wack poetry

Slam Poem

It's like having a tight leash wrapped around my neck, not allowing me to breathe,
Or carrying a heavy luggage everywhere with me
And although I keep thinking I left it behind,
it somehow finds a way to crawl back into my mind
It makes me overthink things, like is this any good? It seems alright. Oh my god this is bad, it doesn't make sense. What am I doing?
I can't I can't I can't I can't
I need to stop but I can't,
It seems like it's driving me insane
toward the point that the only form to feel anything is to cause me pain
Yes it does hurt, and no I don't want it, but it seems like everyone else does, cause they think it's cool.
but they don't want the emptiness and crowdedness of it, cause then you're seen like a fool
Cause how can you feel both when they're complete opposites, but I promise I didn't chose this.
There's arguements going on in my head like I want to do this but I can't, but what happens if I don't. I don't even care anymore. What if it affects your life? No it won't just leave it. No no you have to do it! But it doesn't matter!
hey guys can I get a say in
No!
it like devil and demons are arguing back and fort and there's nothing I can do but watch
But the lady behind the desk says, the little pills will make me forget about them, but there they go again.
What if you get addicted? Just don't take me it doesn't matter. What if their a waste of money? Do you really need to go through all this trouble?
and I always tell her no it's okay, there has to be another form, cause they always seem to win in any battle.
hey you wanna hang out! Yeah sure! Cool meet me at seven!
You think they really wanna hang out with you? They'll just flake. Maybe you're the last person they thought of to hang out with. Why would they wanna hang with you?
and by the time I get home it's two hours till seven, I send them a text saying sorry I can't something popped up.
And trust me I don't mean to flake, but I can't control this.
Cause whenever I step out its like I'm drowning and can't seem to breathe, going up I front of everyone causes me to see black with white spots, my voice start to shake along with my hands and my knees, it always seems like I'm out of breathe and my heart starts to race.
but sometimes there's little moments where I can order my own food, go in a line by myself, and have a conversation without messing up, and that give me a little hope, it might be a drop but it's enough.

-oyervidez