Protect her (BTS x Suicidal reader)

chap.1

(Y/N) POV

I sigh and look at the mirror with a teary eyes "im disgusting..." i said while looking at my disgusting body, I have scars (like a cat scars), cuts and burn. I go to the bathroom and grab my razor "i wish i didnt exist to this world" i said and burst out to tears as i grab my razor i look at the mirror, i have reddy eyes because of crying, big eye bags and my eyes looks dead and i look back to my wrist and razor.. i put my razor to my wrist and start to cut, i cried silently and not wanting to make any noise "i-i deserve this..." i whisper to myself and continues to cut. My wrist is full of cuts and its bleeds alots and the pain is not affecting me anymore. someone knock at my door "(Y/N)!~ dinner is ready!~" my mom said while knocking "Coming!..." i shout back and not make a sound like crying. iwash out the blood and put some bandage and wear my BTS black sweater , i rush downstair and see my mom happily putting our food in our table. oh i forgot im Shin(nEE..K I STOBH) (Y/N) im 16yrs old living with my mom my dad died in the fire when i was a child he tried to save us but he didnt survive cause the burning woods fall into him when were near at the exit...so me and my mom survived in the fire and the others too thats why i have munchausen's syndrome; emotional trauma during childhood and im always get bully at my school but i get to used it so that doesnt affect me so much,.im a kpop fan and yes a suicidal kpop fan soo.., my mom doesnt know im suicidal and im depressed af /suicidal af / lonely af / ugly asf and disgusting piece of shit so back and also i have too many phobias... so back to the Present

i sigh and usually do my fake smile and sit with my mom "enjoy your dinner sweetly" mom said (OK FUCK MY GRAMMAR GIVE ME THE DICTIONARY--), i nodded and start eating., "so (Y/N) you will start school next week!~" she said in excited tone, i fake smile again "ok mom " i said 'fuck school...here we go again...' i thought and sigh. i was done eating and i put the dishes at the sink and go upstair to my room. i closed the door and go took a quick shower., i was done taking a quick shower and still all the cuts are bleeding "well fuck..." i said and get the med kit and clean my cuts so it would not going to bleed so much. i laid down to my bed and unlock my phone, i go to my music and listrn to HOLD ME TIGHT-bts and go read in wattpad and slowly felt asleep

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IM SORRY IF ITS SHORT CUZ ON MY NOTEBOOK WAS SHORT BUT THE NEXT ULDATE WILL LONG I PROMISE 😭✋✋