Bastard

07

Xenon

"lucky? My ass." I muttered stood up from my seat. Lucky? Since when did I became lucky for having a father? Well, to me? He's better off dead.

"You have no idea." I added and turned my back at her while walking away.

It's easy for you to say that.

I didn't looked back but and started to walk home. My father will punish me again if I'm not home. And he will kill me without hesitations if I did cross the line.

I got my bag out of my locker and began to walk home.

♦♦♦♦

"Bastard." This is the the same dream I used to dream every night. That exact word that was haunting me and my dream always end up with me falling from a high building.

I woke up in the middle of the night. I can hear huge noise downstairs. I got out of bed and ran downstairs.

"Son, would you mind helping your father?" Father asked me while sitting on the couch wile holding the machete. A dead body is lying at our floor again and her guts are all over the place.

I gulped and I'm starting to panic.

I stared at the body for a moment but I averted it right after. She looks familiar. My father is still smiling after all his mess. I can't take this any longer.

I quickly got on my knees and started to pull her body to the basement. I don't have a choice. No, I didn't had a choice since day 1.

As soon as I opened the door of the basement, I kicked the girl's body and lifelessly, it fell down the stairs, squishing more guts out of her head.

Father tapped my shoulders and handed me a piece of card in my palms. I gulped.

"Her name was Diana. She is your classmate, right?" He muttered and grinned at me. I can feel my face become pale and my palms are sweating.

Diana, she was one of the girls who bully me in school. She was one of Gunter's bitches and I admit she's pretty and mean, but I didn't noticed that father was going to kill her.

Even if Diana is bullying me, I don't have any guts to kill her unless my father says so.

That... that bastard.

"Looks like you killed her, too." Father whispered right on my ears that froze me for a second.

Do you know why my father is still not in jail? Because he had me as his accomplice.

Not even the police would suspect a bastard like him and you know why? Because no one will suspect a guy who had a child as his accomplice.

"You're a murderer, too, son." He spoked while caressing my face. A murderer.

"You won't bail father, right?" He added and held my neck tightly that I wasn't able to prepare my self. Suffering. i'm suffering and I don't know why.

I gently held his hands that was already choking me and forced a smile at him.

"No, I won't father." I forced myself to speak those exact words and finally he let my neck go. I fell on my knees while coughing.

"Do you pity, Diana?" He asked me again. I raised my head and I forced myself to grin at him.

"No, father. She deserves to die."

♦♦♦♦

"Diana has been missing for a week. None of us here knew where she went." A girl who sat beside me uttered.

"I thought she was just hanging out with Gunter the past days?" A girl added with an curious tone.

"That is what they said. But Gunter isn't hanging out with nobody unless it's his gang, right?" The first girl answered her.

"I think you're right with that. Diana's parents are searching for her. I wonder where she's at?" That's the only word I heard from those girls who sat beside me.

They were gossiping in the middle of the class discussion. They were talking about Diana.

I... I didn't killed her, right? She was dead before I got to see her. I was dozing off when suddenly the lecturer called me up.

"Mister Xenon, please stand up." The lecturer pointed me and I immediately stood up just what she told me.

"How can you save a suffering kid who came from a poor family? How will you give him a dream if that kid was suffering?" She asked me and I felt a slight pang on my chest after hearing those words.

What kind of question is that?

"A murderer. A useless bastard." Those words recalled in my head.

I'm not a murderer. I didn't killed those people just for nothing. I didn't had a choice.

Why am I suffering? Of all people, why does it have to be me who is always the one who is suffering here?

"You are an accomplice." Oh, right. I remembered why.

I am suffering because I am my father's accomplice. I became an accomplice because I wanted to live. What a selfish decision I have.

I accompanied that psychopath because I wanted to live and all I did was to compensate people's lives in exchange for mine. What a childish reason.

"Mister Xenon? Are you okay?" I was taken back after hearing my worried teacher's voice calling my name.

I quickly nodded my head.

"So what is your answer, Mister Xenon?" She asked me again.

I bitterly smiled at her while gritted my teeth. My heart's been pounding like crazy.

"How can you sell a dream to a person who's been walking through nightmares?"