Reasons To Live (Frank/Gerard)

I Dont Love You Like I Did Yesterday

Pain. It’s all in your head. If you ignore it, you don’t feel it. But if you choose to acknowledge it then it shoots through you and explodes like a firework. I choose to ignore any kind of pain I might feel. Others choose to feel theirs without thinking of it. Sometimes I do choose to feel it though. But when I do all hell breaks loose. I’ve let my pain be known only a handful of times but each time my pain keeps getting worse and worse. Last time I tried to end my life was because of pain. No it wasn’t physical pain. It was emotional, mental pain. I’d been close to the edge for so long one little shove made me fall. I had fallen in love. But not with just anyone. With my best friend. Oh stupid, stupid love. We had dated but then he cheated on me with his current girlfriend of 2 years. It hurts knowing I wasn’t enough. Knowing I didn’t give enough. I had given him my first kiss. My virginity. My heart. My everything but that wasn’t enough for him. Gerard was 2 years older than me, sure. But who cares about that. It was still a legal relationship. I was in 9th and he was in 10th. His younger brother, Mikey, had been my only friend. He still is my friend. We went over to his one day after school to get money for the comic store. We went inside and Gerard was there. Sitting on the couch watching a anime I had since forgotten the name of just like all of our memories. He was wrapped up in a blanket with chicken noodle soup in front of him and his hair a mess. He looked up and gave me a cute, shy little smile. I smiled back and waved.

                                                             *Flashback*

“You alright?” I asked the boy who looked sickly pale.

“Ye-“ He tried to say before being interrupted with a gnarly cough. He then frowned and shook his head and popped a cough drop in his mouth.

“Want us to bring you home a comic?” Mikey asked making the pale boys face light up with joy. He nodded his head vigorously. I chuckled and patted his shoulder lightly then Mikey and I left.

                                                         *Present time*

When his face lit up I knew it would be difficult to stay away. At the time I had no idea I was gay. I only knew that some guys were extremely attractive and turned me on. It was when I got to 10th grade I discovered I was gay. I cried to mom and Mikey all night. It was a shocking revelation. Shortly after though Gerard came out as Bisexual. I was happy. Hell if I may, I was ecstatic. Gerard ended up being my first everything. Yeah we were young but we loved each other. At least I loved him. I wasn’t sure if he loved me after the 2nd time he cheated on me. First time he claimed he was drunk so I let it slide. But then it started getting more frequently. With the same girl. Lynz Ballato. So our relationship ended with a bang. Literally. We had sex one night and in the morning I left. I told him it was over and left. I know that was a dick move but hey, the asshole cheated on me multiple times with the same girl. Now I’m in 12th grade and I occasionally talk to Gerard but that’s only if I’m at Mikey and Gerard’s and run into him.

“Franklin Iero. Were you listening at all?” My friend Bob asked me.

“Ye-No.” I said bowing my head down and picking at the shards of grass beneath me.

“I asked if you wanted to go to Mikey’s this weekend? It’s your birthday so I thought maybe we could go to Mikes, watch zombie movies and eat popcorn and shit.” Bob said smiling. When I first met Bob he was big, tough and kind of rude. But the longer I knew him the more he turned into a big teddy bear.

“Yeah of course! Isn’t that what we’ve done every year for my birthday?” I asked laughing. And you know my name isn’t Franklin it’s just Frank.”