Across The Pond

Wanted; Room-mate To Share Home.

"Wanted, room-mate to rent a room,

One who avoids giving me a sense of doom.

Must be willing to be sterilized upon entering,

or returning from the bathroom; must consent to monitoring,

without advance knowledge, so I can verify compliance.

Must high-pressure wash hands before using any kitchen appliance.

Must use my 'Lye-Guard' soap several times a day,

and comply with whatever additional steps I say,

deem necessary--must be non-smoker, must not stay up past

11. pm--must have a single sister or cousin, as

for some reason, I have trouble getting a date.

Well, I guess that's it, all my conditions--oh, wait,

I'd prefer someone as anally-clenched as me!"

Please reply by the fifteenth, preferably.

In answer to your advert, I think that I might do,

but I have some rules of my own that would apply to you.

I think we should wear hygiene suits, those that are colored white,

and for the sake of modesty they should not be too tight.

And those little paper face masks, that prevent those bugs,

don't you think we should wear them, and certainly no hugs.

I was thinking of a special shower that would also help a lot,

one that decontaminates any germs you've got.

I think that's all, but hang on, I've just thought of one thing more;

no shoes on while we are inside, a foot-bath by the door.

And yes, I have a sister but I'd advise you not to flirt,

she is not one for being clean for she prefers the dirt!

written by Mike Stevens and Hullabaloo22