Suicide Lane Cafe

for ken

sometimes i tell myself nothing is infinite, not even loss

but then i remember how - 

i forgot my email password but

still know the ten steps to his flat

i hated my name until i heard him say it 

and reach out for me in his sleep

he once told me he was a cigarette break

and i was a forest fire

i replied i was a daisy in a field of roses

and he said he liked daisies

he loved me most when 

i did not know how to love myself. 

so when one day - 

he gave me a box of darkness

only now do i realise this, too, was a gift.