You Are Not My Father

Chapter 4

I watched as the smoke drifted away from me as I exhaled and relaxed further into the soft grass I was currently laying in. I was onto my third cigarette and god how I missed them, they were just so calming and relieving. 

A feeling of content washed over me and I closed my eyes soaking in the sun. 

I think this place with be my escape while I’m here. I found a small field of grass across the street from the venue behind a small park, it was a relaxing place besides the fact that I could still here all the screaming fans and music. 

I could so run away right now, but I think I wanted to stay for a little bit more just to kill this curiosity about Austin that has been growing in me. I checked my ipod for the time and realised I had already been lying here for an hour. 

Shit, I have to get back incase Austin gets one of his band members to check up on me back at the bus. I slowly made my way back to the venue, stopping to chat with the security guards. They were nice guys, they let me in and out and promised not to tell Austin or anyone, it was our little secret.

I approached the bus and stepped inside to find Mick and Nick? I was never good at remembering names, but it was hatguy and the guy who owned the car that I tired to key. No wait Mike and Vic! Yes! Go me I actually remember not one but two peoples names. 

They sat on the couch looking like they had just ran a marathon or three. 

'Hey you guys alright?' They were both breathing heavily but had giant smiles on their faces.. weird.  

'Yeah we just performed, best audience I swear' Mike puffed out turning to me his posture suddenly tensing when he realised it was me who entered the bus and not some other band member. 

Vic eyes suddenly clouded and he turned serious, 'Casey, I think we should talk about yesterday.'

Fuck no I really did not want to talk about me almost stealing his car. 'What about yesterday?' I questioned back, walking to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water and slyly slipping the cigarette pack back into the counter from my back pocket. I am a fucken ninja.

'Well we both know what you were trying to do and I just wanted to know if you plan on sticking around?' Vic said softly staring at me patiently waiting for me to answer. His forwardness surprised me and by the looks of it it surprised Mike to as he elbowed Vic in the ribs giving him a WTF look. 

Do I lie or tell the truth?

Lies always seemed safer.

'Well yeah I decided to give Austin a chance.' I said breaking eye contact to take a sip of water. 

Mike spoke up then, 'Well we really hope you do, Austin has not stopped talking about you for a while now.' Guilt washed over me but I quickly pushed it away and responded by smiling at them. You could tell they really cared about Austin. 

'Well what are you guys doing now' I questioned not knowing what else to say. 

'Were waiting for-' They were interrupted by the door banging open and in walked Jaime and Tony, jaime came right up to me and wrapped me up in a tight hug catching me by surprise. 

'I've been wanting to do that since last night.' He said making me giggle as he set me down, tony hugged me to laughing as he told me how much I looked like Austin but shorter. I frowned at his short comment. 

I preferred the term fun sized not short. They all laughed when I told them that.

I could tell I was going to like these guys, they agreed to show me around the venue, and I saw Bring Me the Horizon playing, they were amazing I loved their music it was so different so refreshing from all the music I used to listen to. Mike being the tallest got me up on his shoulders and I watched them play, I was having fun which was a first for a long time. The guys got swarmed by fans most the time, but I didn't mind it was nice to see how much they adored their fans and how excited they got to meet everyone. 

What brought me back from my high spirits was when my cuts started to sting when I got off Mikes shoulders but they didn't hurt enough for them to be reopened so I tired to ignore it but the pain felt like a reminder that I couldn't have fun like normal people, that happiness always ends in hurt. 

Soon we had to go back to the bus, it was getting dark now and I was tired, it had been a long day. The guys dropped me off at the OM&M bus, each giving me a hug and told me they would see me tomorrow before heading off to their own bus. I stepped onto the bus and was greeted by a pacing Austin who had a phone to his ear and looked like he was in a really heated discussion. 

As soon as he saw me he stopped pacing and hung up the phone. 

'Where the hell have you been!? I have called everywhere looking for you.' He yelled at me advancing on me, he kind of intimidated me he was really angry. 

'I was with Mike, Vic, Jamie and Tony they took me to see BMTH set.' I explained trying to keep calm. I never had to answer to anyone before so it was weird for someone to be so angry at something that seemed so little to me. 

'Why didn't you think to tell me? Or even leave a note? I went through the rules this morning and it's well past your curfew.' He had stopped yelling but he now stood right in front of me glaring at me as he waited for me to answer. 

I rolled me eyes and tired to step around him to go have a shower and go to bed, but he grabbed my upper arm lightly to stop me and then let go. 

He sighed, 'I'm sorry I just, I was worried, we will get you a phone tomorrow so I can keep in contact with you. I'm sorry for yelling.' He looked apologetic but I was angry that he had just yelled at me for something that wasn't even my fault. 

I just turned away and carried on walking to my bunk not bothering to change into my pjs for another night, I hope this didn't become a habit, I missed sleeping in my pjs. 

Or as big of a habit as what I did last night in the dead of the night.