Bendict Cumberbatch Imagines

Enigma (Part 4) - I'm Sorry

I tried to write about Enigma, but it hurt and that's why I haven't updated in forever. It was painful to write because it was so so so boring. Have this emotionally harrowing part instead so you can forgive me :)

About a year later, you find out about Alan's treatment and try to help him

---

"I need you to leave Bletchley." The first words that come out of his mouth hit you like a ton of bricks, but you try to keep a positive face.

"What?" You ask, a bit of edge to your voice. 

"Menzies. I don't trust..." It looks like he's trying to tell you something, and it's bothering the crap out of you because you don't know what it is. "... I don't think it's safe here."

"You think it's safe somewhere else? Alan, talk to me. What's happened?" He pauses, looking distant before taking a deep breath, as if saying what's next could break you in two.

"We can't be engaged anymore. Your parents will have to take you back and find you a husband elsewhere." Well, looks like his look told you everything. "There's something I have to tell you." He takes deep, a deep breath in and looks you straight in the eyes; those turquoise eyes boring into your soul. "I'm... I'm a homosexual." It takes a moment for the information to process, but you straighten your back and wiped your eyes gently.

"Alright." You say abruptly, crossing your arms and trying not to show the pain on your face. Sure, you'd always had some sort of suspicion, but you never thought it to be true. "So what? I had my suspicions. I always did. But we're not like other people. We love each other in our own way, and we can still live the life together that we want. You won't be the perfect husband?" Now you were ranting, just watching Alan's face carefully to see if there was any trace of emotion. He was doing a hell of a job keeping the icy face of indifference, but you could tell that it was an act. "I can promise you that I had no intention of being the perfect wife. I'll not be fixing your lamb all day awaiting your return from the office, will I? I'll work. You'll work. We'll have each other's company. We'll have each other's minds. Sounds like a better marriage than most. Because I care for you. And you care for me. And we understand one another more than anyone else ever has." He sighs, exasperated, as if he's almost desperate to get rid of me, I just wish he would tell me why... 

"I don't."

"What?" You ask, barely comprehending the situation as you were trying to resist the steam from bursting out of your ears and the tears from streaming down your cheeks.

"I don't... care for you. I never did. I only needed you to break Enigma. And now I've done it, so... you can leave." Without thinking, you slap him across the face as hard as you could, a mixture of sadness and anger overwhelming you at the same time. 

"I am not going anywhere. I have spent entirely too much of my life worried about what you think of me, or what my parents think of me. This work is the most important thing I will ever do in my life. And no one will stop me. Least of all you." You turn to walk away, wiping your tears as your back was turned, but you look down and realize the ring is still on your finger. Furious, you rip the ring off and throw it at his chest. "They were right. John. Hugh. Peter. You really are a monster." You couldn't stop the words from flowing out of your mouth, but in this moment you couldn't find it in you to care.

Even though of course, you knew better. Alan isn't a monster. He's a kind man who just wanted to make some friends while doing what he loved. Well... he was a kind man. You don't even know if you know the man you're walking away from anymore.

--- ABOUT A YEAR LATER ---

Taking a deep breath in, you rang the doorbell to Alan Turing's door. The man who left you a long time ago. Since then you hadn't talked to him. But the trial, you can't even imagine what he's going through. People ratted him out, told the government he was a homosexual and... well, you came to ask what happened with the trial.