Burning Bright

Chapter 36

I lay in my bed, wondering if I’d ever see him again. What had seemed such a noble selfless gesture at 4 am now seemed incredibly stupid and selfish, me making the decision for him because I thought I knew what was best for him. With no way of contacting him, I just had to hope he came back. Even if it was to tell me when he was leaving.

He returned half an hour later, hands shoved deep into his jacket pockets, standing morosely by the door.

‘Sorry,’ I said immediately.

‘What for?’ He didn’t come into the room.

‘Treating you like an idiot. Eoin, I’m scared.’ That sprung him into action and he walked to the end of the bed looking down at me.

‘Of what?’

‘Of pretty much everything at the moment.’

‘Including me?’

‘Including being with you.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you’ve pretty much turned my whole world upside down since I met you. I mean, in the best way possible. Like being on an amazing roller coaster ride. But it’s suddenly come to a halt. For me, anyway. And I have to get off for a while and I don’t want to stop you having an amazing, incredible life. I just can’t see it being with me, not while I’m like this.’

Eoin looked thoughtful as he took off his jacket and pulled a chair over to me. ‘Nice analogy,’ he said. ‘But you really can’t see that my life is only so amazing and incredible because you’re part of it?’

‘Honestly, Eoin? No. Because your life was amazing and incredible before you met me, and would be if I wasn’t here. Probably more amazing and incredible.’

He rested his elbows on his knees and nibbled on his thumb nails, not meeting my gaze. He was silent for a long time. ‘Every . . .’ he began, but then stopped, placed his hands under his thighs and looked round the room before back at me. ‘Every time I think of the future, I see you in it. I know it’s been one hell of a journey we’ve been on since we met, but all the plans I’ve made, all the things I want to do, they all include you.’

It was, quite simply, the most romantic thing I had ever heard. So of course I had to go and ruin the moment. ‘With me in a wheelchair?’

‘Christ, Kate, what do you want me to say? No of course not! But crap happens. What happened to yesterday’s “I’m going to walk again”? Have you given up on that already?’

‘No. No I haven’t.’

‘And what about your little speech to Veronique about nothing coming between us? Does that not count when things take a turn for the worst? Even though I love you more than ever?’

‘Eoin . . . All the plans I had, well . . .’

‘Did any of them include me?’

I reached out my hand to him and he took it. ‘They all do.’