The Secret Life of Katherine James

Chapter XII

We drove back in silence, but it was a peaceful one. I was in more pain that I could handle at the moment, but I didn't want to talk about anything. I didn't know what to say. But I was also consumed with things that I wanted to tell him before I left. There was just so many I didn't know where to start. I wanted him to know that I saw where he was coming from now, that I understood what he was feeling, why he was always, always following me, holding me, trying to kiss me. I didn't want to tell him that it was completely wrong anymore. But I also didn't want to tell him anything at all. I wanted to pretend. To keep on believing that it was just a crush. That I didn't know what I was feeling. But that game was so much easier when I actually believed, to some extent at least, what I was saying. I knew David. He would take one look into my eyes the next time he was up close, ask me what I wanted, and I'd lie and he'd see right through it and do it anyways, because deep down it would be what I would want. But I'd also fear it, fear his kiss, his love, fear for his heart, and his heartbeat. Because I knew this man, the man that was following me. I knew what he would do.

By falling in love with David, I was putting him in more danger than ever before. The Shadow Man knew I cared for him, but he didn't know the extent of my feelings. Right now his anger was directed at me because I was close to someone besides him. He saw David as a minor annoyance and nothing else. But the second he figured out that I loved him, he'd see him as a threat. And as soon as that happened, David would be reduced to a stain on the ground, or a body in a morgue, or a statistic in the senseless accident category in some book.

Then again, I thought I knew a lot of things. Like a girl in a small town walking home from school would be perfectly safe.That Angel would never date a boy for more than three months, that Jewel would eventually figure out that Sampsen was in love with her, and that I would be safe in my own home. But if these last two years have taught me anything, it's that nothing is for sure. So maybe I was wrong. But in my heart I knew I wasn't. I knew that my stalker would follow me wherever I went. I knew that just as I knew that the sun way yellow, the sky was blue, and my name was Katherine Josephine James. I just knew that he would follow me.

I question yet again if I was making the right choice by asking him to do this for me. It was one thing to have The Shadow Man following him because he was my friend. It was something completely different if I were to fall in love with him. It made him a level one target. Was that really something I wanted to do?

"Katherine, are you sure you really want to do this?" He kept glancing back and forth between me and the road.

"David, just--" I started, but his voice cut me off before I could finish.

"No, for once, just don't be stubborn and listen to what I have to say, okay?" His voice was tender, but stern.

"Okay." I breathed. My heart was hammering. I was worried that he'd be able to talk me out of my plan when I was so close.

"I just want to be sure that you're ready to do this. Because if you're wrong, it's not just your life that you'll be affecting, you know. It's all of ours. Yours, mine, Angel's, Jewel's, Brook's, Sampsen's, all of us. Katherine, this will affect all of us." I was starting to hyperventilate. Did he seriously think I didn't know that?

"I know that, David. But I'm not wrong."

"Do you get how dangerous this is? I've been a part of it for less than 24 hours, but I get it! You threw yourself out of my truck because you were so afraid. Your face has been reduced to scrapes and bruises and I can't even imagine what the rest of your body looks like. My best friend is battered and beaten. I might not have known why, but over the last year and a half, I've watched you slowly fade away. Fade away from the person you were. Bright, beautiful, colorful, funny, outgoing yet shy. You've changed from bright, to what seems like a dark overhanging cloud. I felt that, I watched it happen. You went from a world of colorful clothes, to a world of dark, heavy sweaters, from strappy sandals to boots and tennis shoes. You don't laugh anymore, you barely smile." I was about to protest that I did smile, but he knew what I was going to say, "And don't try and pass that fake crap off on me because I know what your laugh is. You went from being happy and shy to being depressed and afraid and me, Sampsen, Jewel, Angel and Brooks. Elijah, Izzy, Timothy, and Sophia, we all saw it happen! We all knew that something was going on with you but you pushed us all away!"