Inception

Chapter 3

The day was muggy, the sky a sad grey, dark clouds creating a blanket in the sky. I didn’t exactly help the mood, no, but it showed that I probably wasn’t the only one feeling this way. The sky was nearly black, thunder clapping in the far distance. I had been walking for the past hour, seeming like a stray dog, wandering.

         The Trials were only two weeks away, the Choosing Ceremony was in three days, the day of my birthday. I had more things on my mind than I could handle, the agonizing pain of losing the majority of your family has created a burden, creating a battle between myself (if that makes any sense, anyway continuing). I had gone from a nobody to an outsider within a matter of hours and in this world, outsider was a pressing accusation.

         I was in a labyrinth of suffering, the winding tunnels seeming to narrow as I continued. And every time I came to a standstill, something terrible happened. When I came back, I was knocked down farther and farther. Sooner enough I’ll have to learn that the only way out of a labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.

         I had eyes on me everywhere I went. Instead of a victim of peril, I felt like a criminal. I was feeling too much and it was wrong, dangerous. I was risking everything if I showed how destroyed I was feeling. It’s hard to explain, my thoughts blocked like a wall separating sanity from madness (as you can see this girl may be relatable to the insane writer).

         I felt like I was being watched (I was feeling everything to be honest).  A sudden uneasiness rose within me, I was on edge and waiting for the final push. I had been on the mountains, the highest of highs, the memories faded, lost. But the cliffs were my lows; I was falling. And I was falling fast.

         I heard my name, possibly the voices in my head or the people whom I chose to ignore, the ones I push away. I needed someone but couldn’t come to matters with it. I couldn’t talk to Elian, I felt like I’ve hurt him far too much. Sure, I love him, but this was something more than us. This was something that would have to make me choose between him and the truth, and in this situation, the truth is a goddamn terrible thing. But I couldn’t lose Elian. I loved him too much.

         The rain started to fall, reminding me of tears. It was odd, the way I saw the world, how everything was connected. But that’s how I saw it, a chain. Like life and death for example. It was rather depressing how I thought like this, how I wasn’t afraid of dying. But people who were afraid, they don’t know a single thing about life.

         I guess my thoughts can be connected to everyone dying on me but it’s the way we apprehend it. You can love someone, it’s easy, but you can’t love them nearly as much as you’ll miss them. It’s just that simple. Maybe that’s what I was experiencing now, the missing.

         My hair was drenched, droplets of water dripping off the ends. The ratty-old t-shirt clung to my skin make it ice cold. It was still raining, bystanders running for cover, shading their heads with jackets. I kept walking, straight down the middle, without a care in the world. The rain was cool on my face, refreshing. But it suddenly came to a stop, I was shielded by an umbrella. I look over to see Elian, just as drenched as I was, the water creating a constellation upon his eyelashes.

         “What are you doing here?” I mutter, keeping my eyes locked on the statue of the president, a rusted bronze that has become the breeding place for chewing gum and love notes.

         “I was worried about you okay?” he states, walking twice as fast to keep my pace. He was frustrated with me, his tone said it all. I knew why, it’s easy to read Elian: he thought I was avoiding him.

         “But why did you come here?” I ask, stopping, looking at him. I wanted him to be safe, but I had the wrong ways of telling it. I was slipping, this time Elian wasn’t able to keep me from falling over the edge.

         “I knew you were here,” he says. I was confused, was he really watching me? Did Elian trust me? Or did he need to babysit me to make sure I didn’t do anything illegal?

         We had walked into an alley, the walls had elongating rust stains, brown streaks from top to bottom. Stores had letters missing, broken glass glistening in the sunlight, creating a spectrum of colors.

         My eyes waver from Elian to the glass. My choice after all. “You followed me,” I say monotously. “You were the one watching me.” Elian nods his head, almost ashamed of what he did. Now I was hurt that he couldn’t trust me. And I wanted him to know he did just that. “You don’t trust me, Elian.”

         That’s all that I needed to say. Something was different about him, I could sense it. Maybe the Elian I first fell in love with walked out on me too. “It’s not that,” he says.

         “Then what is it?” I snapped. I was angry now, he sensed that. I cross my arms, kicking at the ground but I already knew what I was going to do. It was idiotic but it was a way out. And it was a selfish way.

         He didn’t answer me and there it was: the final push. I dove to the ground, grabbing a piece of glass and slicing deep into my right wrist, watching the blood pool from my arm. The pain was pretty tolerable, the adrenaline like a drug, numbing the pain. The corners of my vision darkened until the field of view turned to darkness.