Friends with Benefits

PT

It had been weeks since we talked. Bigla na lang siyang hindi nagpakita, I don't know what happen at bigla nalang siyang nawala sa ere after that night that we made love. Nagising na lang ako isang umaga na wala na siya sa tabi ko. I couldn't blamed him kung iniiwasan niya na talaga ako since it is also my fault coz I let myself to do that thing kahit alam kong bawal.

I wanted to message him just to asked him if he's okay but I couldn't find enough courage para magtext sa kanya. Pero natatakot ako, natatakot ako na isipin niya na nagde-demand ako sa kanya ng panahon since bestfriend niya lang ako. 'Kung magkaibigan pa nga ang matatawag sa amin'. I don't want him also to think na super inlove ako sa kanya. 'Kahit totoo naman'

So instead of thinking of him, I tried to do something productive just to forget him for awhile. Ilang araw na akong napupuyat kakaisip sa kanya. I tried to read some book but it seemed like the only thing I could really get myself is to see him.

Sometimes, it felt like the universe conspired just to make me this miserable. I missed him ... I really....really missed him. But everything around me was making it harder-impossible, even to move an inch away from him. Everything in my life just reminded me of just everything.

So after pretending that I could actually do something productive, I decided it was hightime for me to just go out. Palagi na rin naman sinasabi ng mga katrabaho ko na mag-enjoy naman ako kahit minsan. They always remind me to cherish little things.

I barerly lasted an hour at the mall, Hindi lang yata talaga ako mahilig doon, I really didn't enjoy buying things if they were for me. I enjoyed buying things for my family or to other people whom I care about but that's it. Kumain lang ako sa resto at dumaan sa National Bookstore to buy something but even that wasn't enough to make me stay. Hindi naman ako sanay na walang kasama, nasanay na kasi akong siya lagi ang kasama ko.

And then he was gone.

NUNG NAPAGOD NA ako sa mall, lumabas lang ako, naglakad-lakad lang ako sa paligid. Habang naglalakad ako, napadaan ako sa playground. There were plenty of kids playing. Napangiti na lang ako. They looked like they were having tons of fun. Nakaka-miss maging bata.

Tapos habang nanonood ako sa kanilang maglaro, may dumaan naman sa harap ko na buntis na babae. Napa-buntong hininga ako,

"What if I get Pregnant?" I mean...

Ayoko naman na mabuntis talaga kung hindi niya gusto. Alam ko naman na hindi niya ako mahal, na wala siyang ni katiting na pagtingin sa akin. Kaya magiging unfair sa kanya kung nabuntis niya nga ako. At saka mababago iyong buhay niya. Masisira ko pa ang relasyon niya sa girlfriend niya.

Malala na talaga ako. Kung anu-ano na ang naiisip ko.

Pero dahil sa pag-iisip ko ng mga pwedeng mangyari kung mabuntis man ako ni Rolf, hindi ko napansin na nakarating na pala ako sa isang Clinic.

I sighed "Why was I even considering this?"

Pumasok ako sa loob ng clinic. My face was probably red from embarrassment but I just told myself that I didn't know the nurse....At saka siguro naman sanay na sila sa mga ganito.

This was nothing new to them.

"Yes?" sabi nung nurse sa akin.

Huminga ako ng malalim. At saka isa pa. At isa pa. Kakailanganin ko talaga ng maraming lakas ng loob para magawa itong gusto kong gawin.

"Uhm..."I trailed off.

But the way the nurse looked made me a bit comfortable. She was smiling. She probably had an inkling that what I was about to say would make me uncomfortable.

"Pregnancy Test"

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