Reasons To Live (Frank/Gerard)

Shameless

I tend to sit and wonder if my name ever pops into your head. Do you think of me at night when you’re shamelessly touching yourself? Does my name or voice pop into your head when you’re off with your druggie friends getting hooked on coke or weed? Am I ever in your dreams or only your nightmares? Because I know your name and voice and your whole being can’t seem to leave me alone. I think of you when I touch myself. I think of you when I harm myself. But of course that’s not your fault. I’m always thinking of you. You’re in my dreams and nightmares. My mind won’t willingly let you leave me alone. Sometimes at night as I’m falling asleep, my rooms pitch black and the only noise to be heard was either the random man my mom had brought home or the owls calling for their friends and family, I can feel your presence beside me. Stroking my arm and softly singing a song you wrote for me called Sleep. It’s weird almost because I roll over half expecting you too be there and shush me and tell me to go to sleep then you’d peck my nose. But that never happens. I’m always there in the chilling darkness and lonesomeness of my own bedroom, drowning in sorrow and self-pity.

“Franklin Iero! Pay attention or your next move is detention.” Mrs. Williams obnoxious nasally voice called me interrupting my thoughts. There was one thing I hated more than missing Gerard and that’s when people interrupt my thinking. I simply nodded, faked a smile and flipped her off. She gasped surprised. No one ever has the guts to do that. I rolled my eyes at everyone’s shocked expressions. I grabbed my stuff and walked out of the complimentary room in this marvelous place called hell.

“Oh and by the way. My real name isn’t Franklin. It’s just Frank sweetie. Next time try bit harder.” I said popping my head back in the classroom then I winked and exited the school. I have no idea where I got the confidence to do that but I know I will get punished in some way because of it. I walked to the Way’s knowing Gerard would at least be there so I wouldn’t have to pity myself and be a depressed fuck. It was a 10 minute walk but I survived. I left the car at school for Mikey. He had spare car keys. I was just so pissed at everything. I walked into the Way’s. Completely forgetting that Gerard and I weren’t together anymore, I grabbed him by his shirt collar and shoved his back to the wall. I roughly pushed my lips to his. He gladly reacted by putting even more passion into the kiss. I remember when we used to date instead of taking my anger out on people, I would use sex or make out sessions with Gerard to help calm me down. Right now, it’s helping so much. Gerard licked my bottom lip pleading for entrance. I denied him just to get on his nerves. His hand slid from my shoulder down to my side and landed on my crotch. He started groping me though my jeans and sucking and tugging on my lip ring. I gasped at the sudden contact of his hand groping my dick through my pants. He slipped his tongue in my mouth and started massaging my tongue with his. Sneaky bastard. Mama D and Don won’t be home till 8. Its 1 now. Perfect. Gerard was backing me up and I landed harshly on the couch. He moved his mouth from mine and licked from the corner of my mouth down my neck and stopped at my sweet spot. Damn he still knew where it was. He started roughly and sloppily sucking and biting at my neck. I moaned in pleasure each time he added a bit of tongue.

“N-No mo- ughhh- no more fun-funny business.” I moaned out. I ripped his shirt off and he did the same to me. I flipped us over so now I was on top. I started at his lips and kissed down. I kissed his lips, then his neck, kissed down his stomach and finally I reached his hips. I kissed the button of his jeans and undid it. I unzipped them and pulled them off of his soft, pale body. His growing erection was forming a mountain in his boxers. I crawled back up to him and placed my thigh between his legs pressing it up against his bulge. I moved my leg in circles making Gerard moan and groan. After a bit of teasing I finally had enough. I made way down to his hard on and ripped his boxers off. I looked up at him with innocent eyes as I simply gently stroked him. His eyes rolled back, he groaned and bucked his hips. I smirked. I kissed the inside of his thigh knowing I was driving him crazy. I finally grabbed him and started pumping. I occasionally licked him which sent him over the edge.

“F-fu-fuck fran-frank. F-faster. Faster pl-please.” He moaned out like a porn star. Perfect and with a voice as smooth as honey. I put my mouth around him and moved my tongue in circles on his tip and hummed in pleasure. He kept bucking his hips so held his hips down. He begged me to let his hips go but each time he begged my grip on his hips got tighter and the slower I sucked him off. I hollowed my cheeks and sucked harder and harder as he reached his climax and was close. 

“F-fu-fuck. Pl-please, l-let me touch y-you.” He moaned. “FU-FUCKING H-HELL! FRAANK” He screamed as he finally reached his orgasm. I stroked him until he finished. He came in my mouth and like the good boy I am, I swallowed. I crawled back up to him and kissed his lips. I allowed him entrance this time.

“You would be an amazing porn star Gerard.” I said seriously.

“Yeah so I’ve been told by this short kid, hmm I forget his name. Oh Frank! That’s right! That’s his name.” He smirked. I cuddled closer into his side and kissed his chest a few times. I fell asleep, with no more sexual frustration.

                 When I woke up I realized I was no longer on the couch with Gerard, I was in his bed and we were both clothed and Mikey was sitting at his desk looking at a comic he recently bought, while The Smiths softly played in the background. Gerard was sitting up and my head was in his lap. He was stroking my hair.

“You really love him don’t you?” Mikey said looking over at us. I acted like I was still asleep.

“Yeah but I guarantee you that fuck was only because he was pissed and he needed release. “ He said sadly.

“Who knows? It’s Frank. You can never make a prediction about Frank because it usually turns out to be wrong.” Mikey said switching from uncaring brother to therapist in a matter of 0.2 seconds. That’s something I’ve always admired about Mikey. He can act like he doesn’t care about anything at all (when anxiety is actually eating him up) but then when you need help or you’re just not happy he always knows the right things to say at the correct times. I’ve never been able to do that. I always end up fucking something up. I mean just look at Gerard and I. I was probably the reason he constantly cheated. I probably didn’t pleasure him enough or maybe our sex was boring. I really need to stop thinking. It’s only making my self-esteem go lower than what it already is if that’s possible.

“I just wish he knew how I felt. I wish I didn’t fuck everything up with him. I wish I never cheated ya know? I ruined everything we could have been. I was too young and sex driven to actually see how I flt towards him. My teenage hormonal mind didn’t stop and think every time someone came onto to me. I t just said take the opportunity maybe the sex will be different. It’s not that I was unpleased or dissatisfied or hated Frank and I’s sex life. I loved it. It was fucking perfect. Everything a guy would ever fucking want. But I thought that maybe someone will come around that’s better in a way I guess. But that never happened. Frankie was always better then every single one. Our sex was somehow always new and exciting. I loved that. I love him. I love making him smile and laugh. I just wish he could forgive me for the asshat I was.” He sighed. I felt teary eyed. Dammit. Gerard was never this emotional. At least not since we broke up. He rarely shows emotion.

“I do forgive you. I love you too Gee.” I said having enough of being silent. My eyes watered up. Gerard looked down at me wide eyed. Soon a big goofy grin was plastered onto his face. I smiled back. He leaned down and kissed me. Man was this a good kiss. I felt fireworks and bats in my belly and wow. I can’t put how I felt into words.