II. Gods and Monsters

18. Confession

They'd been driving in silence for fifteen minutes now. Now that may not seem like a long time, but considering how talkative Andrew and Charlotte normally were in the car and the darkness outside hiding any distraction, it felt like an eternity.

"Charlotte?" Andrew asked eventually.

"Yeah?"

"There's... something we need to talk about."

"If this is about Oli, forget it. I've made my decision and there's nothing you can..."

"It's about your mother."

Silence fell. Her dad never spoke about her mother and she never wanted to hear anything about her.

"She..." he blew out a large volume of air before continuing. "When she left... It wasn't because she didn't care for us."

Charlotte stared blankly ahead, betraying no emotion whatsoever.

"Go on."

"Just after you were born, I was offered a job at a new precinct. Not the one I work at now, one further north. It came with a promotion, so I leapt at it with both hands. Your mum didn't approve. She said that moving around with you would be difficult and probably distressing for you. I brushed her off, telling her that she was worrying too much. My life was just a lot of bad choices after that."

"You did something to her, didn't you?"

"No. I didn't do anything to your mum directly. Your mum and I... We didn't have the smoothest of marriages. We argued, fought..." he sighed. "We kidded ourselves on, thinking we could stay together for your sake. But I messed up. At work, I met a colleague who was going through something similar. She was young, beautiful and understood the troubles I was facing. As you can imagine, we got to know each other, things escalated..."

"How long?"

"Three months," Andrew admitted.

"You lied to mum for three months? How did she find out?"

"I confessed. I couldn't keep it inside forever. I needed to tell her at some point. Your mum couldn't take it. She packed up and left that night. Before she did, she came into your room and gave you a kiss goodbye. I know because when I came to check on you the next morning, she'd left a smudge of lipstick on your forehead. Your mum didn't have apathy towards you. Quite the opposite actually. Like me, everything she did was for you. She loved you with all her heart."

Charlotte shook her head, refusing to make eye contact with her father.

"And that's what Oli was so mad at you about."

"Yes. We made a deal to keep each other's secret from you. I broke that deal, so either my secret came from him or me."

"You've lied to me my whole life. Made me hate a woman I had no right to hate. Why?"

"Because I was ashamed. Instead of facing my shame I chose to run from it. I was scared. I'm sorry sweetheart."

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

Charlotte sighed. "I don't blame you."

"What?"

"I'm mad. Holy hell am I mad. I'm madder than I've ever been in my entire life. But you were scared. You were my only parent and you worried that if you told me you'd lose me and I'd have no parent at all. I get that you were trying to do what was best for me. So, for the same reason I won't hate Oli for keeping his secret from me, I won't hate you."

"You were always too kind to me," Andrew said to her.

"Maybe..." Charlotte murmured at the window she was staring out of.

The rest of the journey was spent in silence, Charlotte staring into the night, wondering for the first time in her life where her mother might be.