Let Your Heart Rule Your Head

Chapter Seventeen - The funerals

 Two days after, Dennis's funerals took place at the St Mary-le-Strand, where his grandparents were buried. The Franklins were here, along with the Leitch family – Prudence's side of the family – and Dennis's friends and classmates. Although he had always said he refused to have a religious ceremony, John insisted to organise it. Prudence allowed Ruby to invite Brian, knowing she would feel better if he was there. Brian arrived at Edith Grove at 9 am, and the Franklins got out of the flat, all dressed in black. John coldly shook hands with Brian, making him uncomfortable. They got in the car and drove to Strand. When they arrived, the whole family was waiting in front of the main door, chatting. They greeted the Franklins and offered their condolences to them. They couldn't stop smiling at Brian. As John and his sisters were talking, Ruby elbowed Brian who jumped and wrapped his arm around her waist, bending a bit.
“Follow me” she said. “I have something to do.”
“What is it?”
“You'll see.”
He shrugged and followed her to the car. She opened one door and bent into it before going out, holding a small bag. She made sure no-one was looking at them and sneaked behind the church with Brian.
“What are you doing, dear? I don't understand.”
“Remember when Dennis asked me not to cry when he'll be buried?”
“Yeah you told me about that.”
“That's what I'm going to do.”
“Well, that's good, but what about this bag? What are you up to?”
“There won't be sad funerals here. That's not what he wanted.”
She opened the bag and took out a white dress. Brian raised an eyebrow.
“You don't expect me to propose you, do you?”
Ruby laughed and tenderly kissed him.
“No, don't worry. It's just that Dennis hated black clothes, that's why I'm going to wear a white dress.”
“Oh! That's a good idea! But I wonder how they'll react.”
“Who?”
“Your family.”
“I don't care.”
She asked him to unzip her black dress and she let it slip to her ankles. Then, she put on the white dress. Brian looked at her with tenderness in his eyes.
“You look so gorgeous...”
“Thank you, love” she smiled, kissing him. She bent over the bag, took out a colourful necklace she put around her neck, and a big purple flower she put in her hair. “Here! Now, I'm fine.”
“Let's go now.”
She nodded and put the black dress into the bag. As they were walking to the front doors, she laughed. “I remember I wore this dress, this necklace and this flower when Dennis brought me to a psychedelic concert. It was awesome.”
“What was the concert?”
“Pink Floyd.”
“I listened to them a while ago, I didn't really like them.”
“Their first album was priceless, though. Here we are.”
Indeed, they arrived near the front doors. She could hear one of her aunts gasp. John turned around and his eyes filled with anger.
“Ruby, what does that mean?” he shouted.
“That's what he wanted.”
“Did he tell you?”
“No, but I know he'd like it.”
“Change your clothes. Now.”
“No. He told me he wanted happy funerals. And I wore those clothes in a happy moment shared with him.”
“I don't care. Change your clothes. NOW.”
“You really worry about your son, don't you?”
John's eyes widened. Everybody was looking at them. Brian had stepped back. John nervously played with a button of his coat.
“Fine, fine.”
Ruby smiled and took Brian's hand. The front doors opened and the hearse parked in front of the church. Four pallbearers got out of the hearse and opened the trunk; they pulled the coffin and carried it on their shoulders. Ruby's aunt Mary patted her cheeks with a handkerchief, a tear rolling down her face. Ruby grabbed Brian's hand; she got closer to him and whispered “I think it won't be that alright.” Brian kissed her hair.
“It will. But if you feel the need to cry or something, don't hold it back.”
“I don't know.”
“Don't hold it back. If you want to go out to breathe a bit, tell me and I'll go with you.”
“Thank you, my love.”
She stood on tip-toe and kissed him with love. She ran a hand through his hair.
“I can't look at the coffin, Bri. I'm scared.” she whispered.
“Don't look at it, then. Come here.”
He hugged her and she hid her face against his chest. He stroked her hair and patted her back.
“Come on, we have to go inside.”
She nodded and they went inside, hand in hand. They crossed the nave and Brian smiled. He leaned a bit toward her.
“It looks like we're getting married, I'm wearing a suit and you're wearing a white dress.”
Ruby giggled.
“Yeah, it's true!”
They sat next to Ruby's parents. Prudence was crying, staring at the coffin, while John was looking down and almost looked bored. Brian was still holding Ruby's hand and was stroking it with the tip of his thumb. The priest coughed and the church reduced to silence. Everybody stood up and looked at the coffin. Only Ruby didn't look at it. She was standing still, and was staring at the priest. He said a prayer and everybody sat down. Ruby didn't really pay attention to the prayers, she wasn't interested in religion. Brian was holding her against him, just in case. Then, the time of the eulogies came. Dennis's best friend, Alexander, stood up and walked to the altar, holding a small sheet of paper. He cleared his throat and tried to speak through his tears.
“Good morning to everyone. My name is Alexander, I've known Dennis since we were four or five. I don't really know what to say, actually. What can I say? First of all, he was a very nice and caring person. When I felt down, he was there, he was always supporting me. I tried my best to do the same, but it seems like I failed.”
He sighed and sobbed. He sniffed and wiped his eyes.
“But I know he'll still be here. He's still here. He isn't gone. I feel you, Dennis. I hope you can see many colours up there, that's what you told me, didn't you? I think I'll end it up here. I'll end with three words that were his motto. Dennis? I love you.”
He sobbed again and walked back to his seat, being patted on the back by those he passed by. Prudence looked around, and as nobody moved, she stood up and took Alexander's place on the altar.
“Before I speak, I'd like to thank all of you. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for thinking about Dennis on this day and supporting us through this terrible loss.”
She coughed a bit and faced the “audience”.
“I also want to thank Dennis. My lovely baby. You made my life brighter, even if I had you a bit too soon. You and your sister were the biggest gift I could ever have had. I remember when you were a child you used to run after me in the whole house, shouting 'Ma! Ma! Look at my turtle!' and you were dragging around your plush toy” she laughed, tears rolling down her face. “Even if we argued a lot the past few months, even if I didn't tell it much, I love you. I love you, Dennis. I'm sorry I didn't take care of you the way I was supposed to do. I'm sorry. Now, you're gone, and what am I going to do now?” she said, looking at the ceiling. “I have to go on living without you. I am afraid of life now. I promise I'll take care of your sister. I'll pay more attention to her, as I know you loved her a lot. When she was born, you always called her 'treasure', and you were only three years old!”
Some people giggled. Brian could feel tears coming to his eyes. “Don't hold it back, Bri, it's not good.” And he let himself cry. Ruby wiped his tears, sobbing.
“Now, it's your sister's turn to talk to you. Sleep tight, my baby. Sleep tight. Have many colourful dreams. I love you, Dennis. Goodbye.”
She bursted into tears and staggered to the bench, and sat next to Ruby again. Ruby hugged her before going to the altar. She saw Brian hugging her mother and she smiled. She raised her chin.
“Dennis, Dennis, Dennis. I have so many things I'd like to say to you, but we'd run out of time. Oh, Den, Roobs is going to miss you. I'm sorry I'm not doing a whole speech like mum and Alexander did, but you know I can't really speak my mind. I'll never listen to Pink Floyd the same way as I used to do. Remember when we went to their concert? Well, I'm wearing the same outfit today. You didn't want sad funerals, so I'm trying to add joy. I'm going to miss all the times we spent listening to our Beatles records, our Stones records, and all the records of our favourite bands. And unfortunately, you screwed things up.”
People gasped in the audience.
“You did drugs, you drank a lot, and you weren't even surprised to have your liver failure. I can hear you gasp, you know. But Dennis taught me one thing when he was at the hospital. We tend to think that deceased people were angels, because we forgive them for their bad actions. And I'll tell you one thing: this is not a solution. People aren't angels. They're human and they make mistakes. Sometimes it's impossible to fix. Dennis is a good example. That's what he taught me. Stop perfect eulogies. Perfect eulogies are for perfect people. And those people don't exist.”
Ruby saw her father angrily run a hand across his face.
“I'm going to end my speech here. I'm going to end it with Dennis's favourite part of his favourite song: A Quick One While He's Away, by The Who.”
She cleared her throat and started to sing.
“We have a remedy little girl, why don't you stop your crying? I'm gonna make you feel alright! My name is Ivor, I'm an engine driver. I know him well, I know why you feel blue, just 'cause he's late don't mean he'll never get through. He told me he loved you he ain't no liar I ain't either so let's have a smile for an old engine driver, let's have a smile for an old engine driver!”
People were confused around her and looked outraged. With a huge smile, she walked back to her seat and sat again. John clenched his fingers around his knee.
After thirty minutes of prayers, the four pallbearers lifted up the coffin and carried it on their shoulders. They made their way out of the church, followed by the family and friends. Brian was holding Ruby's hand.
“I liked what you said, Ruby. I think he'd be proud of you.”
“I don't know.”
He kissed her and they all followed the coffin during the funeral march. As they arrived at the grave, they all gathered around it. The pallbearers slowly placed the coffin onto ropes. Then, they grabbed the edge of the ropes and slowly buried the coffin. When she saw the coffin that was about to disappear, Ruby felt the sadness invading her all of a sudden. Brian gently squeezed her hands. She stepped forward and, her eyes staring at the coffin, she sang:
“Love, love, love! Love, love, love! Love, love, love! There's nothing you can do that can't be done, nothing you can sing that can't be sung. Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game, it's easy!”
She hesitated for a second before skipping a part of the song and singing the chorus directly. The coffin had already disappeared.
“All you need is love! All you need is love! All you need is love, love! Love is all you need!”
John clenched his fist and shouted “ENOUGH!”
Ruby jumped and saw her father almost running to her. He raised an arm and the only thing she could feel was his hand abruptly slapping her cheek. It was so violent that she collapsed on the floor. Brian ran to her and helped her getting up.
“Ruby! Are you okay?”
“Yes, Bri... I guess I am.”
She raised her eyes and looked daggers at him.
“John, calm down!” Prudence begged. “Can't you see it's not the right moment to be separated?”
“It's not the right moment to sing shitty rock'n'roll songs either!” he yelled. He turned around and faced the pallbearers. “NOW CLOSE THAT FUCKING GRAVE!”