Ineffable | ✓

06

"People always told me, be careful what you do. Don't go around breakin young girls hearts."

– "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson

I woke up with Ella in my arms. It was like a dream come true. But it wasn't true. It was just for that night. I washed away those thoughts and without waking up Ella, I went downstairs. I wrote a little note "If you need anything, just call me." and left her place.

I realized that I have no plan. I don't know what I'm going to do to get Ella back into my life. Maybe I should just listen to her side of the story and then decide what I should do. So I went home and just laid down in my bed for an hour or so, and then I couldn't take it anymore. I texted Ella.

I was so happy, but at the same time, I was terrified. I didn't know what I was going to say. I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know how I should react when she tells me what happened. It was the usual, I was clueless.

I decided to go read some more letters, but then I realized I only had two more.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I could have done so much more. I really could have.

I honestly hate myself.

Now I just have to wait until I get to Ella's house to see whether she will still want to be friends with me again.

I highly doubt it.