Maybe Next Year

Introduction

There's Always Next Year

Becoming an actress is a dream. A dream that no one will ever support. No one at school, at home, not even my friends. The pain of knowing that the people you care for have a different dream for you. Everyone believes that I will become a teacher, someone who educates the world. That was my dream in the beginning of the year, I wanted to be a social studies teacher. Of course when that dream happened everyone said, "Oh that's good! But you have five years to think about it!" But my parents on the other hand said, "Do something different with your life! Everyone in the family becomes a teacher! Be like your sister, she wants to become a surgeon, find your favorite thing and do it!" After hearing that I thought hard about Broadway and wanted to become a actress.

Oh crap, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Rosa, just your normal average 13 year old girl. So wanna hear my story, wait no you do not want to hear my story. If you are wondering why you don't is because I'm pathetic. But if you do sit back and enjoy.

After my parents told me to follow my dreams I stopped wanting to become a teacher and realized acting is life. Sleeping issues caused me to be able to stay up for long periods of time on the computer finding summer camps to attend. Well of course I found a few, but did my parents say yes? Nope, they said "There's always next year. Plus your sister is going to surgery conference thing in D.C" So if my sister Ella is doing something she likes which causes me suffer another year.

To be honest, Broadway is one thing that calms my anxiety. Being on stage must feel amazing, people clapping for you as you bow! As the crowd yells in excitement and when you exit that stagedoor to another world. A whole fandom built up around you! People who want to be just like you. That is what I strive for. The people who tell me I can't do it to see I can. It's like standing on top of this tall building looking down to the people. Everyone is excited for you to perform you dance, song, or to be completely honest just breath. But a reason I am told not to is because of my anxiety. They say when I'm standing on top of the building I'm going to fall. I will fall so hard everyone would laugh instead of care if I am fine. That is what I am told, that I would fail and fall so hard it would break me. What I think gets wiped out by those thoughts, the thoughts of happiness and caring is thrown to the side. It is stomped on until it is nothing, just a heart beating its last beat.

But that isn't relevant at the moment. What is important are fandoms. Fandoms build this stronger family than a biological family. Closer with online friends than family in my opinion is actually better. They really can't judge you for who you are because they don't know you. Unless they are a bitch than they probably will judge you. On the other hand fandoms just have this purely happy feeling about being apart of them. Like you belong and you fit in. That is what it feels like to find a great fandom. My first fandom was the R5 family. Which I still am active in, I kinda still have a Wattpad and Pinterest board just for them. In class we had to make an invention and I created a Fandom Planner. I themed it as Percy Jackson, I was proud of my work. My teacher on the other hand did not understand "fandom" so explaining to her the Hamilton trash family was kinda interesting.

Imagine this; A 59 year old Italian math teacher trying to understand what the hell a 13 year old Italian girl with social anxiety talking about fandoms. The teacher talking in Italian so the kids around us wouldn't understand and the girl responding in English.

If you just thought of that in your head you might be laughing or might be saying "Oh god bless this young girl."

Well now that you know a little more about me. I think you are ready for my journey of trying to survive middle school. Anxiety wasn't a choice, it is a given. This is a real story of a teenager who suffers badly with anxiety. But you'll need to read on to find out what the story is. Thanks, Sincerely Me. ;)