Alysa’ point of view;
I walk out my house walking the long way round, knowing this will be the last time I do all of this, the pain, the suffering, it will so all be gone, vanished, I won’t have to live with any of it anymore, I’ve messed my whole life up, I’m 17 and I have too many problems to cope with, and I’m going to take the selfish way out, I’m going to leave this world, wait that’t not selfish, thats right, it’s my life, my stupid fucking life! I get to choose what I do, I live my own life, wait no I don’t they do, the voices, they control me, they’re the ones telling me to do this, Ana, she is making me beautiful, can no one see that? No they can’t because they all look through me like they always have, they won’t know if i’m gone they wont care, no one cares, I don’t care, I have nothing left anymore, heavy rain started falling from the sky I fall to the floor, I can’t walk no further I can’t I feel to weak, I feel tired, I’m confused! I don’t know what I want! Yes you do! YOU have been wanting to do this since you were little, YOU wanted to be this, who YOU are now! The voices say in my head! I stand up and throw my arms in the air, “You can’t control me!” I scream as loud as I could “Please help me!” I fall back down to the floor, I’m lost in my own mind, I don’t even know who I am anymore, I pick myself back up off the ground and run home, I run as fast as I could ignoring the voices that were telling me to do it! Telling me I was worthless! I ran through the front door to be confronted by my mum, she had tears down her face
“Alysa! We thought you were dead!” she ran over to me, hugging me tightly
“Help me!” I cry harder “They want me! They won’t go!” I pace the room “Leave me alone!” I scream!
“Alysa! Calm down!” My brother comes next to me and rubs my back, feeling my spine bones as he did,
“You can’t have me!” I scream louder to the voices!
“Chris love, ring an ambulance and tell them to hurry please!” Jack hands Chris’s phone to him that was on the table,
“No, mum you can’t otherwise they will kill me! The nurses want me dead! They keep feeding me, I can’t go there! Mum please! I thought you loved me!” I say begging on my hands and knees
“Chris” My mum looks down at me, “Hurry up and ring them please”
“Okay mum, Aly I’m so sorry!” he looks down at me aswel!
“Well they were right, they always are! These are who are my friends, they LOVE ME unlike you do! The help me! What do you do, YOU lock me up! You shut me away in some hospital! I ain’t a baby no more mum, I HATE you” I said venom in my voice “I hate all of you! You’re all the same, Fucking useless!” I scream running to the front door, Jack stands in the way of me
“No Alysa you need to calm down, please!” He holds me firm by the sholders
“I’m gonna be sick!” I run to the bathroom and throw up everywhere, my mum runs up to hold my hair and rub my back
“It’s okay baby, I’m here love, Mummys here” I sit beside the toilet my head in my hands, Mum please don’t do this, I can’t be doing with hospitals again, I can’t!” I look up at her she sat next to me and held me,
“We will just go and seem what they say!” She kisses the top of my head before looking at the door at the two paramedics they walk over to me
“Hello Alysa, I’m john and this is Henry, we’re here to check you over okay, will you tell us what the voices are telling you to do?” he got down to eye level with me
“They keep on telling me to do it, my life Isn’t perfect and that I’m just another one of them, a screw up, the one who got the problems and that I should end it all, and leave with them” I look into his eyes, Henry was sat next to me writing things down my mum, Jack and Chris were stood at the doorframe “Please don’t take me back into the hospital I can’t go back!”
“Alysa, we’re worried about you okay, Did you do anything when you ran out tonight?” he asked again
“I tried, I couldn’t do it, I fought them off, I was so close to the bridge, so close to death everything was going to be good again, everything was going to be perfect!” Tears fell down my cheeks
“okay, is your friend back?”
“What one?” I asked curiously
“Ana”
“No” I looked down at my shoes
“Alysa tell the man the truth” My mum speaks up
“She said I was fat, she could help me again! Make me pretty!”
“Okay thank you, we have to take you hospital Alysa, get changed out your wet clothes I’m sorry but it’s not healthy!” he stands up and walks over to my mum, I stand up and walk into my room I turn to see them watching me, I close the door ‘Do It Alysa everything will go away’ they said once again, I locked the door slowly so they couldn’t hear, I walked into my bathroom, I grabbed all the anti depressants I had left, there was about 16 there, along with about 8 sleeping tablets, I fill my glass up and put about 4 pills in each time until I finally took them all, I put my glass down on the side and grabbed for my razor, this will be my last cut so best make it deep, I placed it on my arm and glided it across,
“Alysa love you ready?” I heard my mum shout I put the razor down, I only did a little one, I couldn’t do it, I could feel my body finally shutting down, Finally I can be happy! It’s so painful; I thought it would be calm and nice, not horrible and painful! “Alysa!” my brother shouted to me, I walked into my bedroom to start looking at my photo wall of all my memories, I was so dizzy and that’s it, That’s when my sad depressing life came to an end! Finally! I could feel myself fall to my floor and everything black out! Goodbye world! I will not miss you one bit!
Chris PoV;
“What was that bang?” I shouted “Alysa! Open this door now or I’m going to bust it open!” I shouted, no answer yet again!
“Chris, bust the door open please, shes not mentally stable to be in there on her own! She has sharp objects and medication in there!” My mums voice slowly goes panicky , I kick the door open and there lied a lifeless body!
“Alysa!” my mum ran over to her picking her top half of her body up “Wake up love! Please” Mum had tears falling down her face,
“Ma’m can we come and check her please?” John said, I couldn’t stay I ran down the stairs and out the house, I was... Numb, I felt nothing, I ran to the end of our drive way and just broke down I fell to my knees and screamed at the top of my voice “Why? Why her? What the Fuck did she did to you! You selfish cunt!” I was talking to no one? Maybe now I’m the one thats going insane, my baby sister please don’t take her from me, the one I can’t live with out! She’s the world to me! She’s what kept me together, she helped me!
“Chris, C’mon” he walked over to me and placed his hand on my back, the ambulance guys came to get the stretcher to obviously take her body out of the house I just sat there letting the tears fall, the neighbours were all twitching behind their curtains I could see them all looking and judging thinking to themselves ‘oh what they done now?’ see we always had ambulances or something over our house, then thats when my breathe was stuck in my throat, I saw them carry her into the back of the ambulance, she looked... peaceful, finally at rest, my mum came out slowly and weakly holding Alysa’s first teddy, the one I got her when she was first born! I was excited to being a big brother, my heart just fell, mum walked over to me,
“she has a light pulse but her heart beats slow and fading, they’re rushing her to the hospital now!” My mum struggled getting her breath through the tears,
“So what we ment to do? Just hang about?” I say standing up and walking to my car, “Get in, we’re going to follow them!” I said grabbing my keys out my hoodie pocket mum got in the back and just held the teddy to her heart I drover behind the ambulance as fast as I could, we finally arrived and got shown to her room we had to wait outside whilst they connected her up to the life support machine, I was looking through the window, they were hurting her, she hated needles! I need to be with her! She needs me!
“Mum she needs me! She hates needles!” I say tears pouring out my sore puffy eyes
“Oh my boy, we have to wait! She’s in the best care here they’re doing their best my mum pulls me and Jack into a warm hug, I could hear Jack crying quietly, he’s not cried yet, he’s been strong for us!
