Burning Bright

Chapter 12

I found him sitting on the sofa, head in his hands.

‘Eoin?’ He said nothing. ‘Eoin? Are you OK?’

There was genuine anguish on his face as he looked up at me. ‘I’m sorry, Kate.’ My heart clenched in fear. ‘Last night . . . that wasn’t supposed to happen. I shouldn’t have . . .’

‘Oh.’ I started to back away, mouth sour with shock.

‘Kate? No, wait.’ But I returned to my room and shut the door behind me, tears already streaming down my face as I resumed the sobbing he’d ended earlier. But without the tea.

He knocked on my door. ‘Kate?’ I ignored him. ‘Kate?’ More ignoring. ‘Kate, I don’t mean-’

‘Go away.’

‘OK. We’ll talk in the morning,’ and I continued my sobbing.

Except we didn’t as I barely slept and as the first fingers of dawn stretched over the windowsill, I picked up  yesterday’s bag, fortunately still unpacked, and sneaked out quietly, surprised to see Eoin asleep on the sofa. Naked. And beautiful. And obviously full of regret for what had happened between us.

I drove towards the coast, not to the bay we’d been to the day before, but to somewhere busier. I needed to lose myself in the mass of anonymity provided by a busy resort. I parked and walked into the town, treating myself to breakfast at a beach cafe, happy to sink into the background and trying hard not to think of Eoin.

I wandered round the markets, browsed the shops, ate lunch, drank a beer, then a second, paid for a lounger, read my Kindle, fell asleep in the afternoon sun and woke much later than I’d intended as the sun was heading towards the sea. I left straight away, but it was dark before I was halfway home which slowed me considerably although I was in no great hurry to get back.

I could see there were lights on in my apartment after I’d parked my car and walked slowly back to it. I opened the front door to see Eoin look up from his seat on the sofa, relief spreading over his face.

‘I was worried about you,’ he said. ‘It got dark.’

‘I went to the beach and fell asleep.’

‘Oh. Sorry I missed you this morning. I stayed on the sofa because I wanted to talk to you. To explain.’

‘I know. I saw.’

‘I made such a feckin’ mess of it last night. Kate, we need to talk.’

‘I’ve heard that before.’

He flicked a smile. ‘Can I get you a drink?’

‘Tea would be nice.’

I dumped my bag in my bedroom and freshened up, by which time he’d made my tea.

‘About last night,’ he began. I gripped the mug tightly. ‘It should never have happened. I’m sorry.’

‘I knew you’d regret it.’

‘Regret it? Well, yes, I suppose I did because I’d just risked putting you in jail. That was my regret.’

‘I knew what I was doing.’

‘Even so . . . Kate . . .’

‘Well as it won’t happen again, it doesn’t really matter.’

‘Won’t happen again? Oh. OK. Your decision.’

‘My decision? Eoin, you just said . . .’

‘I said I regretted putting you at risk. Not what happened. That was amazing.’

‘Amazing?’

‘Kate, I never thought it would happen. And then, when you kissed me and suddenly the opportunity was there, I let you down by allowing it to happen even though I knew it shouldn’t. And afterwards I panicked because I’m not sure how I can handle being near you and not being able to touch you and kiss you and hold you. Because even before . . . even before last night I wanted to do that. And last night you . . . you kissed me. And I couldn’t stop myself. Because I wanted to make love to you, desperately wanted to, and it had been so long . . .’

‘So long? But what about Veronique on Friday?’ How to ruin the mood, Kate.

‘I didn’t sleep with Veronique!’

‘You didn’t?’

‘No, I passed out on the sofa.’

‘But . . .? It was so obvious she fancied you!’

‘No she didn’t.’

‘Yes she did!’

‘Erm, it wasn’t me she fancied. It was Gwaine.’

‘Gwaine? But . . .?’

‘She . . . she asked me to kiss her so she could say she’d been kissed by Sir Gwaine. And that’s why I came home early last night. She was trying to get me to go home with her because a kiss from Sir Gwaine wasn’t enough and she wanted more from him. Him. Not me. I pleaded a headache from the sun. Anyway, it wasn’t the same without you.’

‘Oh. Erm . . .’

‘I know. But you . . . well, at least I knew it was me, Eoin, you wanted to kiss.’

‘And more.’

‘Was it . . . was it OK for you?’ He sounded strangely insecure.

I put down my cup and shuffled up next to him on the sofa. ‘It was the most wonderful experience of my life.’

‘Seriously?’

I nodded. ‘Yes. And I don’t regret doing it. Not for one moment. Because when you fly home in three weeks-’

‘Or I don’t.’

‘Don’t think about that. But when you fly home, I really didn’t want to regret not taking the opportunity to . . . to have known how good it was with you,’ and I leaned forward and kissed him softly. ‘Thank you.’

‘Oh God, Kate,’ and then he leaned towards me and we were kissing again, and then holding each other, and then we were heading to the bedroom and refamiliarising ourselves with each others’ bodies.

Snuggled up against him, he kissed me. ‘In for a penny, eh?’

‘Might as well get hung for a sheep . . . Although . . .’

‘We need to keep this secret, don’t we? That’s what spooked me last night. Trying to work out how this changed “us”, and if there was an “us”. There is, isn’t there?’ he asked anxiously.

‘I hope so!’

‘Good,’ and he kissed my nose. ‘But that still doesn’t help me cope with having to keep my hands off you.’

‘Well you’ll have to. Good job I’m at work all day so I can keep away from you.’

‘But when you get home . . .’

‘Mmm?’

‘Well, I’m just going to have to do this to you . . . and then this . . . and maybe even this . . .’

‘Eoin!’

‘You unleashed the tiger in me, Kate. You’ve only yourself to blame.’