Yours, Alexis Harding (MAJOR EDITS WILL BEGIN SHORTLY)

Chapter Twelve

   

Hayden,

   

   Just thinking back to the day I arrived in Berlin makes me incredibly frustrated with you beyond measure. My things get stolen and you get angry with me, does that seem fair to you at all?

   I had just arrived in the city, waiting on my ride, when some dude bumped into me. Two seconds later I looked down, and my carry on was gone. My phone, my laptop, a hoodie, and a couple of books gone with it. It was pure luck that I had kept my passport in hand still. I immediately reported it to airport security, as well as a police station later on that day, before making it back to my home for the week to rest.

   It was then that I decided to wait a few days before replacing my electronics, I convinced myself it was a good idea, just in case I could get them back.

   I mean, I totally get that you were worried that it had been a few days since you heard from me, but why couldn't it have been just that? Why couldn't you just worry without having to get angry with me? My own mother didn't lose it as much as you did.

   Is that too harsh? Well, to be quite honest, I needed a break. I may not have realized it completely back then, but I totally did. Why else would I put off getting a new phone even after I had reported the old one stolen and was told there is pretty much no chance of getting it back? Things were a little overwhelming, I felt suffocated when I think back now, and I just needed time to spend with just myself for once.

   Honestly? Those few days were some of the most memorable days of my trip because I didn't have to worry about texting you back quickly, sending you pictures, or keep checking in to see what you were doing. I was there to see the world after all, not spend it with you behind a screen.

   Wow, I never really realized I held that much resentment in me before. I know they aren't going to see this anymore, but God damn the experimenters really were onto something. I'm going to have to get back to them about this.

   When I did finally grab a new phone and checked my messages, I almost wished I didn't get one just yet. You had left me so many texts and voicemails and every other form of communication tool's messaging service that I couldn't decide where to start. So I didn't, I simply facetimed you.

   "What the fuck, Alexis?" you barked the moment your face took over the screen, "Where have you been?"

   "I..." You didn't even let me finish what I was saying, you immediately began telling me off as if you had some upper hand. I was, and honestly still am, offended by how I was treated. It felt like you were my parent, not my partner.

   So I hung up. I still can't believe I did that, but I hung up. I remember texting you right then, giving you the chance to cool down. "Call me back when you're ready to let me speak."

   I expected you to call me back right then and there, but you didn't. Actually, you never even replied to my text or sent me any other sort of message that night.

   Germany was Celine's turf, the poor girl was so worried when I locked myself in her guestroom with Taylor Swift's All Too Well on loop and the occasional gasp in between tears being the only sounds coming out of the room. I occasionally came in and out to wash my face, before completely giving into the unstoppable flow of salty tear drops.

   She came into the room and I tried to stop crying, but she held me and looked into my eyes, then gave me a hug and I broke down completely in her arms once again.

   "It's okay, beautiful." she'd said, "You're going to be okay."

   During the part of the song that was just music, she got up and started dancing. She started singing the first part of the song's bridge like there's no tomorrow. I actually smiled for once, and got up. I sang along for the second part with her.

   "You know," she pointed out, "you're in Germany. Don't you think we should get some beers into your system and loosen you up before you have to leave me? We don't want this to be the end of your German adventure, do we?"

   So for the first time in my life, thanks to Germany's lower legal age, I got drunk legally. It was a mistake mixing my alcohols, but it was a mistake I was willing to go through that night just to forget how much I felt hurt.

   I didn't think of you once, which should have been a sign I guess. It was only when I woke up the next morning, hungover and sore from the two girl dance party in Celine's room with no morning texts from you, that I remembered something was wrong.

   It took you a full 24 hours before you sent me a single text. "When are you coming home?"

   "I don't know yet. I'm going to Italy tomorrow for a few days, then to France."

   I was sure you didn't like my reply at all. You had stopped replying once again, ruining the end of my week in Germany once and for all. I fell asleep on a wet pillow that night, completely broken.

   I know it's been over a year, I know I should have gotten over it by now, but the more I think about it the more I'm certain you had no right to do that to me. You should have let me explain, but you didn't. I remember thinking that was it for us, little did I know we were already slipping farther away from each other by the second.

    

Alexis Harding.