dysphoria

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12:59 pm, Wednesday, 7th June
And you were like raw honey –
maple coloured skin, brown eyes that showcased your emotions
and brown curls that reflected the rays of the bright sun.
You reminded me of the sunlight that filtered from between
leaves and reflected articulately crafted shadows onto walls of stone.

We were like two roses, sprouting in different areas of a large garden,
yet connected faintly by roots that betrayed what society wanted us to be –
we were different, yet we completed each other.
We grew slowly, our roots becoming intertwined over a span of weeks
as we formed a friendship that meant a lot to us both.

And on the rainy days, wherein the clouds would hover above us,
threatening to pull our petals away and string us to our core,
we both stood strong, our roots grasping onto a trust that we had
created between us and found to be our saviour.

Your petals were a shade of ivory, whereas mine were that of crimson,
but on the inside, we both contained the same channels that kept us alive.
We had the same leaves and the same thorns and the same roots –
we were of one type.

The good days were tainted with rainfall that puddled around our stems,
threatening to unearth the friendship that had blossomed between us.
Nevertheless we continued, our branches swaying in the furious winds
fueled by secrets of pasts that we both held upon our skin.

You continued to stay strong, resisting the harsh pulls of the wind,
until one day all your petals fell away at once, decorating the floor
in an ivory that later turned to a honey colour as it wilted in the
rays of the strong sun.
But it was spring, what happened?

My roots slowly lost contact with your dying ones
and you were no more – I had lost you in the span of a day.
It was like one minute you were there and in the next you weren't.
Your presence was replaced with shadows and my happiness was replaced
in a shattering feeling of despair and sadness,
because I'd never know what caused you to wilt away.

Did you lose your fight to the rainstorms?
perhaps what broke me the most was that I wasn't able to prevent it
because you always told me everything was okay.
Is it my mistake that I believed you?
I felt the longing and the heartache slash my petals and cause
some of them to fall away onto the ground.
I found myself dwelling in the shadow you left behind,
and the memories that still painted my mind in an array of fresh,
bright hues.
I attempted to fill the deep void within me in loving memories of you
and all the words you had said, and the way your roots felt supporting mine.

I miss you dearly, so much so, that I'm drowning in my own puddles,
wishing someone was here to save me.
Is that how you felt on your last days?
I guess I'll never know.