I have this sinking feeling
that I'm going to drown,
uncontrollably
and quickly
like water crashing in,
an unstoppable tsunami
weighing down my lungs
and choking me
I have this sinking feeling
deep in my heart
like a thousand spears
are approaching
like the cracks
are bigger and bigger
and pieces
are coming apart
and no amount
of clutching
or begging
or glue
can keep it together
I have this sinking feeling
that I don't know what I want
that I don't know who I am
anymore
like everything I did
was a waste
like the person I became
was nothing
like all that time
and all the air
I sucked into my lungs
and all the freedom I bled
was never there at all
I have this sinking feeling
that I am winding down
a drain
faster and faster
a rushing tornado
seeking havoc
and destruction
wherever it falls
I have this sinking feeling
that every wild night
was never wild
and every dancing breath
and gushed laughter
every footstep in the rain
will get washed away
dripping down the walls
and down my ribs
to remind me
of what never was
and never could be
I have this sinking feeling
that a summers love
and free spirits
couldn't heal
and couldn't mend
something too broken
too far away
I have this sinking feeling
that I'm going to drown,
my lungs
are filling up
and I stopped
being able to breathe
but I didn't even swim,
I didn't fight for air
I fell deeper into the water
my ribs caving in
choking on myself
and falling apart
I have this sinking feeling
that I can't come up for air
anymore
I have this sinking feeling
wrought throughout my bones
seeped in my blood
