hope in our eyes || 37th hunger games ✔️

I Won't Let You

Aspen

We all sit on logs around a small fire silently. We're all kind of in shock from our first day in the arena.

"Aspen?" Olive says suddenly from beside me. Eisley looks up at us from nearby.

"Yeah?" I say dryly, still numb from the bloodbath. Olive takes a while to answer.

"Aspen, I'm scared."

"Don't be... you'll, you'll be fine, Ol. I'll get you home to Violet and Cedar and mom and... and dad."

"Asp, I don't wanna go home if you aren't with me. That's not why I'm scared. I'm just scared that... for you."

"For me?" I ask. She's scared for me? I've spent every waking hour being terrified for her.

"Yes. What if you... what if we... remember Ana?" She asked. I could see the others were all listening in, desperate for something to take their minds off the blood and gore we'd underwent already.

"Yes." I say. Because I do remember her. The oldest of nine. Died in the Games. Her family suffered. I never knew her very well but I'd seen her at school and around town sometimes. I remember a time just a few weeks before her Games when we were at school. We caught each other's gaze and she smiled. I didn't have enough time to smile back. I wish I had though. I feel like I owed it to her. I never interacted with her again. And I never told anyone, not even Violet. "Yeah, I do."

"And remember Elliot? Her brother?" Olive asks. Her brother. Yes. He was in Olive's grade. I nod. "He never talked after I that. Even when they teachers called on him. I once tried to talk to him 'cause I felt bad but... nothing... that's why I don't like the Avoxes. They remind me of him."

I'm at a loss for words. It's strange, really, how even someone you've never talked to leaves such an impact on you. I guess we didn't realize how much we cared about them until they were gone.

"He used to tell the class... he told us stories. He was really good at it. And now-" Olive stops talking and I look over at her and realize she's crying. It starts off slow, then turns to heavy sobs. I glance around the group. A single tear leaks from her left eye. Eisley sniffles. I look down and try to steady my breathing.

"It's okay." I say to Olive, but direct it at everyone.

"I don't wanna end up like him!" She exclaims. "I-I don't want to lose you, Aspen! So don't try... don't try and save me 'cause I won't let you leave me behind."

The silence is almost unbearable. I try to swallow the lump in my throat. After a long, long time I speak. I look from Eisley, to Hazel, to Mackenzie, and back to Olive. I take a deep breath.

"I won't."

-

I jump when the anthem starts to play, so used to stunned silence I hadn't imagined such a noise could even be made.

I try to focus on the faces in the sky, but I can't make any sense of them. I think it's because there's this tugging in the back of my mind; an image of Olive's face up there amongst he others.

I hear Eisley gasp and look up to see Eoin's face just disappearing, replaced by some other tribute I never knew.

I feel awful about Eoin, and kind of blame myself for his death. I'll have to talk to Eisley about it later.

After the faces have been flicked through, the sky goes dark with one last musical flourish. I look around. Everyone is silent for several minutes. I see Eisley shudder. A tear runs down Mackenzie's face, paler than usual and stricken with emotion.

All of a sudden, a cannon sounds. We jolt up, weapons bared, searching for any sign of danger. But there's no there noise, so it must be far away. We must be safe for now.

"We won't know who it was 'til tomorrow." Olive points out. Still, no one moves.

"She's right," Mackenzie says squeakily. "We'd be better off trying to get some sleep."

We finally relax-to some extent- and I lay back down, clutching Olive, both to comfort her and me. I don't sleep at all the whole night.

-

I look over and notice Eisley looking at me sadly. I stare back at her in the misty gray predawn light.

"You okay?" I mouth.

She just shakes her head. I pull away from Olive and sit up tenderly. I motion for her to follow me, then start walking through the trees. I notice the temperature dropping rapidly and furrow my brow.

"Hey." Eisley says as she approaches. I turn to look at her. The early morning fog makes her flaming hair look dull and watered down to a light auburn.

"I'm so sorry." I say. "I wish I could've done something to save him."

"You couldn't have. There was no way." Eisley responds.

"But- I just feel like I let you down- both of you. I blame myself for-"

"Don't do that!" Eisley yells in a sudden burst of energy. She rushes towards me. "Don't say that. You can't say that. You... you don't have the right to say that. You didn't know him! I did! If anyone should take the blame it should be me! He was my brother! I WAS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HIM!" Eisley is shaking now. And she's yelling so loud I'm afraid the Careers will hear us and attack. I was stupid not to bring a weapon. I push the thought away and do the first thing that comes to mind. I embrace Eisley. I hold her close and let her body heat warm me. She shivers from the intense cold and shudders from crying. I notice flecks of snow resting in her hair. The flakes nip at my nose and stick to my eyelashes. I've never experienced anything like it.

"I'm sorry I kissed you," Eisley says, pulling away and breaking the silence, suddenly calm. I can still make out the stains her tears left down her cheeks though. "The other night. On the roof. I shouldn't have done it. It just made things more complicated, I... I panicked. And besides it was weird, like kissing my brother," She laughs lightly, and I do too, before we remember that her brother is dead. She frowns.  "You remind me of him. He always protected me, like you do with Olive."

I can't think of anything to say so I just mutter, "Oh."

"Should we head back?" She asks.

"Sure." I say.

We walk back to our camp and see that Hazel is awake.

"Hey." She says.

"Hey."

We wake up Mackenzie and Olive, then we all eat what's left of the stag Hazel killed and come up with a plan for today.

"There's a place not far from here, Eisley and I found it, it's all snowy-" I pause as something dawns on me. "Maybe that's what the jackets are for," Eisley nods. "Anyway, it's pretty cold, but the jackets should suffice, and I think I saw at least two rabbits and some sort of berries."

So we all agree to head for the snowy place. We cover up the fire as best we can, gather the supplies we managed to snag at the cornucopia, and set off at a steady jog.