can still see the mirror I saw everyday for two weeks the black mark present. He runs his hands over the spot my fingers were pointing to, his touch sending small electric sparks through my body. “I’m so sorry.” He murmurs staring intently on the spot just above the waistband of my pyjama shorts. I swallow moving his fingers away from my skin standing up so he cranes his neck to look at me. “I’m going to go get changed.” I murmur he nods “you really have no idea what affect you can have do you?”

He whispers I stop in my tracks my breathing heavy as I stand there for a few minutes I hear him walk up behind me. “I mean it.” Harry mutters pulling me lightly so I’m facing him our eyes exactly level. “Harry...” I begin but he silences me by pulling my body towards his so our chests are touching. He runs his finger tip along my cheek moving stray strands of hair out of the way. His breathing tickling my neck and cheeks. He leant forward “show me where else I hurt you.” He murmurs I shake my head. “No.”

“Please?” He begs continuing to cup my cheek lightly, I gulp taking a slight step back “no.” I repeat shaking my head knowing it won’t help anyone. He continues to run his fingers along my hip is free hand taking my ponytail and pulling it out softly so my hair his hanging around my shoulders. He closes his eyes his frown visible before I lean forward brushing the curls away from his forehead he opens his green eyes and they look depressed I immediately want to get rid of it. I grab his arms turning them over “are you going to tell me what happened?”

“No.”

“No? really?”

“I want to do something so much more.” I furrow my brow which makes him smile. Not his usual smug grin but shyly as he leans in brushing his lips to mine.