Swasan SS - Elixir

Chapter 6

When you dream you know the chances of them becoming your reality is closer to none. But when you hope, you make sure they are your reality. Dreams are elixir, they soothe you after a tired day, relax your heavy conscious, and unburden your mind as you sleep on. Hopes are poison, they hurt you with insecurities, tighten your conscious with continuous plotting and burden your mind with the reminiscences of your actions, they keep you awake when the world is sleep peacefully.
Ragini wandered through the dark hall ways of the Maheshwari mansion. She could not sleep that day, not after witnessing the events of the evening. She had seen the way Lakshya, acting upon the information she supplied him had confronted Swara. What she wanted was for him to break her trust on Sanskar. It had hugely backfired on her. She winced remembering the pained look on Lakshya’s face as Swara hugged Sanskar, the way she held on to him as if he was the only reality in her slowly fading dream of a life. He led her away, with a mincing look at Lakshya and Ragini watched from the side lines.
She knew better than to oppose Sanskar, when he had his love in his arms. She would rather take a hungry and wounded tiger and survive. Then again, Lakshya never knew his cousin as well as she did. He should have, it would be better for him.
That look of Sanskar stirred an unknown fear in her. Had he found out? He already knew she was trying to kill him, had he found out why too? And Swara? What if after these ridiculous stunts she recalls their last discussion? What would she do then?
‘You promised me Bhai!’ A voice said ahead of her. Moving with the reflex that flung through her Ragini shielded herself with shadows and listened as Lakshya and Sanskar’s figures emerged from darkness. They were walking towards the study.
‘You held an end to that bargain as well Lucky,’ Sanskar said calmly. ‘Which you so conveniently forgot this evening!’
‘But… You know she loves me!’
Sanskar stopped and turned to eye his eager brother with raised eyebrows.
‘Are you sure?’
‘What kind of a question is that bhai? You know she loves me! She just doesn’t remember that’s all!’
‘Exactly,’ said Sanskar. ‘Don’t you think maybe she’d want to start everything over?’
‘You can’t!’
‘What? What exactly can’t I do?’
‘You can’t love her for that you’d have to forgive her first. it’s not that easy!’
Sanskar grinned slightly.
‘I was waiting for you to play that card,’ he said in a mildly amused tone. ‘How stupid to you think I am? No really, tell me. Do you think in two months, I can’t find out who leaked my secrets and framed my wife for the entire swindle?’
Even in the dim light Ragini could see Lakshya had visibly paled. He gulped as he watched his cousin, who was openly laughing at him now.
‘I must admit, you had me fooled. It was you all along; you playing both of us and for a moment I thought…I really thought you’d keep her happy.’
Ragini closed her eyes.
He knows! She thought for herself. This was the end. He knows everything.
‘You can’t separate us! We were supposed to get married!’
‘We are married,’ Sanskar pointed out calmly. ‘And we are leaving tomorrow. Stop us if you can.’
He had openly challenged them for a battle, which Ragini knew was going to end with her losing everything. At the moment, all she cared for was keeping her roots firm and facing the coming storm. Sanskar still had to guard Swara, who was oblivious to the storms circling them and Ragini would guard Lakshya who was oblivious of the tides turning. The answer lied in their past still.
It was the eve of war, the last night all the warriors would breath the same air, in that breeze was the hints of the coming storm. Silently Ragini went back to her room, mentally she went back to her memories reliving the moments when everything had started to fall apart.
It is said, that a war begins a long before the conchs are sounded and it is fought in the field of mind. By her experience Ragini knew that was true.
*
A younger Ragini, who could be no more than six years of age, was crying, crawled against her wardrobe and her arms wrapped around her knees. She looked up from her sobs only when her Dadi entered, carrying her dinner.
‘I won’t eat!’ She said stubbornly and hid her face once more, sobbing.
‘Laado, Baba’s worried for you!’ Dadi brushed the top of her hair with her hand and knelt beside her.
‘I want Ma!’
‘How can I bring her back dear, she’s-‘
‘No, don’t say it!’ Ragini chocked. ‘She can’t die!’
‘But dear…’
‘She left!’ Ragini snapped. ‘She left because of that girl!’
‘She’s your sister.’
‘She’s no sister of mine! I lost my mother because of her!’
‘Laado,’
‘Do you love me Dadi ma?’ Ragini asked looking up at the old woman’s eyes.
‘Why, could there be anyone else who loves you more than I do?’
‘Then throw her out!’
‘Laado!’ Dadi sounded enraged. ‘She’s a kid, how can we…’
‘I don’t mind! As long as she’s in this house I’ll starve!’
*
When she was young flames fascinated her. The purest of a havan kundh to the tiniest of a lamp’s light, she liked to watch the way they danced. Unlike many, she saw it not purely as light but a combination of light and darkness, just like the human lives were.
At the right amount, the right force it would banish the darkness surrounding, a little less it would magnify every shadow and blur your vision; a little more it would reduce you to ashes. Just like thoughts would, to a human mind.
As Swara lit the last of the candles and looked up, she saw the living example for the theory walk in, with his hands deep in his pockets. She reflected over her changed thoughts about him, months earlier this same scene would have irritated her to no end, now, she was so used to his ‘own the world’ attitude that she almost smiled at the sight of him. He nodded slightly at her as his eyes swept over the entire setting and Swara forgot for a moment how close she was to those fascinating flames.
‘Ouch!’ She said yanking her hand away from the innocently dancing flame that had scalded her finger in that one moment of lost attention.
Swiftly he grabbed her hand, and checked the extent of damage interestedly, then looked up at her with a slightly annoyed look.
‘Can’t you complete one task without injuring yourself Miss Bose?’ His tone was irritated, as she snatched her hand back. ‘You don’t have to shed your blood over such trivial things!’
‘Burns don’t bleed,’ Swara pointed out. ‘Anyway I’m done. I think your fiancee would love the sight sir.’
He watched her for another moment as if pondering his answer and then said.
‘Would you?’
She stared at him, wondering what on earth was going on behind that mask of a face and sighed.
‘I wouldn’t.’ He raised his eyebrows but did not interrupt her as she explained. ‘Because I know none of these lights reflect any warmth, no promises of love, no promises of happiness, for me that would be the essential ingredient of a proposal.’
‘Don’t you think you believe in love a little too much?’
‘You can’t spend a life time without love Mr. Maheshwari. I know you detest the idea but loveless marriages are fated to fail.’
‘Sometimes Miss Bose, love faint away, isn’t trust more important?’
‘Can you trust someone and not love them?’
Sanskar did not reply, he watched her mildly amused and slightly speechless. Swara gathered her phone and handbag, he noticed absentmindedly, she was about to leave.
‘Are you leaving?’
‘Ah, yes sir. I have promised a friend to dine with him.’
‘Is that friend by any chance my cousin?’
Swara nodded after a moment. Her friendship with Lakshya was not unfamiliar to her boss. But for some reason he seemed irritated with the fact that she met him constantly. Shaking her head slightly at the stranger behavior of her superior Swara went towards the exit.
‘Do you seriously believe I can’t keep her happy Miss Bose?’ He called after her, she stopped slightly smiling.
‘Does it really matter what I think?’
‘Yes, because I trust you.’
‘I think you need to heal yourself first sir, a wounded must retreat first.’
‘But some wounds don’t heal.’ Swara shook her head again, as if to get rid of the strange sensation inside her head and smiled at him before leaving with a look that made it evident she has given up the argument.
‘They wound others as well.’
*
‘He’s didn’t propose me,’ Ragini said jubilantly. ‘Your plan worked Lucky! Here I was hell worried he was going to propose and do you know what happened?’
For some reason, the sentence did not have the effect she imagined it would upon Lakshya. He looked rather afraid and startled to hear his success. His eyes were dimmed and his mouth curled in to the most fake of the lopsided grins.
‘He said he wanted to make sure he ends everything the proper way. Said it was our last diner together. Said he does not love me!’
‘And?’
‘And what?’ She said taking the seat beside her. They were sitting at some fancy restaurant and Ragini noticed how bright everything looked today. ‘I think he loves her or something.’
‘Who?’
‘That stupid PA of his! Ha, I could just imagine the looks on your family’s faces when he informs them! That Bengali girl, that too his PA!’
‘She won’t agree!’ Lakshya snapped. ‘I know her, she would never accept him. For her love is everything!’
Ragini watched him for a moment.
‘But, that was what we wanted right? We wanted him to go after her, so that he leaves me. Now exactly the same is happening and you’re worried for her?’
‘Ragz, it’s not that’
‘Then what? Please enlighten me Lucky, why aren’t you happy that your brother is not interested in me?’
‘Because he is interested in her!’
There was a pause.
‘This is a joke right? You’re trying to pull my leg right? Ha ha, as if you’d care for her.’
Lakshya gripped her hand, a little tighter than he would usually have done.
‘Ragz listen. I know I said all this meant nothing. I know I am just a friend of hers and I…I mean we were much more but…’
Ragini shook off his hold and stood up.
‘Are you trying to tell me that you have grown to care for her? That you love her now?’
Lakshya bit his lip.
‘It sounds I’ve cheated when you put it that way, but believe me Ragz I started it all for you, just for you! But now, now I look back; I realize that I was never in love with you to begin with. You were my childhood friend; I was so used to you that I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You were my habit, but she…she had changed me in to a different person. She has become my life, she is my need now.’
‘You’re pathetic do you know that?’
‘I deserve all those words Ragz, I have hurt you I know. But…But baby I won’t be able to keep you happy. I won’t be happy myself. So it is better for both of us if you just agree to marry Sanskar, he is a good guy after all and a rich one.’
‘Your money means nothing to me Mr. Maheshwari. I’m not trying to trap some rich guy like a desperate, illiterate village girl! And Sanskar, why do you want me to marry him? Do you think I’d believe this nonsense about how much you feel guilty? You want us married so that your path clears! You’re disgusting!’
‘Ragz-‘
She held out a hand to silence him her eyes blazing.
‘You know what? I don’t give a damn! But I would make sure you get this love of yours. You need her right? Very well, go get her! Then one day you’ll realize that you didn’t love her either, she was just an infatuation because you are incapable of loving, and you won’t ever love anyone other than yourself.’
With a final swing of her hand, she slapped him turned her heels and trotted off, still breathing heavily in anger.
At the entrance she passed Swara who had just arrived, but gave her no acknowledgment as she swept off.
*
Only three more candles were left to be put out when he heard footsteps. Sanskar turned slowly and watched Ragini approach him. She had left quite gleefully but had returned in an equal dejected avatar.
‘You were right,’ she said slowly. ‘Right to the last of your words. He doesn’t deserve me.’
‘Is he going to propose?’ Sanskar asked slowly as he blew off another candle and a little more darkness surrounded them.
‘Not yet. It would take him a lot of days to work up the courage.’
‘So,’ he turned his eyes on her once more. ‘What are you going to do?’
Ragini shrugged.
‘Do I have a choice? He hurt me, I want to squash him!’
‘Very well.’
She eyed him surprised.
‘But you? You love her don’t you? Why would you hurt her in the process?’
It was Sanskar’s turn to shrug.
‘She would be far more hurt if I let her love him. Love destroys people, I won’t destroy her.’
Ragini gave a shrill laugh, as another candle went out.
‘You Maheshwaris don’t value emotions at all do you?’
‘We’ve learned our lessons the hard way,’ said Sanskar. ‘You know my story Ragini, I do not wish to repeat it.’
*
‘But I do Sanskar,’ Ragini muttered to herself. ‘Your past is the only thing that can eliminate your present. It is a poison your elixir cannot withstand.’
She dialed a number and waited for the call to be picked up.
‘Hi Bhabi, you’re coming tomorrow aren’t you?’
*