I remember a lot of things
from what I thought was better
the nights out
because I thought I was breathing
the people I ran to
thinking things
meant more than they did
or were more
thinking the people were more
and weren't distracting
and illusions
I remember the way I hung
and the person I became
how freeing I believed it was
like I was in the midst
of an epiphany
like I was gaining something back
anything
I remember the way I felt
and how readily
my emotions poured out of me
the fierce way I decided to love and live
before I really knew
how to do either of those
I remember selling my skin
to be someone else
Shredding it away
like I needed to be a new person
I remember leather
and a thousand trees winding past
and mounting my ribs on mountains
and liquefying myself to sounds of new beginnings
I remember desperation masking truth
wanting so badly to believe in everything
in everyone
I remember the person I had been before
and the person I allowed myself to become
and how different things were
it all seems so useless now
watching the days pass
growing older
watching ourselves in mirrors and windows
and I don't know what I'm waiting for anymore
