Swasan SS - Elixir

Chapter 5

Poison
‘Remind me our deal Miss Bose,’ said Durga Prasad’s voice as she answered the call.
Swara had came home early that day since the Maheshwari meeting was off her schedule. She had slept a good few hours, resting her twisted ankle and throbbing feet when that call had woke her up. It was night fall already.
She said nothing for a moment.
‘Miss Bose?’
‘Ah…I should follow Mr. Maheshwari everywhere he goes.’ She said rubbing her forehead. She knew exactly where this conversation was leading. He might have noticed she did not attend the conference.
‘Can you tell me where he is now?’
‘Umm,’ said Swara.
‘You don’t know, do you?’
‘I don’t know sir,’ she admitted gradually. Even though she felt it was off her deal, she felt bitter to admit it.
‘Are you still listening to me Miss Bose? You’re supposed to keep him off trouble right? And you are telling me you have no idea where he is. Is this what I pay you for Miss Bose?’
Swara stood up, giving her bed one forlorn look, she shook her head.
‘I’ll find him sir.’
‘Yes, find him right now!’
The call disconnected and Swara rolled her eyes. Sanskar Maheshwari was no child. Why should she follow him everywhere as if worrying he might get kidnapped? She checked the time. It was nine thirty. Where the hell would he be, at nine thirty?
*
Poison
‘Your curse Lucky, is that you’re my brother,’ Adarsh clapped his shoulder. ‘Sanskar would never let you stay happy. He has taken an oath on that!’
‘But why Bhai? I mean I’m sure he’d refuse to marry Ragz,’ said Lakshya.
Adarsh raised his eyebrows.
‘You want him to refuse?’ He asked then and Lakshya nodded. ‘Then never let him find out you like her. If you do, he would not rest until he is married to that girl.’
Lakshya watched him moodily.
‘What should I do?’
‘You’re asking me?’
‘Well, Bhai, you’re the only one who ever succeeded in snatching something from him. Tell me what should I do?’
‘Find someone else.’ Adarsh said shortly.
‘What? No; no bhai. I can’t forget her I mean…’
‘Fool! I didn’t mean forget her. I meant make sure Sanskar thinks you’re in love with someone else. I’m sure he would do everything in his power to separate you two. That will be your chance to grab Ragini off his hold.’
There was a pause as Lakshya processed this. He knew Sanskar hated them both. After all it was justified with everything they had done. But, Ragini was another matter. If it was the only way of attaining his love, he’d do it. No questions asked!
Adarsh watched him as the conclusion etched through his almost transparent mind. Sanskar, he loathed the mere name. No matter how many times he broke this man he always pulls himself together. Now it was enough lying around. This time he would explode him in to nothingness with a plan he would not comprehend until the very end. Lakshya would play a major part there.
Sometimes, he thought to himself. Sometimes it was wise to stop expecting an attack and retaliating, because that very attitude can cause you a lot of damage.
*
Poison
The sky always watches over the earth below. People walking towards their goals, people breaking apart, people fighting with and for each other, people in love and people in rage captures its vision. Even though the sky is a complete outsider to all the happenings it witness, it does not make it any less affected. Sometimes even the sky finds it hard to take any more. Sometimes, even the sky cries.
He knew this was the last thing he should be doing at the moment. Sanskar loathed liquor. Yet he just wanted something that would push back the resurfacing memories, something that would dull his senses to an extent where the pain no longer mattered, this was his only choice. To keep his sanity from being lost forever he would have to be insane for a moment.
His inner self mocked that logic. Adarsh would celebrate if he could see him right now. How broken, unwanted, empty and useless he was. Just like his brother. Just like Adarsh wanted to see him, shattered in to uncountable number of pieces.
But he had fought it for so long, masked his hurt in front of everyone. When he was alone, this poison would consume him. He had learned that, sometimes only poison can outsmart poison. For a human it was less painful to be a demon, you just have to suffocate your heart and squeeze away any emotions that gasps for breath. Then the pain dulls, the hatred burns fueling you to go on breathing, hurting and hating everything that cross your path.
But it is hard to be an angel. For that you have to suffocate your soul, let go of self-interest. Wait for another to crush your heart, still keep bleeding as they laugh at your innocence; love, and love even your enemies until they are compelled to love you back. He would never be an angle, for he could simply bleed no more.
He was a demon and demons were condemned to drink poison. Elixir was always out of their reach. Poison, he must contend himself with.
Someone pushed away his glass.
‘Enough,’ said a firm little voice.
Smirking slightly at the nerve of whomever he looked up, to find his blurred glaze upon his extraordinary personal assistant, frowning at him. He raised his eyebrows slightly. He should have known, nobody else would be that suicidal. Exactly where were this girl’s brains celebrating their holidays?
‘Leave!’ He said, amused to find how steady his voice sounded. He could hardly think straight, but he sounded a lot more sober.
She snatched the bottle of his grasp this time. It vanished from his view.
‘Go home Mr. Maheshwari. Everyone’s worried for you.’
‘They’re not!’
‘Would you think I’d come looking for you this late night for fun huh? I told you earlier, I hate babies who never grow up!’
He stood up slightly dizzy, holding the edge of his chair for support.
‘You know nothing about them Miss Bose. They’d love if I vanish in to non-being.’
‘Unlike you,’ said Swara who was watching him with disgust now. ‘They have other tasks too sir, than hating everybody they set their eyes upon.’
‘Why do you love them so much?’ He snapped. ‘Ah yes, they pay you. I forgot. Money could even make parrots talk sweetly!’
Swara closed and reopened her eyes counting backwards from ten to one. He was drunk, she was not. There was no point in getting angry with someone who was not in their senses.
‘Genuine feelings can’t be bought Mr. Maheshwari.’ she said in the end. He grinned at her.
‘There’s no such thing as genuine feelings Miss Bose. Grow up; come out of your Dida’s fairy tales.’
‘How dare you?’
He looked in to her eyes, coming closer than before. She stumbled a step backwards. He gripped her shoulder to make her stop and glared at her. She could almost smell his alcoholic breath. Swara wrinkled her nose.
‘Have you ever loved anyone?’ He barked at her. She shook her head unable to tear her gaze away. ‘Then how dare you speak of things you don’t know? Love, is wretched! It can destroy a man faster than death!’
His eyes burned with flames of pain, he had never revealed to anyone.
‘Take my word Miss Bose. Never ever love. You can rather stab your heart with a dagger. It would pain less.’
*
Elixir
She didn’t remember those words of his, if she had, she would have agreed whole heartedly now. Love was far too sharp and excruciating than a knife cutting open your heart. Knowing that you have already granted someone that pain was far, far more agonizing…
The sound of the door shutting behind her jerked her back to reality.
‘Swara,’ Begun Sanskar, she moved away from his outstretched hand that wanted to touch her.
‘What did I do?’ She said almost choking on her words. She did not wipe away the tears that flow washing off her kohl and smudging Ragini’s handy work. Her lips trembled. Sanskar opened his mouth. ‘No, don’t lie. I…I remembered you saying I’ve crushed your heart, what did I do?’
‘I wasn’t talking to you. You haven’t recalled it properly,’ Sanskar waved his hands helplessly. ‘You did nothing Swara.’
‘How can you lie so smoothly?’ She asked backing away from his soothing presence. ‘When I recalled that candle lit scene, you said it might have been a dream. You don’t take me to your house because you can’t tolerate me around there and then you say, you want someone to look after me! I mean why? Why do you care so much? Can’t you be honest just this once? Please, please tell me what did I do?’
As she talked involuntarily her fingers rubbed against her temples. Her nerves were on fire and each word echoed inside her mind. The pain reduced her voice to almost a whisper.
‘It hurts! Trying to remember hurts. Tell me, please what did I do?’
Sanskar gripped her shoulders and steadied her, glaring in to her eyes.
‘Nothing, get it? Nothing!’
‘Was I a traitor?’ She said slowly, uttering the venomous words against her will and watching the cuts they made against his soul. ‘Was I unfaithful?’
Sanskar pushed her against the wall; she could see the veins throbbing against his neck and temples. He was losing his control, his eyes burned in to her stare.
‘Shut up!’ He said loudly and then exhaled deeply. She watched him battle with his own emotions.
‘It’s not easy to kill love. I might have poisoned you so deeply that you said all those things.’
‘Have it ever occurred to you Swara, that I might have been wrong?’ Sanskar asked slowly. ‘That perhaps I might not deserve the love I tried to gain?’
She blinked at him, her grip on her shoulders slid to her arms, still keeping her pressed against the wall in that iron tight hold, he studied her expression.
‘Perhaps my love was not strong enough?’
Swara raised her own arms, and covered his hands with her palms, still holding his gaze.
‘No. Not even once’
‘Why?’ He sounded genuinely surprised now.
There it was, that alluring expression was back in his eyes. They were like the surface of some glossy pond, filled with clear water that she could gaze deep in to his soul, so pure, so transparent and ever so inviting. Swara raised her palm to his cheek and rested her fingers there. Her smooth finger tips ecstatic against his rough skin.
‘Your eyes,’ she whispered. ‘They talk.’
His eyes widened. She was not sure because of her words or her touch, but they glittered as a bottomless pool of dreams would, in the soft moonlight.
‘What do they say?’ He inquired pleasantly.
‘Trust me,’ she muttered. He leaned in and their noses touched, she could see nothing other than his scintillating eyes, inviting her to fall in to their bottomless depths, engulf herself in their warmth.
‘And I can’t help but do as they say. They reflect me better than any mirror ever had, that I almost believe I am the most beautiful you’ve ever set your eyes upon. They tell me so. That I matter more than anything else… But they don’t go beyond that. Because they are in pain… I pained them, they are afraid of me, of wounds I have given.’
‘You read well,’ he said softly. ‘But do you know what you missed?’
‘What?’
‘They would never part with that image of yours. The image they have captured. Another would never have that reflection in their eyes. It belongs to them and it always will.’
She closed her eyes letting the last of the tears drain away, his warm thumbs brushed them off her icy cheeks and his lips touched her forehead momentarily.
It was a feather light touch, almost a solidified dream. She would have credited her imagination had it not been for his next words.
‘You were always mine, remember that, and remember well.’
*