The Daily Journals

Part 6.

I'm gonna give you guys a chance to skip this one. This one is really depressing. The author has given me permission to post this but I will warn you if you are depressed, never ever give up. If you read later on, she gains more confidence.

But I highly encourage that you either skip this one or you try to at least be open minded.

Daily kayla entry #6

5/7/17
9:20 pm

Currently having a breakdown. And its bad. Heck I've thought so much within this idk like 20 minutes. I feel trapped. I don't know where i want to go or what but im trapped. Im stuck. Im just going in circles and trying not to hurt myself and trying to keep living and trying not to be a screw up. Today i was told by my father that he wishes i wasn't here and i wasn't part of this family. Well guess what? So do i. Not the right thing to say to someone who's been trying not to let things get to her these past few days.
I didn't want to write these because i feel like they make me seem worse. It looks like im trying to get attention when honestly I'm just trying to explain how i feel in the only way i know how because i physically cannot get my mouth to speak. I've been having breakdowns a lot lately and i hate blaming it on depression. Im like a little kid now. I just cant handle anything. I dont want to be anywhere. I just want to sleep. But i have nightmare.. i want to explain but i feel like a burden. I want to leave somewhere but i dont know where.. i just want to freaking die. I cant do anything right, my house isnt home, i feel like a burden, i cant keep track of anything, and sometimes i just want to let everything go. If i could just disappear and everyone forgot me and it was painless, I'd take it. I would gladly do that. Because so far i just can't handle everything anymore. There is no way for me to have a perfect day. Its all just a pile of crap. And im done.