Be Somebody// m.e

25

Its been about a week or two since i got back. Everyday my mind overthinks it. My eyes have constantly been red and puffy. I have bags under my eyes and i have a constant headache. I cant believe i let Matt into my life. I cant believe i was dumb enough to believe what he told me.
I just cant believe what he did. Honestly i don't know exactly what he did but still. I don't know what i did wrong.

My sister walked into my room and sat down on my bed. I sat up wiping my eyes. It was 12pm
"Emma"
"What" i said with no emotion.
"You hungry? Me and mom are going out to eat and were wondering if you wanted to come"
"No id rather stay home but can you guys bring me cookie dough ice cream from target please"
"Yeah ill ask mom if we can" she said standing up and walking out.

My mom and sister always try to talk to me about what happened but i always shut them out. I feel super bad because how sweet they are but id rather not talk about it.

*
I woke up from my nap and it was around 8 pm. I stood up looking in my mirror. Im a mess. I cant let a boy fuck me up this bad. I cant let Matt see how shitty I've been feeling. I needed to make sure he knew i was fine without him even though i wasn't. I miss him. But i know i shouldn't miss him. Wow guys ain't shit.

I took a quick shower and made myself look cute. I curled my hair and did my makeup full on. I put on a black dress that hugged my body tightly. I slipped on some heels and looked at myself. I have no reason to go out.

I remembered that the guy from the smoothie shop gave me his number. I looked through my jeans that i wore that day and pulled out the piece of paper and entered it onto my phone.

I called the number and it rang a bit before a guy who i assumed to be Adam answered.

"Hello"
"Hi remember the girl from the smoothie shop" i said laughing.
"ive been waiting for you to call me" he said.
"Well im kinda bored and got ready for no reason"
"Lucky for you im on my way to a party wanna come?"
"Yea can you pick me up?" I asked.
"Yes just text me your address" 
"Okay bye" i said hanging up. I texted him my address. While i waited i took i mirror selfie and posted it onto my snapchat hoping Matt would see it.

He picked me up and the ride to the party was full of laughs and kinda awkward. I pulled out my phone and recorded myself on snapchat. I knew i was doing this to make Matt jealous. I recorded myself and then turned the camera to Adam. He stuck his tongue out and i laughed. I posted the video the my story. I looked at my other post and saw Matt had seen it. Good.

We arrived at the party and the house was literally huge. The music was loud and the smell of alcohol was strong.

Quickly the party got fun. I forgot how fun parties are. I was dancing around with some random girls that were drunk but they welcomed me into their group. I had drank a bit. I wasn't drunk but i was surely buzzed. I felt all the anger in my body leave as i was just enjoying myself.

"I GOT FAKE PEOPLE SHOWING FAKE LOVE TO ME STRAIGHT UP TO MY FACE" i yelled out along with everyone else at this party. The night was going great and i had forgotten about Matt.

*

Its been an hour and the party is still going. I was completely drunk by now and i knew i was. I didn't know what i was doing with Adam. But i found myself in the bathroom with him. We were both drunk.

He lifted me up onto the counter. My legs were open while he was between them with his hands on my waist. My arms were around him as his lips made their way to my neck. I couldn't help but think about Matt. I started feelin gross thinking that i let this stranger kiss me like this.

I pushed him off.

"What happened?" He asked.
"I don't feel like doing this right now" i said. He quickly got angry.
"Whatever" he said walking out and slamming the bathroom door closed. This party was fun at first.  I felt like crying and i felt like a fucking complete mess. I looked through my phone.

"Hello?"
"Shawn" i said through tears.
"Whats wrong are you okay?"
"Are you in La yet?" I asked trying my best not to let my voice crack.
"Yeah i got here yesterday whats up?"
"I need you to come pick me up please"

*

Shawn pulled up and i entered his car. I was waiting on the curb outside the party for him to pick me up. I looked at my phone and it was 11:48.

"What happened" he asked looking over at me. I felt his eyes on me.
"Well i came to this party and i regret it i feel sick and want to throw up" i said.
"Want me to take you home?"
"I cant go home drunk my mom will be so fucking mad" i said. He bit his lip.
"Want to spend the night at my house?"

We drove to his apartment and i took of my heels as soon as i made it to the elevator.
"I feel like shit" i said. He looked at me and sighed picking me up bridal style.
"Seems like every time i see you i end up carrying you around" he said as the door opened. I let out a small laugh and he smiled. I rested my head on his shoulder and he opened his apartment door.

He set me down on the couch. And took off his shoes. He was already in his sweats and a shirt. I grabbed the hair tie on my wrist and put my hair up into a bun. I went to the bathroom and washed my face and neck since it felt gross from Adam kissing it. All the makeup came off and i already felt a bit better. Shawn came into the bathroom and gave me a shirt and some sweats.

"Thanks" i said closing the door.

I changed into the clothes and i looked like a boy. I laughed at myself and walked out.

"Shawn i literally look like a little boy" i said laughing. He looked over at me and chuckled.
"Sorry next time ill make sure to have some girls clothes for you" he said. I rolled my eyes and sat down  next to him on the couch.

"I have a headache" i said. He looked over at me and licked his lips.
"Want some water or something?"
"Yes please"
He stood up and i felt the couch shift. I went on my phone and saw matt had seen my story on snapchat. He had texted me through snapchat since i had blocked his number. I swiped to see what he sent.

Really? You're already with another guy?

Emma please don't do this.

Please text me back you haven't even heard me out.

I didn't do anything with that girl she was just an old time friend i was catching up with. I didn't know she liked me though and when i went to the bathroom she grabbed my phone and texted you that. I don't like her. I didn't do anything with her i promise you Emma.

I felt a bit bad. I didn't know if i should believe him or not. But still. He shouldn't have been with her. I shut my phone and groaned.

I laid my head down and shut my eyes. I felt the couch shift again. I opened my eyes and sat up cross legged facing Shawn.

"God Matt's so annoying" i said taking the glass of water out of Shawns hands.
"Thanks" i said taking a sip of water.
"He's been giving me constant shit for hanging out with you" shawn said.
"Why?" I said creasing my brows.
"I don't know but he was throwing shade at me on twitter calling me a fake friend and he constantly spams my phone asking if I'm with you"" he said.
"Thats extra" i said
"Well im really tired do you want to sleep here or my bed and i can sleep here?" He asked.
"Uh its okay I'll just sleep here" i said. He nodded and got up.
"Thanks" i said.
"No problem night Em"

I grabbed one of the blankets he had left me while i was in the bathroom. I got comfortable and slowly drifted to sleep.