Joellen

How I Found Out

Did I ever tell you guys how I found out?

I don't think I did.

So I will now.

It was a Tuesday night after school.

My brother came into my room and told me that our Dad was on the phone and needed to talk to us. Then my Mom also came in my room, with my brothers phone and my Dad on Speaker Phone.

My Dad told us he needed to talk to us. He sounded really sad and tired. I immediately knew that something was wrong.

Then he said it.

He told us that Joellen had been found dead in her dorm room on Sunday. She didn't have a roommate. No one that lived with her.

At that time, they didn't know how she died, but she had no wounds.

I couldn't breathe. I started crying, then sobbing. Next thing to knew I was curled up crying into my dog on the floor of my room.

The next day I went to school. I told my teachers what had happened and they were very helpful. A couple of times I started to cry in class and had to go for a walk through the building with a friend or sit outside the classroom and just breathe.

A couple days or a week later they got the results from the autopsy.

She had gotten over-the-counter pills, taken the whole bottle, and committed suicide.

Again, I couldn't breathe, but it was worse, way worse. I broke down, I sobbed and sobbed until no more tears came. I didn't understand, I couldn't understand. There were so many questions floating through my head.

Losing someone to natural causes or accidents by other people is hard, but losing someone to suicide is harder. Knowing that they purposefully took their own life.. it's just way worse. It hurts more. I've had both happen, I've lost a loved one to natural death, I've lost one to disease, and I've lost Joellen to suicide.

Thankyou for reading this chapter, it was very hard for me to write. I almost cried, but I didn't yay

Don't forget to take meds, drink water, etc.
Please take care of yourselves and be safe.