hope in our eyes || 37th hunger games ✔️

Blame it on Me

Lily

I never realized how it felt to lose your other half. Your other self. I didn't even realise I was losing hope. I could see the fear in my eyes, as I wake up thrashing around and yelling. I look like a mad girl... a lost case. I'm not the Lily my sister Lavina said goodbye too, I'm the Lily that was brought here to kill... to murder. The thought of blood and death sends shivers through me... I promise myself I won't kill anyone... but... How am I going to return?

They took my childhood away from me. They took my freedom, all I have to do is make them pay for it. "Don't let them change me." I repeat to myself. "Be yourself." They can't expect me to be someone I'm not, I can't be the killer they want me to. No matter how many times I try, no matter how many times I fail... I won't carry the blood of others on my hands. I won't let them make me sin as I commit an ungrateful act.

I'll probably never see my family again, but those are the moments I'll cherish with me for my whole life, those are the moments that will count. These light memories will make me move on, that's what keeps me fighting every day. I fight for myself but I also fight for them just because I know that if I'm gone they'll have nothing left.

"It's not over, you know?" Sam says as he appears behind my bedroom door. "Sydney wants us to meet her in five." He adds as I flinch at his voice. He seems so nice and sweet, as if our suffering is nothing to be scared of.

"I'll go in a minute." I reply with a hoarse voice while clearing my throat. I brush my hair while I stared at my reflection on the mirror.

I can see myself. The girl has my hair, my face and my voice... but it's her eyes that make her different. So thoughtful and filled with angst and regret... it reminds me... the day my brother was killed I saw the same eyes. But they weren't mine I saw that day. They were his.

"It's not our appearance that makes us different." Sam says, still standing by the door. "You look the same to me." He adds while brushing a wave of brown hair out of his eyes.

"It's because you haven't seen me properly." I reply while staring at my reflection intensely. "You'll never understand, Sam. I'm not like you... and I'm not what Ian described to you. I'm a different person... I'm not an example to follow, if there was someone I'll look up to be, it's you."

"I have. You're strong, fearless and brave. And above all else, you're my friend." He looks at me with doubt when he mentions the word friend.

"I'll always be your friend, Sam. No matter what." I answer back softly while staring at my reflection. Now he's afraid of me. That makes me shatter... I wrap my arms around myself, holding myself tightly to steady myself. I can't hold the urge anymore. I hug him tightly as I break down and sob on his shoulder. I can see small tears forming in Sam's eyes. We both sob together, our sobs complementing each other, as we suffer for our families, our friends and for our lives.

-

"Grab it tightly by the handle." I hear Britney yell at Tovar as I approach the training room. Today is the day we'll be evaluated, and that score is going to determine if I live or die.

"Use your mouth as an anchor." I inform a little girl that is struggling with loading an arrow. I can see the Career's faces as they make fun of her lack of abilities. "Here." I say while showing her the right position and loading an arrow.

I watch her shoot, her face masked with concentration as she struggles to hold the bow correctly. She lets go of the arrow, and it flies through the air. Bull's eye. "Well done." I tell her.

"Thank you." She says while she glances at my district number in fright. A Career. I'm a Career, I'm supposed to be vicious, reckless, and powerful. I glare at my uniform in disgust, That's not what I am. And that is not what I'll ever be.

"I'm Lily, from 4. But I won't hurt you, I promise." I say softly while I watch how the small girl trembles with fear. "Please don't be afraid of me." I plead softly.

"I'm Olive." She whispers, her voice weak and barely audible. I have to approach my ear to her mouth in order to hear her.

"Its nice to meet you, Olive." I offer shyly while Tovar and the girl from 2 glared at me with disgust. She extends her hand towards me and I shake it slowly.

A small smile starts to appear on both our faces. Here were the odds, I may have made a friend, someone I'm supposed to kill but at the same time trust as I try to stay alive.

"Olive!" I hear a yell. A boy is running towards her, his eyes meet mine and he freezes as a blush tints his cheeks. I remember the girl from 12 I met yesterday... Hazel. She trails behind him alongside the girl from 8. She's made a friend.

"I'll leave now. I don't want to be a bother." I tell Olive while I start walking away. I can feel her sad eyes on me as I walk towards Sam. "You have no idea how lucky you are." I mutter to Hazel while I stare sadly at her friends. I think she hears me, as she glances at me and nods back sadly in response.

-

"I can't do it." Sam repeats for the twentieth time as we practice spear-throwing.

"You can. Just imagine Tovar is right there and that's his head." I reply back. Sam looks at me with horror and then bursts out laughing when he realizes I was joking. Our laughter is heard across the room, here were two children that were robbed from their childhood, however they were trying to live those moments and it would happen one in a lifetime.

"Time's up." The instructor yells, interrupting our laughter. "Practice time is over. The evaluation will begin in a few minutes."

I play with my hair while I wait for my turn to come. I can see Tovar and Britney laughing loudly while they watch the tributes from 6 and 10. I can see Mia and Brad holding hands while showing mutual comfort and friendship. I can hear Hazel and the girl from 8 speaking quietly and looking around. But most of all, I watch how Olive cuddles with her brother and they both speak words of reassurance.

"You ok?" Sam asks as he watches the brother and sister from 11. "You'll come back to him. Plus, Ian wouldn't want you to miss his wedding." He adds, probably to cheer me up.

"Neither did you. He wouldn't want you too miss it too." I played along while my expression remains sad. Sam's face falls and he squeezes my shoulders gently.

"Lily Summers, District 4." My name is announced on speaker. I stand up shakily.

"Show them how it's done." Sam says as he smirks at me. I smile back in response.

"You... give them hell." I replied and watch Sam's smile grow.

I approach the deserted training room, my eyes on a target. I watched the remains of what Brad did.

"Miss Summers, you have ten minutes." The head gamemaker says, making me snap my attention back to him.

I let the tears flow, this time I release my anger. Through my blurry expression, I let my emotions overcome my actions, as I drew a man's face. I notice the looks of bewilderment as I approach a target and hang my drawing against it. I position myself to through a knife, then hurl it with all the power I have left. It goes flying straight to the target and it pierces exactly where I wanted it. Bull's eye.

I watch the gamemakers with an expression of defiance as they realize what I did.

I had stabbed a knife into President Snow's eye.