Secrets

Chapter 16 ~ Rachel's PoV

Authors note ~ I'm so sorry that I haven't written in ages, I didn't know what to write and I almost forgot about the book. But here's chapter 16.

"What would you do? What would you say? How does it feel? Pretend it's OK. My eyes deceive me, but it's still the same. Pretend it's OK."
I sing along to Pretend it's OK by little mix while listening to it on my iPod. I'm sat here alone in the dressing room trying to drown away my thoughts with music. It doesn't seem to be working, thoughts just keep going round and round in my head. I can't let go of the thoughts, and the bad memories.
There's a tap on my shoulder. Oh no, it's probably him again. My heart is going to jump out of my chest. I don't want to turn around, I don't want it to be him. I put my hand up to my earphone and quickly pull them out. I feel a hand touch my arm.
"Please don't hurt me." I say as quietly as possible.
"It's ok sweetie. I'm not going to hurt you. Why would I do that?" A warm voice fills the room. Instantly I know that it's just Alesha.
"Don't do that. You startled me." I say trying to stay calm, it's not easy when I'm constantly feeling scared.
"I'm so sorry bubba. I didn't mean to scare you. Are you ok?" Alesha says, pulling me in for a hug, genuinely seeming worried.
"Um. Yeah, I'm ok." I lie to her. I'm not ok but I don't want her to worry.
"Yeah and pigs can fly. You can tell me anything, I'm your mother, I don't care if it is something that will hurt me. As long as you are ok.Now I'm asking you again. Are you ok?" Alesha says in a more stern voice.
I feel like I can trust her. But I have been told not to breathe a word of what always plays on my mind. I can't tell her, he'll come after me, probably even get someone to go after her. I cannot have that.
"Truthfully no. But if I told you what is going on it will not only hurt you, but it will bring massive consequences. I just have to deal with it and hope that one day it goes away." I say almost breaking down.
"Bubba, it's going to be ok. Please just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you through it. I promise that I won't tell anybody and I really mean it. I have never once broken a promise, so please trust me with whatever is hanging over you. We'll sort it out." Alesha is tearing up, I want to tell her so much, but I don't want her to have it hanging over her too. Urgh, why can't my life be easy. I always have to make decisions, I wish I didn't.
"Er, I will tell you, on three conditions. Firstly, please don't shout or get mad at what I'm about to tell you. Also, don't tell a single soul, please, I beg of you not to. And don't try to sort it out, this is my mess, not yours. I can't let you get involved." I'm a nervous wreck, how do I tell her in this state.
"I could never get mad at you. I won't tell anyone, I promise. And if it's something that I know you won't be able to deal with alone, then I'm going to have to get involved I'm afraid, I love you and don't want to see you like this, I want you to be a happy, bubbly person." Oh gosh, why do I trust someone who I've only known for 5 minutes with my darkest secret that I've been keeping for 2 years. What has my life become of?
"Don't get involved! The thing I want the most is you not to get involved. I can't let you. I can tell you, not that I'm meant to but I can't have you getting involved. Is that clear?" I say my voice croaking from the tears that I'm holding back.
"Yes bubba. If that's what you want then I will have to accept that." Alesha looks at me in the eye. I know that she's telling the truth.
"Ok. So what I'm about to tell you will be a bit shocking. So, no interrupting, just let me talk through it, otherwise I might not get to the point. Ok?" I say gaining a nod and a mumbled 'ok'. "Thank you. Ok so here's the hard bit, but it has to be said now. Th-that man you saw earlier he, erm, he used to be a good friend whilst I was growing up, he looked after me when I was bullied and frightened the bullies away. But one day that changed. I moved house and his family were quite close to mine. So he'd visit almost every weekend. After moving, I had to change school. I would get badly bullied there, I told only good friend at the time and he did nothing about it, all he said was a 'oh well, you'll live'. Then, he changed and started calling me rude names, he'd still visit all the time but not because it was fun to hang out with me anymore. Because he was in love with me, so he told me. I thought it was a big deal as I thought that I was in love with him too. But it turned out that he didn't love me, he was just using me. He wanted to sleep with me and I told him that I didn't want to. That day onwards for about a year and a half he started hitting me. As the time went, the hits would get harder and he would shove me if I whimpered from the smacks. So I learnt to deal with the pain and no one would notice. I'd wear baggy clothes hoping that and no one ever noticed. Then one day the hitting stopped. I thought it was all over. But I was wrong, it was just the beginning. I got home from school one day and he was there waiting for me. He said that he was sorry for what happened and wanted to try and make us work. I told him I didn't want to and he punched me in the stomach and said that I have to as I didn't have a choice. Then he left and told me that he'd be back soon.
I had made a couple of friends by then and for 2 weeks I tried to stay at their houses but I couldn't go on like it forever so I went home. He was there waiting for me at the kitchen table. I ran up the stairs and someone shouted up after me but I just went into my room and tried to hide. He came in and growled at me saying why had I not answered his texts and calls and if I'd been seeing someone else. I told him no but he said that I needed to be punished and to learn my lesson.
He took a chair and put it in front of the door so that nobody could come in. Then he forcefully threw me onto my bed. He said that it was for my own good. He punched me a few times. Then he-" I couldn't go on, I'm exhausted from speaking. I couldn't bring myself to say it. I'll have to let Alesha guess the rest.
Authors note ~ Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Would love to hear what you thought, please comment below. Thanks. X