serendipity

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Heaving a sigh, I closed the money drawer. The customers today seemed to all be on pms. Each and everyone of them came in with an attitude and didnt even bother to act like a nice respectable person. I love this job, don't get me wrong. It's just all the customers who make you want to just throw their jelly filled fat doughnuts right in their face.

I took off my black hip apron and clocked out. As I walked to the back of the store, I see one of my co-workers talking quietly to the boss. It seemed secretive considering they kept looking at me like I was intruding. I used the sink beside the door to wash my hands, giving in on the chance to eavesdrop. They shut the door when the water started to run, of course.

I finished washing my hands and grabbed my bag from the back. The air outside was thick, and rather hot for a day in Maine. I didnt mind though, I loved it. The smell off freah cut grass lingered in the air.

Summer was my favorite time of year. Why? It's so sunny. You never walk outside and see a slumbag in sweats, walking around gloomily. You always see happy people out with their friends, laughing and enjoying the bit of time they had off from school.

Too bad it's practically over. Only two weeks until college starts again and I'm back to the cold, old, musky dorm.

As I drove down the road, I realized just how cute this college campus really was. I'd only been here a year, just enough to get in touch the my class room buildings, but only being on the job for a week has really opened my eyes to all the shops and stores around town.

This is honestly almost everything I'd dreamt of. Going to college, learning about the thing you love, which for me is Physcology, and the only thing I'm lacking is being in love with the person of my dreams.

I cant just wait around though. You know, just thinking about being alone forever.. it hurts. But it's something you can cope with. You can live like that, although you may not want to. If it's supposed to happen it will, right?

Thats just what I keep reminding myself. If it supposed to happen, it will. Im just not going to seek it out. Im just trying to lay back. Just hang out and have fun in the last few weeks I have.

• • •

Spending time with my family only made it worse. Going back to college was something I'd rather not do. I love being with my family, playing outside with my little sister and letting her do my makeup.

I cant lie, I will miss it.

Going to sleep in the bed next to her, reading her a story, having little kid fun. It makes me sad. I wont ever feel this way until I have my own child, or when I visit during the holidays. I dont like missing all the time between the small breaks, without them all.

As I lay down in my bed beside her, I listen to music. I had it down low just in case Cassie wanted anything. She never did, I just felt safer knowing she was okay.

My family had never let me down, they always listened to me and accepted my ideas. I guess thats what you expect out of a family, but sometimes I want them to think I'm crazy. I feel like a duplicate of my parents, but I want to be different.

I dont know, I guess I just miss being a kid and waking up, not having to worry about a thing in the world. Im an adult now, I have to live with it. Its not that I dont mind, either. I just wish I would have taken my kid years slower. Not trying to rush into being 16 and having fun with my friends.

Kids take a lot of things for granted.

That morning is when I realized just how true those words are. Cassie got up exactly at eight in the morning, coming over to my bed and placing our pet cat Tom right on my face. Not to mention, butt first.