The Secret Life of Katherine James

Chapter XI

I started with the first time I saw the car, my sophomore year. How it had followed me for weeks. How scared I'd been when I realized that this man and this green car knew things about me that only my closest friends knew. I told him how I'd gotten a text from a blocked number that told me not to tell anyone or else, and how it had come with an attachment, a picture of Jemmy. She was smiling, completely oblivious to the person photographing her. She walked home from school alone, on the same path, at the same time, every chance she got, like she was in the picture, and I'd been terrified that something would happen to her.

I told him how I'd know then and there that I should have told, told everyone. But I was so afraid that, if this man could follow me, know my cell number, where I slept, who my friends were, where they walked home from school at, if he knew everything about me, and how to use it against me, that he could know everything about everyone in my life. If he could do this to me, what could he do to everyone else. That thought had terrified me, but I hadn't realized how dangerous it would be.

I told David how it was just being followed for a few weeks. How I hadn't been as scared as I was now. I told him that I hadn't really taken the threat seriously. I didn't realize that he wasn't just threatening, whatever he said, he meant. If he made a threat, it turned into a promise. And the Shadow Man never broke his promises.

Eventually I grew to know what to look for: the green car, the hooded man, the name and numberless texts and seemingly automated calls. I don't know exactly when it happened, but soon enough I could tell almost right away when he was there and when he wasn't. Even worse, I noticed right away when he started to never not be there. Unfortunately, by not telling after the first drive by, I had trapped myself into keeping it a secret. I'd let him blackmail me and, after enough time had went by, it all just snowballed out of control and, soon enough, I didn't know how to explain everything that had happened, how to tell all of the secrets that I'd kept. Plus, every time I even thought about it, something bad happened.

"I know he's there now, always there, if not in person than, some other way. He sees everything I do, David. And that's all he needs to make me do exactly what he wants."

I went into the story, how it slowly escalated from following to texts. And then from texts to calls, and then, how he showed up in my house. When I went into the story of the first time I'd found the Shadow Man in my room, I could feel David tense.

"The first time he paid me a visit, my family and I were all coming home from a family trip. I opened my door and-"

"This has happened before." David's voice was sharp, that was not a question. He gestured to my face and my banged up body. I just stared at him, not needing to admit that it had happened more times than I could count in the last two years, he got his answer from my silence. "God Katherine. I don't mean this in an offensive way but..." He silently stared at my face, "so many things make so much more sense now. Like why you suddenly started to wear so much make up, and why you jump every time someone moves too fast, why you always look over your shoulder every few steps when you walk, why you seem to look over someone's shoulder when they talk to you instead of at them. I just thought you were being distant, pushing me away." He looked down, sighed and then looked back up into my glassy brown eyes. He didn't notice the silent tears falling from my cheeks, crashing to the floor of the truck. "I just don't see why you wouldn't tell me sooner."

I knew the question was coming, but I still wasn't ready to answer. I wasn't prepared for it to take my breath away. I wasn't prepared for the shame that I would feel. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing, content to sit and stare at the bottle in my hand like it had all the answers. I was silent for a moment, trying to figure out how to help someone who's never been through it understand why I chose to do what I did. "David, I need you to understand. It wasn't," I paused, trying to find the right words, "just this simple thing. . It was never just tell them or don't I never wanted to lie to anybody. I never wanted to hide this from everyone I loved. But I felt trapped into a corner. I was afraid. For myself, for everyone. This is literally what I've been feeling for two years.