Swasan SS - Elixir

Chapter 9

Love is similar to rain. It fills your vision, you ears and senses at the same time, it is around you and inside you simultaneously. You might forget the reason, but as the rain leaves the dampened earth ready for new greens to grow, being loved always leaves the traces, you could start growing dreams on the love soaked heart anytime you want.
His footfall behind her jerked Swara out of her thoughts; she had been standing in a pool of sunlight outside waiting for him. Turning around, with an unintentional smile curling her lips she looked at him. He looked frightened, rather out of breath.
‘I thought you left,’ he said coming over to her.
‘How can I unless you tell me where and how are we going?’
He stood there, inches apart and scanned her face.
‘Are you alright?’
She brushed away his concern with another smile, shaking her head slightly.
‘I remember who she is,’ she said addressing his fears directly. ‘I can’t stand watching her pitiable face while she acts to smile. Does she still think I would envy her or something?’
Sanskar laughed loudly, letting his arm wrap her shoulders lightly.
‘You’re always the ‘sane’ one,’ he said chuckling. ‘Let’s go.’
‘Sanskar?’ She said once they settled to travel, she had been watching the Maheshwari mansion disappear in the wing mirror.
‘Hmm?’
‘You said I’d be alone in your house earlier right? Then why are you taking me there now?’
‘You’d do better alone,’ he said darkly. ‘But I have found someone to keep you company, so that problem is solved for the moment.’
His phone rang the next moment cutting their conversation short and she watched him as he talked animatedly to some client about a project she had no idea about. The rest of the journey passed in silence.
*
The rain falling in faint layers, smashing against the windscreen and the patch of gloomy gray sky visible above the road matched his mood. Usually people came home in search of peace, but he ran from the very place to keep his peace of mind.
In his side view mirror he caught a sight of a car tailing him. Sanskar sighed. Peace was not that easily achieved how foolish had he been to think she would leave this at that. No, he wouldn’t take another dose of her bitter tears; he slammed the accelerator with his foot, gathering speed and power to move away from her. He took a bend and her car vanished from the view.
Steadying his drive he glanced at the mirror again, she had not caught up yet. Taking a lung full of rainy air he drove on, as the road side turned wilder with the speed he gathered. A thunder, splitting the dark sky for a moment shook the surrounding.
‘Dear lord!’ muttering a few well chosen curse words as his feet slammed on the breaks, Sanskar registered the vision in front of his wide eyes. Swara had apparently taken a detour and her car pulled in a few feet head of him, cutting through the smooth path forward and completely blocking his way.
It had been a long ago decided by Sanskar that his wife was suicidal, but it seemed she wanted to kill him while at that as well. He stepped out, uncaring of the rain that drenched him the very moment he made contact with its chilly embrace; he watched her engines die and her door crack open.
‘Are you trying to die?’ He roared.
The rain poured over her, as she fiddled with her mobile for a moment, her wet hair hang around her pale face and her flimsy sopping sari clung to her skin, she did not care the effect her image had on him at the moment as she rushed over to him.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ Sanskar continued dragging his eyes forcefully back to her face. Taking a deep breath she punched his chest.
‘Can’t you pick up your phone? You almost killed me, I…I was so worried!’
‘Why?’
‘We need to leave this place now!’ She looked at her phone again. ‘Right now!
It all happened in slow motion as Sanskar opened his mouth to ask her what happened, her mobile buzzed shrilly as if an alarm she had set went off with a high pitched note. Her eyes grew wide and she pushed him, pushed him with a strength he would have never imagined she possessed. Owing to his unpreparedness and lost balance he went spinning towards the roadside and hit his shoulder against a boulder, he had only a second to turn around. Flames roaring in to life, engulfed his vision, either it was a huge noise or a solid silence, but atmosphere exploded around him and so did his destiny.
‘Swara!’
*
Sanskar pulled the car to a side and rested his head on the steering wheel, his hands shaking slightly. Still whenever he sat behind the wheel that memory of her blood soaked face haunted him, the fear of losing her paralyzed him and the guilt of putting her in so much danger consumed him.
But, it had not been the ending.
Swara rested a petite warm hand on his shoulder. He made no response. She slid her hand and grasped his arm.
‘It’s alright, everything’s fine now.’ She said in a small voice. He looked up at her, drinking in the sight of her face, stressing that fact that she was still here, with him.
‘How did you know? How can you read me so well, when you don’t remember anything about yourself how can you know so much about me?’
Her hand slid further down and her fingers laced with his on the steering wheel, with her other hand she caressed his cheek, savoring her touch Sanskar closed his eyes.
‘Perhaps it’s because you belong to me, that sense had made me forget myself and remember you instead.’
He watched her musing how wonderful she was. He might never finish discovering her, for, she like a sky had endless qualities to her. Their initial relationship had been so dark with circumstances that both of them had never seen each other so clearly, but now the night of doubts, betrayals and pain was dawning to a crisp morning of fresh and warm love. Her sincerity had encouraged him to say something he would have otherwise never have uttered again.
‘I love you, you know that right?’
He was so used to her silence that he never hoped for a reply, but it felt good to tell her, just to see that soft flicker in her eyes.
‘For what I’m feeling at the moment,’ she said softly, pulling back her hand. His skin felt cold after losing her contact.  ‘Love is a very small word.’
Shaking his head and unable to help but grin, Sanskar re-ignited the engines. He watched her blush, thinking over her own words and said,
‘Ah words, knifes that kill tenderly with love.’
‘I don’t wish to take your life,’ she said boldly but her cheeks turned a shade darker.
‘I know; it is yours from the beginning.’
*
‘I never thought you would let such an opportunity slip by,’ Ragini hissed. ‘You were supposed to take her while Kavi bhabi distracted Sanskar!’
‘Fine!’ Lakshya said, burying his head in his hands. ‘I couldn’t okay? I can’t hurt her, she’s too close to my heart!’
Ragini cursed under her breath.
‘Didn’t we agree this was our only choice Lucky?’
‘She’d die, Ragz!’
With a wince Ragini acknowledged the use of her old nickname. A painful feeling it brought now, as if an old wound was stretching too much.
‘Okay, so what’s your plan now?’
‘I don’t think she loves Sanskar, she never did, neither she will now.’
‘So?’
‘He is just trying to force this relationship on her.’
‘So?’
‘I’ll go, I’ll meet her and talk to her one last time. I’ll try to bring her around politely first.’
‘And if it doesn’t work?’
‘It will work.’
‘What if it doesn’t?’
‘Then we’ll do as your doctor advised.’
‘You’ll use the drug on her?’
‘Yes.’
‘You won’t back out again?’
‘No.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes. But you have to help me this once.’
‘I have always been helping you Lucky, what is it now?’
‘I want you to clear my path to Swara this one time.’
‘I’ll see what I can do.’
‘Promise?’
Ragini gave him a sarcastic look.
‘I don’t know what that word means in your dictionary Lucky, but I do keep my word, when I give them sanely.’
She switched off the bedside lamp and watched Lakshya struggled in the couch.
‘Sweet dreams,’ she added with a hint of laughter.
*
It was almost the evening next day when Parineeta visited them.
‘She is Pari Bhabi,’ Sanskar said as the smiling woman hugged Swara. One could note the adoration in his voice. ‘She had always been a big sister to me.’
‘I thought he was going to say mother,’ Pari smiled, as she held Swara at arm’s length and scanned her face. ‘I might have killed him then. You don’t know how happy I am to see you Shona!’
‘Did we know each other?’
‘No,’ Pari shook her head. “I was in Mumbai when you two got married, we never had a chance to catch up, but I know all about you.’
She let the open affection Pari showed engulf her as they walked inside. Swara could hardly imagine why a man would choose Kavita over such a divine lady. Then again, Adarsh was not the most intelligent Maheshwari she had met.
Sanskar caught her looking around as Pari excused herself, in to her room to unpack. They had arrived the day before, but both of them were so tired that the surrounding slipped off their mind. In the evening light, Swara seemed to be looking for memories in the corners of that house.
‘Do you like it here?’
‘Hmm,’ she said as they started to walk, down the woody paneled corridors that had huge paintings covering their surfaces. ‘I feel home here, than I had ever felt in my life.’
‘Do you remember being here?’
‘No,’ she said shortly as she stopped at a painting, from the red sunlight that streamed through the window opposite the canvas glittered in a dark aura. Sanskar pressed his lips together as he stood behind her.
‘This is her,’ Swara muttered. ‘Kavita.’
‘It’s just a painting,’ said Sanskar.
Her eyes travelled over the canvas. It was smudged with evening colors, orange, red, pink and darker strokes of blue, like the sky at sun set, but each stroke carefully arranged, merging, melding and waving together, smoothing a picture of a veiled bride, slowly, lifting the heavy traditional stole that hid her dark, mesmerizing eyes.
‘No Sanskar,’ she objected softly. ‘It’s an unfulfilled dream.’
‘Yes, an innocent dream turned in to a nightmare. I might have been a fool to paint her.’
‘Do you hate her?’
‘No, what I loved she never was, what she is I never loved.’
He touched her shoulders and turned her to face him.
‘That is a painting of the woman I loved, of the dream I had…Kavita can never take that place. That painting is stroked with my thoughts, it is too beyond her capacity.’
‘I didn’t know you paint,’ she said blinking away the conversation. ‘This good at that too!’
He shrugged.
‘I don’t paint anymore; the amusement in colors is lost for me.’
‘Why? You should rediscover if it is lost!’
‘You can’t paint unless there’s a picture etched in your heart Swara, I don’t hear my heart anymore.’
‘You, Mr. Maheshwari, are one stubborn man,’ she laughed placing her palm over his heart. ‘Here your heart is, the fool is screaming at you and you claim it’s silent!’ He placed a hand over her fingers gently grasping them.
‘You Mrs. Maheshwari are equally stubborn; you’re simply leading this fool on.’
‘Am I?’
‘Um hmm.’ He nodded and bent his forehead to touch hers.
‘What will I have to do to make you paint again?’
‘Don’t tempt me,’ Sanskar gave her a dazzling grin. She blushed, nudging his forehead with hers and faking a frown. ‘Fine, mix the colors for me.’
‘Yes sir!’ She mocked a salute as they set off the passage way, shaking their heads and laughing at the long forgotten joke.
The rain of love had softened both their hearts, open for new dreams to grow and breathe.
*