Just a Girl (girlxgirl) (Book 1)

Finding Middle Ground

Faith's POV

Dawn...

A cold shiver of fear runs through my body at the thought that Dawn is sitting at home hating me.

I can't stand this. Every instinctive feeling in me is telling me to go find Dawn and get her to forgive me somehow. But I know that doing that is only going to make things worse instead of better. I'm sure that Buffy is keeping a close eye on Dawn since the argument we had last night. If I went to see Dawn, I just know that Buffy and I would come to blows over my being there. And that would cause more problems then it would solve them. The last thing that I want to do is cause Dawn more problems. I've already done enough to hurt Dawn by not being honest with her about why I was spending time with her at first.

It didn't stay that way though. Buffy might've come to me and asked me to watch out for Dawn, but that's not why I kept coming back to Slash to have fun with her. I kept doing things with Dawn because she's a great person. She's such a free spirit and we have so much fun together. That's why I did things with her. That's why I fell in love with her. I need to find some time alone with her so I can tell her that. So I can let her know that no matter what the reason is that we found each other, we found each other. I have to tell her that... but I can't. Not yet. Not without hurting her.

I get up from my couch and pace back and forth.

Dawn doesn't deserve to be hurt by me or anyone else. She deserves to be loved and cherished for the beautiful person that she is. It just kills me to think that I did something to make her think that I felt otherwise. All I can do is hope that she'll give me the chance to show her that it's not like that. I loved every second that I spent with her and I don't want to lose that, or her.

Stopping in the middle of my living room, I close my eyes and take a long, deep breath.

The even bigger problem is going to be Buffy though. Even if I can somehow manage to fix things with Dawn and get back what we have, B knows about us now. She is NOT going to be happy that I'm dating her sister. Especially with the history between the two of us. That one night Buffy and I spent together, like most things in my life, has come back to bite me in the ass. And not in the fun way either. After all this time, I still regret that night. It changed things between us and things just got worse from there.

Since that night, things have been different between B and I. The friendship that we had before pretty much dried up over night and left us with nothing more than barely acknowledged co-workers. We lost that connection we had, and I didn't have much else to begin with. Knowing that makes me ashamed to think that it drove me to make some really stupid decisions that eventually left me in a coma for eight months until I woke up and wound up with 3 consecutive life sentences in prison. Thank god for Angel and the fact that he took over Wolfram and Hart after I broke out to save him. Otherwise I don't know where I'd be today. Probably dead, or worse.

That's all in the past now though. What matters is the future and what Buffy's going to do to me if I can't make things right with Dawn. Or worse, what she'll do to me if I can make things right with Dawn and we start dating again. It's kind've a lose/lose situation for B. All I can hope for is that she wants Dawn to be happy enough to let Dawn decide who makes her happy. I just hope that leaving that rose on Dawn's nightstand with a note wasn't taking things too far. It could put Buffy in more or less a stabbing mood. The last time she was in a stabbing mood, I ended up with a permanent scar along my stomach. I'm not exactly anxious for a repeat performance.

There's a knock on my front door and after waiting for another knock, I head for the door and open it. On the other side, is Buffy standing there with a not too happy look on her face.