The Tale of Dragons and Dungeons

Why Blader is not allowed to write on the D&D page any more

Oznerol was playing a violin, like a motherf-*/er. Isaac was impressed. "Dang Ozzy, where'd you learn to play a violin like that?" He grinned like Gene on a Black Tuesday. "Let me tell you...IN THE FORM OF SONG!" He sung the last few words like a retard. "No." "Aw, please?" "Fine, but only if it doesn't rip off another viral song." "AWWWW YEAAHHH"

Oznerol began playing his violin, and Lightning Heart began bass in the back. Isaac, for his part, was nonchalantly playing drums, aggressively watching as Oznerol began to conjure up a show for his performance.

"The Devil went down to your mom's house, he was looking' for a soul to steal." The images conjured by Oznerol showed a silhouette which beared a striking resemblance to a certain winged someone on drums. Anyway. "He was in a bind cause he was way behind, he was willing' to make a deal." The silhouette looked at his pocket watch, with text appearing on screen which roughly translated to "RRRRRRR" in his voice and his animation . "When he came across a young man sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot, and the Devil jumped up on the hickory stump and said 'BOY LEMME TELL YOU WHAT.'" Oznerol had nigh perfect synchronization between. The silhouette playing the fiddle bore a striking resemblance to a yellow haired idiot standing on stage. Isaac broke one of his drumsticks from how furiously he was watching, so he decided to rip out his right femur (making sure he could still use the kick at the bottom of the drumset) to use instead. "'I GUESS YOU DIDN' KNOW IT BUT I'M A FIDDLE PLAYER TOO, AND IF YOU CAYEH TO TAKE A DAYEH I'LL MAKE A BET WITH' YOU. NOW YOU PLAY A PRETTEH GOOD FIDDLE BOI BUT GIVE THE DEVIL HIS DUE, I'LL BET A FIDDLE O' GOLD AGAINST YO SOUL CUZ AH THINK AHM BETTER THAN YOU.'" As he mentioned the Golden Fiddle, he pulled out said instrument. "It looks gay..." "That looks gay." It looked gay. Everybody in the room thought the violin looked gay. "The boy said 'My name's Ozzy and it might be a sin, but I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret, cuz I'm the best that's evuh been." Isaac rolled his eyes as the entire bar erupted into a sudden chorus, almost as though they had rehearsed the next line. "Ozzy rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard, cuz hell's broke loose at your mom's house and the Devil deals the cards." Several cards flew out of the illusion revealing their reality and being sent towards Isaac as he continued playing with both of his femurs ripped out. They made a card outline in the wall of Isaac's silhouette. He was unamused. "And if you win you get this gay fiddle made of gold, BUT IF YOU LOSE, THE DEVIL GETS YOUR SOOOOUL!" Oznerol once again began playing his violin like a motherf-*/er. Isaac watched with a grumpy face as he continued the next line. "The devil opened up his case and he said "I'LL START DIS SHOW." And fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow." As Oz said this, the bar burst into flames. "And he pulled the bow across his strings and it made an evil hiss," Oznerol did so. "And then a band of demons joined in, and it sounded something like this." Isaac and LH played their hearts out. Somewhere along the line Dedrater came in. By the end of this solo, he was no more, left bleeding with Oznerol's bow in his forehead. He conjured up another one. "When the devil finished, Ozzy said 'Well you're pretty good ole son, but sit down in that chair right there and let me show you how it's done." The devil sat. The bar was once again singing in unison, despite the burning bottles and glasses of alcohol surrounding them. "FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN, RUN BOIS RUN" He played his fiddle. "THE DEVIL'S IN THE HOUSE OF THE RISIN' SUN" Again. "CHICKEN IN THE BREAD PIN, PICKIN' OUT DOUGH" The illusion threw a chicken at Isaac. The chicken landed and nested in his bushy hair, laying an egg within minutes. "'GRANNY DOES YOUR DOG BITE?' 'NO CHILD, NO.'" Everybody was agreed: these lyrics were autistic. But it was too damn awesome to not join in. Ozzy once again played his violin like a motherf*-/er. But for longer this time. "The devil bowed his head because he knew that he had been beat. He laid the golden fiddle on the ground at Ozzy's feet." The fiddle still looked gay. "Ozzy said: 'Devil, just come on back if you evuh wanna try again, I DONE TOLD YOU ONCE YOU SON OF A *mama* I'M THE BEST THAT'S EVUH BEEN.'" Ozzy tipped his 3 fedoras, all named after condiments. "And he playED FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN RUN BOYS, RUN!" Violin. "DEVIL'S IN THE HOUSE OF THE RISIN' SUN" Again. "CHICKEN IN THE BREAD PIN PICKIN' OUT DOUGH." Another chicken. "'GRANNY DOES YO DAWG BITE?' 'NO CHILD NOO.'" Oznerol played his fiddle like a motherf*-/er for the last time that night, and at the end of it all, rose for his standing ovation, and then pulled out a moTHERF*-/ING FULLY AUTOMATIC ASSAULT RIFLE AND OPENED FIRE INTO THE CROWD. AFTER HE WAS THROUGH ONE CLIP, HE RELOADED AND SHOT LH IN THE KNEE BEFORE SHE COULD REACT, BEFORE UNLOADING HALF A CLIP INTO HER BODY BEFORE LEAVING HER DEAD, STILL SMOKING. HE THEN TURNED ON ISAAC, WHO ALLOWED HIM TO EMPTY THE NEXT HALF CLIP AND THEN THE NEXT FULL CLIP, ALL EXCEPT FOR ONE BULLET. Oznerol leaned in, gun pointed at Isaac's temple, and whispered one thing. "What do you have to say, Devil?" Isaac lazily spit blood and remarked "That was such bull$h!t." Oznerol shot Isaac one last time, leaving him to rot. He walked out, feeling accomplished.

It was then that he realized his mistake. Both chickens he had fired during the show were waiting for him outside. One layed an egg on Oznerol as he walked outside, knocking him out cold. The other one raped him, tore his penis off, and threw it off a cliff. It then ate his balls and they both proceeded to peck out his insides. They left to find a more suitable nest.

Moral of this story? Don't f*-/ with a chicken's nest.

THE END

Oznerol's deceased hands played a "Wah, wah, wahhhhh" sound on the violin.